When you can no longer cope

[MooseMom]

We are usually told that God gives us only as much as we can cope with.  Here's why I don't think that is true.  Some people are destroyed by heartache.
This story from The Independent made me cry.  Where was this woman's friends or family?  This is the stuff of nightmares.  Why do you think God gave this woman too much to cope with?  He broke her.

     

Woman who killed disabled son out of desperation is spared jail

By Richard Hall


Saturday, 2 July 2011

A mentally ill woman who strangled her severely disabled son because she said she could no longer cope with looking after him has been spared jail.


Yvonne Freaney, 50, admitted to strangling 11-year-old Glen with a belt in a hotel near Cardiff airport in May last year.

After killing her son, who was autistic, she then tried to commit suicide by cutting her wrists and taking an overdose.

Mrs Freaney was cleared of murder by a judge yesterday, but convicted of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. The court had heard during the proceedings how she had been a victim of domestic violence for some years, and suffered from a severe personality disorder.

Judge Mr Justice Wyn Williams agreed with psychiatrists that Mrs Freaney's culpability very low, and that she had acted out of sheer desperation. He sentenced her to a three-year supervision order, describing the sentencing as "the most difficult one I have ever undertaken". He told her: "There can be no doubt that you absolutely devoted to your son. You had a personality disorder and suffered from a very severe abnormality of the mind. The series of events you went through would have been difficult for even a person of robust personality."

The court heard she had suffered years of physical abuse by her husband Mark, a former RAF serviceman, whom she married in 1996. On the day she killed Glen, she was discovered alive in the Sky Plaza Hotel room in Rhoose, near Cardiff Airport, despite injuries sustained trying to cut her wrists and taking an overdose.

As she was arrested, she told emergency services: "It's funny. He was laughing when I was strangling him. That is when I knew he was happy. I had to do it because now no one can point fingers at him. My regret is that I couldn't end my own life."

As well as being Glen's main carer, Mrs Freaney also looked after her three other children as well as her elderly mother.

Defending barrister John Charles Rees QC called the prospect of imposing an immediate prison term as a "pointless exercise" given that Mrs Freaney had "effectively been in custody" since being arrested – and would be out on licence soon.

Mr Justice Williams agreed, saying he believed Mrs Freaney had been "punished enough". However, while he accepted there was low risk of her re-offending, he said she needed help to address her mental health issues.

As part of her supervision order, Mrs Freaney will have to fully co-operate with her psychiatrist and live in a residence approved by the Probation Service, the location of which is banned by court order from being published.

She is also prevented from having any unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18.

[Ang]

i think this is, i'm guessing a break down of the system  in the worst possible way hose.

theres never enough carers in the system, to offer respite to the literally 1000s of families out there who need help.

what option do those carers in their twilight years have?

whose going to look after their loved one that they've spent a lifetime doing? 

[texasstyle]

reminds me of the news story where a woman adopted a Russian boy not knowing he had severe mental issues and put him on a lane back to Russia (something along those lines). She too felt like there wasn't enough help for her.MM, you've touched on a subject...I'm sure you'll get many responses. I always wondered how menatl illness played into it. As in how doesa mentally ill person percieve whaat would or wuldn't be a heavy cross to bear? I feel somewhat I can say that freely without offeneding anyone as I have a mentally ill brother and I'm kinda speaking from experience. I've seen him in some very bad emotional states and have worried because he does not live in a mental "reality". I also getto see him on his very great days too! He's so funny... Can the stress of caring for someone almost bring someone down to a breaking point as this person? Yes,  do believe so. Oh, the mind is fragile. Wonder would have been done differently had she a good support system. There was such a possibility for a cross that wouldn't have been too heavy maybe. Lots to think about with this story.

[MooseMom]

It is hard to imagine a more soul-destroying scenario...battling mental illness while looking after an elderly parent and numerous children, one of which is autistic.  Talk about piling on!  How much can one person take?  Obviously it was too much for this one person.  What a tragedy in every sense of the word.

As you know, my own son is mildly autistic, and as heartbreaking as that is, it's nothing compared to having a child who is this severely disabled.  It's hard enough bringing up a "neural normal" kid even if you are a healthy parent!  This was just such a horrible story, and it illustrates what can happen if a person just finally buckles under the pressure.

[Sugarlump]

A big hug for you Moosey 
The only thing i would add is Yes people do fall through the net (Probably far too often) and it does make you question where is God in all this then???
but human nature is incredibly resiliient in times of stress and despair and that friends will rally round sometimes in your darkest hour.
People are afraid of asking for help yet it is the most wonderful feeling being able to really help someone in their time of need.

Crummy things happen to good people and
Good things happen to crummy people but

There is always hope  and a stiff drink! 

[rsudock]

This is really sad....makes me seriously consider not having children...there are no guarantees. Even though I know I would be a great loving parent, with ESRD I just don't want to take on the chance of raising a kid(s) and trying to stay alive. People can only take on so much....but you have to be realistic with what you can take on.

This women will have to live with the knowledge that she murdered her child...that is a cross to bear in itself....so sad....

xo,
R