I need advice.... and didnt know where else to ask

[gothiclovemonkey]

I know this isnt really the place for this kind of thing, but i trust u guys advice and figure u could help

I have gained a new friend, pretty recently, less than 6 months, and I really like her, shes a lovely lady. I dont really talk to her much though... and shes quite a bbit older than me.
Meanwhile, her husband added me on FB, and at first it seemed just fine, nothing out of ordinary...
Now, its changed, and Idk what to do....
He has told me im attractive, my first instinct was, oh thats sweet thank u.... but now its like ooooooooooooomg level.... telling me im hot, if he wasnt married hed do me, etc, telling me he wants a 3 sum,  and stuff...

 someone please give me advice on what to say or do....
I feel so terrible about this.....

[Jean]

Tell the jerk to F**k off and knock off the crap!!!

[Chris]

nfriend him, your not friends with him, your friends with er. Or just tell him this isn't how a properly married man should talk and if he continues, then tell him to f off and unfriend him.  But keep all evidence to show your friend if she starts making accusations towards you like it usually happens in some bad drama show.

[Poppylicious]

I would unfriend - and then block - him immediately and cease to have ANY contact with him.  This may be a trifle tricky if you see your friend and he's hanging around in the background, but if he's only doing this virtually and not in the flesh it should be okay. Ignore everything he tries to say or do. If he continues to try to pester you through FB (I don't know how easy that would be if you block him) report him to FB because he's violating their terms and conditions.

You could do it nicely by sending a message by way of explanation (I'm flattered, but you're not my type and I would never do anything to hurt a friend) or you could be horrid (tell him where to go in no uncertain terms, explain that you've saved all his messages and that if he continues you'll either let your friend see them or go to the police because it's sexual harrassment - that should be enough to make him stop!)

Hope you can rectify this.  It must be horrid for you.

*huggles*

[Bruno]

I know this is a chick thread, but in my book the chap is a asshole and you should take care.

[Sax-O-Trix]

Unfriend him, block him and keep the messages as Chris suggested.   

[gothiclovemonkey]

I am mortified.
At first it seemed totally innocent, you know, hes say oh u look pretty or whatever, but last night he was being really bad, and I told him a few times I didnt like what he was saying, I was highly flattered but it wasnt right, she is my friend, and i dont wnat her hurt.  and eventually i just ignored him.

Should I tell her, or let it go and just save it until its needed?
I feel like I would want to know, but it wasnt that bad and he did say IF HE WASNT married, so I dont think he would actually cheat on her.
When he was saying how sexy I am, I had pointed out that I find his wife to be very sexy. So most of my texts to him were that shes a hottie but when he said a few inappropriate things I didnt know what to do....

I dont understand people at all, why the hell does this type of thing happen to me? I am not that attractive, and I am not even a sexual person. I havent done anything  sexual in 2 years almost (with the exception of one mistake) and I dont even normally reply to people saying stupid shit like that.
For an example, some idiot asked me if i swollow... ew... i said ya when i masticate! perv!

[monrein]

I think you need to be very careful about the possible mixed message that you yourself may in fact be sending to men who say these suggestive things to you.  You say that you're "highly flattered" by this man's comments and you don't like what he's saying etc but yet you respond to his comments several times and only "eventually" ignore him.  You need to be clear about what constitutes flirting behaviour and talking about a man's wife being a "hottie" in this situation is definitely sending out encouraging signs to him.

As for the last example that you give in this post, responding at all seems quite unnecessary.  In fact, your reply is somewhat provocative and would encourage more "stupid shit like that". What you say you don't like and how you engage with the comments you describe contradict each other very strongly and I think you're being a tease, whether you're aware of this or not.

[HouseOfDialysis]

I say combine the advice from Poppy, Chris, and Jean.

[Chris]

I say combine the advice from Poppy, Chris, and Jean.

and Monein

[HouseOfDialysis]

Concur.

[gothiclovemonkey]

well im certainly not intending to be a tease, but i see ur point, thank u for pointing it out...
I AM highly flattered, i dont normally get the attention i have been getting lately, and its weird for me. I like it, yet it annoys me too...
Ive lost the weight and now guys message me all over the place, so yes im probably doing something wrong with that i dont really know. totally not used to any of this.
im thinking about just deleting all the stupid social sites, seems all there is are people wanting to hook up and nastiness anyway.
and im not much of a people person
oy im sorry
thanks for the advice and pointing that out

[Chris]

Yeah social networks can be a problem, but that's where limitations come in by not accepting everyone, modify settings so you can't be searched and so forth,  or clicking on everything

[RichardMEL]

but GLM you are attractive !!!!!!!

You ask why these things happen to you.... I would hazard a guess that because of your situation with illness and a bit of isolation that there are some people out there (I like to call them "scumbags") who take this as a sign to take advantage of your vunerable state.. if you like an easy "target" who might give them what they want.

The fact is this guy is married, so it's wrong on any number of levels.

What *I* would do is just tell him that you're uncomfortable with what he's saying and you don't think it's appropriate anymore because you're friends with his wife and you don't apprieciate the advances. Yes, it was flattering, but this is not something you want to get involved with.

Further I wouldn't exchange texts further or anything. The mixed messages point is a very valid one. So you need to be clear. Not rude.. just clear. He might say "oh but I'm just being nice to you" or something - that doesn't matter. You're uncomfortable with the situation and his advances, and it needs to stop.

good luck.

*hugs*

[texasstyle]

Oh sweetheart, you have to just "nip these things in the bud". You can't be nice about it at this point. Ufriend, block, and if he still gets through DO NOT REPLY TO HIM!!! At all. EVER. He might start to get a little more obnoxious at first, then he'll dissapear. Like I said, do not reply to him. Don't even read anything he sends you

[gothiclovemonkey]

ive ignored him since it happened

i want to crawl in a hole... people....... i dont understand them never will

[Bajanne]

Please don't know yourself over the head.  That kind is always out there.  I am just glad that you have your IHD family to turn to when things like this turn up!   

[RichardMEL]

no crawling anywhere!!!

this whole thing says way more about him than it does you. He's the sort of person who probably doesn't deserve his wife.

Sometimes you just have to accept that there are some selfish people out there who think of themselves and what THEY want and bugger anyone else.

it's like this girl I met when I was in hospital a few weeks ago. She had this guy who attached himself to her (twice her age, btw) and basically wouldn't take no for an answer. She tried to be nice, but that didn't work because this guy just kept taking advantage of her efforts to be kind.

This is a guy who, when she is in hospital, so you can imagine she's feeling pretty low, brings her this dress as a "gift" - now let me describe this dress to you - it was short, strappy and sparkly silver. It was the sort of thing  you might see an exotic dancer wearing. To me that dress was *NOT* a gift for HER - it was a gift for HIM - because it was all about what HE wanted (ie: to perve on her in the dress, and hopefully out of it). Quite apart from the inappropriate nature of the gift, it was clear that he was trying to buy her favour so he can get what he wanted (ie: to sleep with her). Now this guy did lots of other scary things apparently and has become a real scary stalkier type....

and you (GLM) say you don't understand people - well see *I* don't get a guy like that.. why he would do stuff like that (eg: showing up at her apartment building at 2am throwing rocks at her window, scaring the crap out of her etc).... is this behaviour supposed to win her desire somehow??? Good grief, it's unbalanced... and again all about what HE wants, not what she wanted.

I think this guy GLM knows is similar.

Glad you've ignored him and hope he gets the message!!!

now why is my mailbox empty? 

[Poppylicious]

ive ignored him since it happened

i want to crawl in a hole... people....... i dont understand them never will

You've ignored him (and will continue to do so) so file it into the 'things i can learn from' box in your mind and enjoy what today brings you.

And if it's any consolation, I don't understand people either (especially strangers who just want to natter to me at the bus stop ... Nooo! Pee Off! Oh, and mysteriously joyful people.  And those people who suddenly stop whilst walking so that I nearly walk into them. Tsk.)

 

[gothiclovemonkey]

poppylicious, i hear u there! Like HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO people lol

RM, that does sound scary, ive only dealt with a few stalkersish types, the last one was while i was having the parathyroid surgery he called me every 5 minutes if i didnt answer (yes right after i had surgery, so i was sleeping alot...) then the DAY i got out, he wanted to come all the way from OHIO and take me out, thats 3 states away!!!! he was on his way when he informed me... it was weird...
I totally agree that was a gift for him! Its like buying lingerie for ur woman, that isnt for her.....

[kellyt]

Great advice.  I have nothing to add but good luck and act fast!   

[natnnnat]

You've ignored him (and will continue to do so) so file it into the 'things i can learn from' box in your mind and enjoy what today brings you.

I agree.  I've found myself in this kind of situation in the past, life goes on, and this is how we learn.

And if it's any consolation, I don't understand people either (especially strangers who just want to natter to me at the bus stop ... Nooo! Pee Off! Oh, and mysteriously joyful people.  And those people who suddenly stop whilst walking so that I nearly walk into them. Tsk.)

ROFL!     thanks for the LOL, PL.