helpless

[Nicolefish18]

So this is really off subject but I need to talk to someone.  My grandpa is in a assistant living home 2 and half hours from where I live.  He fell about 6 months ago and he cannot walk anymore.  My grandma cannot take care of him because she can not lift him and such so he had to go to a home.  Depression is really kicking in with him and I talked to him today and he started crying.  He told me he was sorry for not being able to walk and all he does is stare out the window at the snow.  They are paying about 6 grand a month for him to be where he is and I think it would be cheaper for them to get a 24 hour nursing service to come to their house but my grandma doesn't want strangers in her house.  I guess I just can't see my grandpa in so pain, he is a well accomplished strong man and I have never heard him so sad before.  I am going up there this weekend to watch the Packer game and spend the day with him.  I feel guilty because it is hard finding time to go up there with work, my son and dialysis.  I am just really upset and am having a hard time dealing with it....thanks for listening to me. 

[MooseMom]

We all know how shocking it is to suddenly find our bodies turning against us.  I'd bet that your grandpa is grieving for the life he once knew, just like we grieve for the loss of our own pre-D lives.  I have to say that I find it quite sad that your grandpa has to live away from home because his own wife "doesn't like strangers in her house."  It's his house, too.  I'd like to think she would sacrifice some privacy for providing some comfort for her husband.

I hope your visit with him goes well.  It's nice of you to take the time.

[Bruno]

Ah Nicole, life can be so hard sometimes, I'm so sorry for you and your grandad. If it might help you, I am a grandad and the delight of my life are my grandchildren, particularly my granddaughter, Georgia...my heart lifts every time I see her.
I bet you ere having the same effect on your granddad.

[okarol]

 

[monrein]

  

[KICKSTART]

If you can pick the right carers for him at home , they will only be strangers till she gets to know them , then they will probably become dear friends. Maybe its worth putting that to her ? Im sure your gran must be missing him as well. If he moved back home is that nearer to you ? Maybe if it is ,the family could 'pop in ' more ?

[rsudock]

my bf's gran is the same way hates people in her house and everyone is out to get her. The census worker this summer came to the door and they both started screaming at me to, "shut the door, don't telll her anything..." I just looked at the lady and whispered, "i'm sorry their elderly..." What a way to live thinking everyone is bad..(not saying this is how your granny is, but the thread reminded me of that incident)

Will your grandpa ever be able to walk again? Is he going through rehab?

take care
xo,
R

[carol1987]

  So sorry....

[karen547]

I know how you feel, my mom died November 20the of last year and we had to finally put her in a hospice, i felt helpless watching her wither away not being able to stop it. the one good thing was she was alive when i got my transplant in august. just be there for him as much as you can but don't forget to take care of yourself as well! i hope things get better for you and him!

[Nicolefish18]

Thanks everyone.  My visit went great!  It was hard saying goodbye but I am happy I went up there.  I got to talk to my grandma and she is considering building another house on some property they have down the street from their lakehouse.  That way they can make everything handicap accessible and my grandpa can come home she said.  I think her biggest fear is if something happens, she doesn't want to be there by herself. I know she feels bad that he is in there.

And Bruno I think I do have that affect on my grandpa.  I bought him some packer attire and he actually wore it.  He doesn't watch football really that much but he was showing off his new stuff to everyone.  Its the little things.  He is definitely proud to show off his grandchildren. 

rsudock when my grandpa fell about 6 months ago the doctors said that he might never be able to regain that motorskill back.  He went to rehab and there was little improvement so the insurance stopped paying for it.  My grandma had to move him to an assistant living home where they have to pay out of pocket now.  He is doing physical therapy again and his arms are getting stronger.

[rsudock]

happy to hear the visit went great...keeping you and your grandpa in my thoughts and prayers!

xo,
R

[texasstyle]

Hi Nicole. I wonder often about ageing, and have friends now that are in the 70's and 80's. Seems that even though the body gets old, you are still 18 in spirt always!  My older friends, they even act like 18 sometimes lol. With g-pops body "falling apart" (as he would probably think), he is surely having confliciting self esteem, self worth, and pondering over getting older. I'm sure we all think about it and hope to be healthy to a ripe old age living at home. I can understand why he's depressed. He is now in a new enviorment after all his life of working hard for house and the "home" he built with hiswife. Imagine whatthat must feel like. He must feel lonely even though he has other people around. Sounds, smells, everything so...different. And kinda forced upon in a way I'm sure in his eyes. Forced upon in the way that he had no choice even if that meant for for the best for everyone. People of all ages with different illnesses and social situations are placed in homes. I would hate it. Would I ever get used to it? Most likely not but after a hile I would try to make the best of it and would make frienships with the people there. Having things like you coming to visit would make him so happy giving him something to look foward too. Life is full of so many that seems we have no control of. The most important thing is LOVE. Give it, get it, SHARE it. I'm sure you do!

[st789]

Yep, little thing helps.  BTW, packers vs. bears, good game.

[Cordelia]

  to you!