A warm HELLO to everyone!

[LovingHelper]

I am new and I am so thankful for finding this great site!

My ex has been on dialysis for a few months. Frankly, I just found out that he had CKD, and of course it really threw me for a loop (for a minute), then I knew I had to stop the crying and jump in to help in any way I can.

I have many questions, and am seeking answers from reading some of the posts on the site.

My concern is how can I be the most help to him. He of course has lost a lot, and I need to know how to comfort him (perhaps from the men on the site), and if I should mention preparing for a possible transplant.

Because I have taken care of a cancer patient and know about the transplant process, I feel he needs to be on it right now, and not wait.

Mostly, I want to be of help to him in any way I can to make his life (at this point) more happy and of course with less stress, and pain.  He is a wonderful man who has helped so many people in his life, and he is one of the best people I know. I love him dearly, and want to donate one of my kidneys, except I do not know if I will be a good candidate because I have moderate high blood pressure.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this site. I look forward to the learning experience.

God Bless~

[RichardMEL]

Hi LovingHelper and welcome to IHD!!! I hope we can help you in your quest to help your ex in his journey.

Regarding "getting right onto" transplant. I am sure he has his team running through all the options for him. The thing to keep in mind is that he's so new (relatively) to this world - sounds like from what you said he had little warning of his kidney disease and pretty much went straight to dialysis?? That means a hell of a shock to the system physically and emotionally and so much information to take in regarding his condition, caring for himself, dealing with dialysis and so on.

I'm thinking that he wll be aware of transplant, and may even soon go through evaluation. You don't say how old he is or anything like that which may or may not have any bearing on that process and what tests he may require.

It's definitely a good idea to mention it as a treatment option and that he should discuss it with his team if he hasn't already, but I wouldn't try and push anything on him right now as he's trying to come to grips with everything he has to. Of course you know him better than most so you can have an idea as to what he can take and what he can't. Use your discretion.

I don't want to throw a negative wrench in here but I do want to raise a thought that came to mind when I first read your post - and meant in the nicest possible way - you mention he's your ex. Now we all know that could mean anything (in terms of what happened, how the friendship between you now is)... I guess I'm just thinking that you *may* need to be careful that he doesn't get the wrong idea from your concern, willingness to donate, wanting to help etc. Right now, emtoionally, he is probably very vulnerable and may misconstrue your motives.  Again you know him very well so my thought may be totally off base (and if so, I apologise) but it may be something to consider.

Re your donating and your moderately high BP... yes it is likely you may not be deemed a suitable candidate because of that (my own sister was denied on these grounds) - and it's good that you recognise this... but I can tell you from the perspective of someone who had been wanting/needing a donor - that it is the act itself to get tested and want to donate that means so very much. If you can't, then you can't and that's no fault of yours. The serious and considered thought is a beautiful and wonderful thing and I am sure whatever happens with that that he will appreciate more than you know what you would be willing to do for him.

Anyway again welcome to IHD. Hopefully others can help answer this and any other questions you may have!

 

RichardMEL, Moderator

[boswife]

ANd a 'warm'  welcome to you     You have come to a great place for support for sure!!  It has been a lifesaver for many of us and i hope you will get that comfort as well...  Dive in, do some reading and post away... 
and........ i too am a carer.  Mine is my hubby and we are in training for nxStage....Gunna bring him home 

[Rerun]

Hi LH and welcome to IHD.  You are the second person to join lately that wants to help their ex.  This world is a good place when this starts happening.  I guess maybe I need to stop wishing mine would get kidney failure?  OK enough of that!   

I'm so glad you found us.  You will get your questions answered here.

Rerun, Moderator           

[galvo]

G'day lh and .

[rsudock]

welcome!

[looneytunes]

Hello Lovinghelper and welcome to IHD   .  We're glad you joined and hope that we can be of help to YOU.