Dec. 16: Dr. Phil: Family has not stepped up to donate a kidney

[okarol]

I missed todays show but maybe it will be shown again.

Tough Choices

Dr. Phil speaks with families facing touch choices this holiday season. Darrell needs a kidney, but his family has yet to get tested to see if they’re a match. And, Natalie Cole shares her harrowing journey with kidney failure.


Feeling Abandoned

I’ve been a diabetic for over 20 years,” Darrell says.

“His kidneys were getting progressively worse for a long, long time,” says Darrell’s wife, Barbara.

“My kidneys have shut down, and I need a kidney transplant,” Darrell says.

“My husband has three brothers and three sisters, and no one has stepped up to donate a kidney,” Barbara says. “I don’t understand it at all, because if it were my sibling, I would step up and do whatever it took.”

“My family doesn’t really know what I’m going through with the dialysis,” Darrell says. He opens his shirt and shows his chest. “This is my catheter, where I have access for my dialysis. It goes up into my heart. They haven’t been around to see me go through the four hours a day with the treatment. They haven’t seen the needles. They haven’t seen the surgeries. If they were sick, they would expect me to step forward. This makes me very disappointed. I thought I was close with my family, but this makes me realize we’re not as close as I thought.”

“He could die tomorrow, and they don’t understand that,” Barbara says, growing tearful. “I’m really upset because he’s so strong, he deserves better from his family.”

http://www.drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/6116/?id=6116&showID=1567

[Brightsky69]

I can understand this...totally. Only my one brother got tested and he wasn't a match. Also I had one cousin get tested and she didn't match. I had many other "family" members say they were gonna get tested but never did. They only said they would get tested so they would look "good" in the eyes of fellow family members... and get more money out of them. For example..."Yeah I am gonna get tested for Joanna...can I borrow $5000 dollars now?"  My boyfriend didn't even get tested for me...and he is the same blood type as me.
I've come to realize that it take a seriously special person to be a living donor....a true angel. And there are just not many earthbound angles out there.

[rsudock]

  My boyfriend didn't even get tested for me...and he is the same blood type as me.
I've come to realize that it take a seriously special person to be a living donor....a true angel. And there are just not many earthbound angles out there.

Bsky I agree with you about the earthbound angles are few and far between. I was just wondering are you still with this particular boy who didn't choose to get tested? Just wandering how that affected your relationship. My boy is being placed in the donor exchanged program and I often wonder if he chose not to if I would be so hurt that it would ruin our relationship....guess if we ever broke up and I had to start dating again my first question would  be to a potential new beau "Before this gets serious...what blood type are you?" 

xo,
R

[Brightsky69]

It did hurt me at first...my Bf not getting tested. But then when I really started to think about it. I put myself in the other persons shoes. And it's not an easy thing to do...period. I mean my mom had no problem with donating to me because she saw it as nothing different then taking care of me as any mother would do.....no big deal to her.
But for someone who is healthy and has NEVER faced any kind of medical situation before. It has to be a scary thing to them no matter what. When you need a kidney you think Hey...just give me one..whats the deal? Donating is just a hard thing to do...period. And it takes a special person.
My BF did what he could to take care of me......what he was capable of doing.  When I was on dialysis for 2 years (PD) he took care of my drain bags each morning so i wouldn't have to do it. When i was sick as a dog and pucking in garbage cans at the dialysis center he never left my side. He would wash my hair for me when i couldn't get into the shower. He would rush me to the ER at 2am when I had the stomach flu.....even when i didn't want to go to the ER. He would carry all my dialysis supplies whenever.....up 2 flights of stairs...no complaints. Most guys wouldn't even stick around to deal with a girlfriend who was on dialysis. Even today after my 2nd transplant he always makes sure I take my medication..drinking like I should and eating right. It's almost annoying. I am like dude...This is my 2nd transplant I know what I am doing.
I use to think...where is my night in shining armor who is going to save me from all this and give me a kidney?? Thats a fairy tale.
If you can find someone who is wiling to do that for you...that is wonderful. My mom was that one person for me. Her donation to me lasted 17 years. I received my 2nd kidney from a deceased donor and no matter where this kidney came from i am grateful for it.

Now what really got under my skin and to me is unforgivable are the couple of people who made a big deal about getting tested for me only to use that to get some extra cash out of mom and dad. My BF sister said she would get tested then used that to get an extra $10,000 out of her parents...never to be paid back and my BF cousin did the same thing and got $12,000 from her aunt and uncle...never to be paid back. My cousin and brother never did anything like that. To use someone who needs a kidney to get some cash for your self...what kind of person is that???

[rsudock]

I think at first I too would be disappointed but then reevaluate all the great things my boy does for me too. Your guy sounds like a keeper! It is wonderful to have a significant other who is willing to stand by you no matter how rough the road may get. Thank you for sharing!

xo,
R

[boswife]

I didnt see the show either but there was a flyer at our center that said ...Watch the dr phil show to se our very own ................ I forgot the name, but one of the people on there was from my center.... we're famous???  lol

[plugger]

It always pains me to read about friends and family members reluctant to step up.  It has been ten years since I gave a kidney to my daughter and I'm still not seeing any effects from losing "lefty" - as I'm fond of saying, might as well lost a toenail!  What was going to kill me was watching my daughter on dialysis - she wasn't taking well to it.

Anyway, I'll remind people of a famous study about kidney transplants:
"In another study, Narkun-Burgess et al. assessed 56 World War II veterans who had lost a kidney because of trauma during the war (follow-up, 45years) and compared them to other World War II veterans of the same age (19). Mortality was not increased in those who had lost a kidney."
http://www.hods.org/pdf/content/Long-Term%20%2820-37%29%20Years%29%20Follow-up%20of%20Living%20Kidney%20Donors.pdf