Holiday Stress Help

[Restorer]

So, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. I'm going to be seeing a lot of extended family this year, and they're all going to be asking me how I'n doing, what's going on it my life, and things like that. It's hard for me to talk about all that in detail (especially when I get judging looks when they find out I'm not working or going to school), but it's good for them to know what's going on with me.

I was considering asking my neph for something to help get me through the holidays. I've noticed a lot of people here mentioning they're on things like Ativan or Xanax for anxiety. My neph was here at the dialysis unit when I came in, and he did his usual checking with me while I was being put on, but I didn't want to bring it up with 3 people standing around me.

Is it reasonable to ask my neph for a prescription for this when he sees me at the unit? I'd prefer to make an appointment, but there's no way I'd see him in time. He strikes me as kind of old-fashioned and I don't know if he'd be happy to prescribe something like that.

[KICKSTART]

Either that or a large bottle of whiskey ? 

[thegrammalady]

   make mine a bottle of rum.  in 4 years i've never seen my neph outside of dialysis. even though i've switched to nocturnal he still comes to see me at the center in the early evening. if i need anything between visits i've been told to call, anytime day or night. my guess is if i wanted something it would come from my gp.

[rsudock]

if u need the pills to get you through then take'em.....we have so much heart ache already to deal with. too bad they can't shoot an anti-depressent right into the machine!!!

xo
R

[boswife]

a good thing with Kiaser is you can do all that on the computer.  I often write to hubbys dr's and request a pill or?? even without going in for a diagnosis. They gave him oxazepam for anxiety for during treatments (helps him sleep too) and there was no face to face asking.  (i hate face to face or on the phone  anything so this is really good for me)  Does your insurance have anything like that??

[okarol]

If you need help, definitely ask for it!

Also, for the holidays, if you get lots of questions, just be prepared.

Them: SO Restorer, how are you doing?
You: Fine, thanks.
Them: How's that kidney thing going?
You: Just about the same, thanks for asking.
Them: Are you going to school or working?
You: Yes and no. I am always open to new opportunities.
Them: What are you going to do with your life?
You: Hahaha well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Them: So where are you living now?
You: Hey, did I see some pumpkin pie over there? Let's talk later.
 

[Restorer]

Either that or a large bottle of whiskey ? 

For past family gatherings, I've considered having a couple drinks before or carrying a flask with me.  That might actually be a good solution if 1) I could stand the taste of alcohol, 2) the smell of my breath didn't tip me off to everyone else, none of whom would be drinking, 3) alcohol didn't turn my stomach inside-out after a couple hours. 

a good thing with Kiaser is you can do all that on the computer.  I often write to hubbys dr's and request a pill or?? even without going in for a diagnosis. They gave him oxazepam for anxiety for during treatments (helps him sleep too) and there was no face to face asking.  (i hate face to face or on the phone  anything so this is really good for me)  Does your insurance have anything like that??

I wish I could do that. That's the big thing that impresses me about Kaiser. I don't know how these things might work out, but if I ever have the choice in the future, I'd be seriously considering Kaiser.

But, my current doctors and insurance don't have anything like that. I can see my nephrologist at the dialysis unit for 90 seconds, or I can make an appointment over the phone. Neither is very appealing to me.

If you need help, definitely ask for it!

Also, for the holidays, if you get lots of questions, just be prepared.

Them: SO Restorer, how are you doing?
You: Fine, thanks.
Them: How's that kidney thing going?
You: Just about the same, thanks for asking.
Them: Are you going to school or working?
You: Yes and no. I am always open to new opportunities.
Them: What are you going to do with your life?
You: Hahaha well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Them: So where are you living now?
You: Hey, did I see some pumpkin pie over there? Let's talk later.
 

I understand where you're going with that, but it's really just avoiding the questions. I really want people to know what we go through - how else am I going to get them to volunteer to get tested? - but it's hard to talk about.

[Riki]

I'd say, go. If they ask, tell them the truth, if they don't, oh well.  My family doesn't bother to ask me about it.  They know, cuz my entire life is on Facebook, and so are they.  I really think that they just don't care.  You're afraid that they'll think you're slacking cuz you're not working or in school. Mine are the opposite.  They don't think I can do anything.  I love my mom, but when I told her I wanted to go to university, she laughed at me.

[KICKSTART]

Vodka ? no smell and hardly any taste !   

[casper2636]

My family doesn't ask either. I don't think it's that they don't care, I think it's that they are uncomfortable because they can't do anything to help me and my situation. That they are out of control, which drives them nuts and they can't tell me what I "should" do, because everything has been done.

[rsudock]

Mine are the opposite.  They don't think I can do anything.  I love my mom, but when I told her I wanted to go to university, she laughed at me.

Aw Riki my mom was like that...never supportive about my endeavors...but I have the last laugh b/c in my family even my extended family, I have the highest level of education. not trying to sound like a snob, but I do feel proud that even with kidney disease I busted my a** in school to get my degrees! Proving people wrong is a great motivator. Guess that's why quitting my job is really going to hit my self esteem and pride....

[Riki]

Mine are the opposite.  They don't think I can do anything.  I love my mom, but when I told her I wanted to go to university, she laughed at me.

Aw Riki my mom was like that...never supportive about my endeavors...but I have the last laugh b/c in my family even my extended family, I have the highest level of education. not trying to sound like a snob, but I do feel proud that even with kidney disease I busted my a** in school to get my degrees! Proving people wrong is a great motivator. Guess that's why quitting my job is really going to hit my self esteem and pride....

I'm not sure if she thought I was serious or not.  I was, but that was before I started HD.  I"m not sure if I can do it now, just because of time constraints.

[MooseMom]

Restorer, I don't mean to be intrusive, but may I ask what exactly you find hard to talk about and why?  I would have thought that talking about what you are going through may easily explain why you are not now working or going to school.  Are you really sure they are judging you?  Have they ever chastised you?  Is it possible that the more you talk about it, the more they will understand, and the easier these family occasions will become?

[kitkatz]

I liked Karol's answers.

I also like sitting on the couch and having the meal brought to me on a plate because I did not have to do anything for it. My family is understanding. All I am bringing to the Thanksgiving this year, a store bought dessert and my self and hubby.  Oh the glory of a family who knows I do not cook.

[okarol]

Speaking of cooking, Restorer, I love to hear about what you've been cooking lately. And do you bring something special to holiday dinners?

[kitkatz]

I find running and screaming in circles relieves stress really well, then some chocolate, dark and rich!

[casper2636]

I'm with KitKatz.. running and screaming in circles IS the way to go...Just give me a big 'ole slab of pumpkin pie, drowning in whipped cream and I'll be just fine!

[MooseMom]

This will be my first Thanksgiving spent with extended family, and I am curious as to how it's going to go.  In the past, I either spent it with just my parents or not at all (because I was living in a country that didn't celebrate this particular holiday).  Lately, I've spent it with just my husband.  This will also be the first time I've seen lots of my family since I've been on the transplant list, so I will be curious to see if they treat me any differently (I don't think they will, and that's fine.  Most of them are too old to think about donation, but the ones that are closer to my age...well, that should be interesting.  Their own mother was on D, so it's not like they don't know anything about what I'm facing.).

Maybe I should take my Xanax with me!

[RightSide]

Try vigorous aerobic exercise.  It works for me.  Boosts my mood, gives me a sense of well-being.