Etiquette - transplant

[Des]

I have a possible donor and she is busy with her workup tests.

Now - do I thank her now. Do I buy her a thankyou card?

I am really unsure of how to react... or what to say or do. Words and actions fail me. I feel like a volcano about to burst because this can be a way out of doing dialysis. But I don't want to say or do something wrong .... I am really worried that my action or lack of action might make her change her mind.

I am not showing this excitement that I am feeling because I don't want her to feel guilty should they find anything wrong with the tests but then I think she might see it as me being unappreciative.

Some guidelines please.......

 

[RichardMEL]

Wow, that's GREAT NEWS Des!! Fingers crossed for you and your donor!

 

At this point a thank you card would really just be "thank you for agreeing to be tested and getting those done" - which is VERY significant of course, but I am not certain it is card worthy. Perhaps you could show it in other ways like asking if there's stuff she needs, or perhaps taking her to dinner or something (and flowers of course!) - maybe after one of those horrid tests or something.

If it was me, and perhaps this seems ungreatful, but I don't know that I would go overboard at this point. It's wonderful she's testing, and that definitely needs to be recognised - so perhaps sending her flowers with a little card saying "I know this is an ordeal to go through these  tests and I just wanted to let you know I appreciate that you are" sort of thing might be ideal.

It IS very hard to know what to do or say - I can understand your conundrum. I think if you're just sincere with your feelings whatever you do will be appropriate

Again, great news!!!!

[Des]

RM I haven't shouted it from the rooftops yet.... I don't want to chinx it. But I am super excited      just with the possibility.

Sending flowers is a brilliant idea.!!! thanks

[Riki]

Wow.. I"m not sure what I would do if a potential donor came forward.  It's not something I ever thought about.  I'll have to think about it now, in case I'm ever in that situation.. So much to think about!!  *LOL*

Am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[thegrammalady]

sooper kool, des.  i think a card or flowers to say thank you for testing would be wonderful.

[okarol]

After nine people were tested and denied for Jenna I was reluctant to celebrate too early for fear of being disappointed again. But when we got the call that Patrice was a match I told everyone, I called her, we cried, and we celebrated (we are in Calif. and she in Ohio so it was limited.) The day of the transplant we gave her a little Tiffany silver "bean" necklace that Jenna and I had picked out.

[Rerun]

I think a "thank you" note would be acceptable.  Just say, "no matter what the results, thank you for trying".

Best of luck!       

[MooseMom]

Oh my goodness...what wonderful news!  I know you shouldn't get too excited yet, so I'll get too excited for you!!!   

I've been thinking about what I would want if the tables were turned and I was the one getting tested to be a possible donor.  I think I would appreciate a thank you card or even just a phone call or anything that basically said, "I appreciate you even considering doing this for me."  Yes, I would definitely like to have my efforts acknowledged.

Oh, this would be so wonderful for you!  I know how much you have hated D.

[jbeany]

Flowers sound good to me.  I'd put "Hope is the greatest gift you can give.  Thank you."  on the card.

[okarol]

 

Flowers sound good to me.  I'd put "Hope is the greatest gift you can give.  Thank you."  on the card.

[Alison McNeilly]

From a donors point of view, I didn't expect anything from my brother for being tested or giving him the kidney. We both agreed that no gift could really match up to the gift of a kidney. A simple thank you and my brothers health was the greatest gift he gave me.

[monrein]

I'm so happy for you Des that this possibility has presented itself.  I really agree with everyone else that it's important not to get too excited about the end result but absolutely acknowledge the generosity of the offer, no matter what happens...even if she changes her mind.  These are exactly the situations in which I pull out my handy "hope for the best but expect nothing" mantra.  After all, it's not in our control and so much has to align but despite all that the offer is indeed hopeful, generous and moving.  All the best to you both.

[Alison McNeilly]

My brother ha just given me his point of view as a recipient: The best thankyou you can give is when you get the kidney to look after it and to keep yourself in good health!

[Riki]

Flowers sound good to me.  I'd put "Hope is the greatest gift you can give.  Thank you."  on the card.

I teared up when I read that... that's a line I'm going to remember...

[Des]

I like this one too.... Thanks a mill.

She is a match - she is busy with the general health tests... if she is deamed healthy, everything should be fine.... "should"

[MooseMom]

So, there's hope!!  Oh, this just makes me so very happy.  I am really keeping my fingers crossed for you!