Relationships and dialysis.

[Jamie]

Dear fellow renal readers,

  Of corse I'm speaking of my own experice on this topic but what I have noticed trying to get into a relationship while being on dialysis is near to impossable.
  Dealing with renal failure since age 5 and now going on 33 I can say what a big F#$@ing joke this really is.  Is this a real dark and lonely road or what. Now I'm not talking about the pills or even the treatment its self (that's a story all its own) but the scar's the many up's and down's. for my self being through on failed transplant and trying to get back on the transplant list is nerve racking its self but doing it alone is even worse.
  I don't consider myself a Tom Cruse but I also don't consider myself a Frankinstine either but I have noticed that dialysis and relationships just don't mix . As of right now its look's pretty dark and dinngie......Jamie-G

(www.jamiegmagic.com)

[CAPD]

I really hope Epoman is true to his word and doesn't delete ppl's posts. I've had an awful time with relationships too. Now I just give up and resign myself to the fact it's not going to happen. I use call girls/prostitutes now. They come to my house for an hour and I can do whatever I like to them. Something to think about, friend.

[Iowagirl]

Renal failure and dialysis are both hard on relationships.  My husband of 19 years decided this summer he wasn't happy any more and left.  We met at 19 and 23.  Life takes its toll and we go on.  And it isn't easy doing this by ourselves... I thank God for my friends and family.  And while I don't ever see myself in another serious relationship again- ya just never know what might be around the corner.  Being by myself has shown me I'm stronger than I ever would have imagined.

[Jamie]

I was also in a long term relationship over 6 years. I was living with her and it was considered common law. She had blamed every thing that went wrong because I was on dialysis.
   I knew the relationship was going bad as I was on dialysis for two years at the time and she only came about twice to visit me there. I was in the hospital many times for long peroid of times and I was there by myself.
  One of she favorit sayings to me was its my problem and not her's. But when my pention came in she had no problem spending my money. Any of my friends at that time told me she was just using me for my pension check she was a single mother and did not work her self.
   To be honest she was a real evil woman I took "MORPHINE" 200mg a day just to deal with this reationship and I use the morphine for like two years. She was very negitive twords me and my health problems  and she did have me believeing that every thing was my own fault.
  Believe it or not near the end of the relationship she was trying to convince me to take myself off dialysis because I had nothing to live for anyways. When you are on morphine the world is a different place.
  She ended up having a back opperation and when she came home the doctors there put her on a very powerful pain drug called "Daladid" . Now just to let you know I don't know how to cook so she made all the meals. One day I believe she made supper and she put a over dose of this mediaction in me food. I was on a large dose of morphine at the time as well. After that she left the house for 4 days hopeing that when she came back that I would be dead and she would of told the police I was messed up with the morphine and I got into her medacations and over dosed myself.
   Well in that 4 days I was comatost I never ate or drank any thing and I believe that is what saved me. I missed two dialysis treatments and all I can remember is throwing up all the time I was a big mess.
   A good friend of mine got me out of that house and I moved back to my mothers. It took me 6 to 7 months with the doctors help to kick the morphine. In September it will be 2 years since I was in this horable realtionship. Today I feel like a different person all together but I do believe I was damaged by this woman as I have noticed I can not speak to woman and have become very shy. I will probably be alone for the rest of my life but who's knows what can happen.......Jamie-G

www.jamiegmagic.com

[Bajanne]

Jamie, you have really been through a great deal.  One thing that is encouraging however is that you have not given up.  That kind of determination is what makes our lives worthwhile.  So don't give up on relationships either.  You never know.  You are also doing something positive by joining this board and being an active member.  Keep on posting, keep on believing.  And when it is necessary, rant and rave and let it out.

[Jamie]

Well, I must say thats sound pretty positive but in my world some times the negitive will creep up. I say probably alot of the time in the last 2 years depression dose sit in just thinking about even trying to get into a new realtionship never mind the dialysis and the crap that goes with it.
   Also I must say thank God my magic keeps be very busy. I have a lot of magic friends in the magic world that are good people and they press me all the time to move forward.........Jamie-G

www.jamiegmagic.com

[Epoman]

Renal failure and dialysis are both hard on relationships.  My husband of 19 years decided this summer he wasn't happy any more and left.  We met at 19 and 23.  Life takes its toll and we go on.  And it isn't easy doing this by ourselves... I thank God for my friends and family.  And while I don't ever see myself in another serious relationship again- ya just never know what might be around the corner.  Being by myself has shown me I'm stronger than I ever would have imagined.

I am sorry too hear that "Iowagirl" I guess I am lucky my wife has stuck by me for 12+ years so far, and has never complained once.  I do not know what I would do without her.

[Epoman]

I really hope Epoman is true to his word and doesn't delete ppl's posts. I've had an awful time with relationships too. Now I just give up and resign myself to the fact it's not going to happen. I use call girls/prostitutes now. They come to my house for an hour and I can do whatever I like to them. Something to think about, friend.

I already told you I will let people rant, vent, yell and scream however If a post is too vulgar or offensive to our female members I will lock it faster than 450 blood flow. 

Try to remember this site is accessible to people from all age groups.

[Jamie]

Being on dialysis or getting on kidney transplant can be ruff for both partys is includes family members, friends and Co-workers.
   I also believe that some of the medications can also play a big role in this as well. And I also have noticed that most Doctors have no problem covering one problem with pill's with more pill's to cover that problem with more pill's to cover the other problem and next you know you are on more medication than what your food intake is.
  Unbelieveable no wonder why most people on dialysis feel like shit myself included.....Jamie-G

www.jamiegmagic.com

[Rerun]

Iowagirl,  When I got my transplant and the side effects of prednasone took over, I wasn't the cute perk blond that you see to your left (Just kidding-I was never that)     Anyway, after 10 years of marriage he dumped me for some tramp on the volunteer ambulance that he was involved with.  Beds in the back and everything! (Epoman, don't lock me out!) 

To make a long story short, it was the best thing that happened to me.  If you can't trust them to be there for you, you need to rely on yourself.   

They still haven't found his body~  (God... I'm kidding)!!! 

[Jamie]

Rerun,

  Some thing quite simular happen to me as well. I know it hurts and in my case as well it turned out to be better for me too.....Jamie-G

[Epoman]

Iowagirl,  When I got my transplant and the side effects of prednasone took over, I wasn't the cute perk blond that you see to your left (Just kidding-I was never that)     Anyway, after 10 years of marriage he dumped me for some tramp on the volunteer ambulance that he was involved with.  Beds in the back and everything! (Epoman, don't lock me out!) 

To make a long story short, it was the best thing that happened to me.  If you can't trust them to be there for you, you need to rely on yourself.   

They still haven't found his body~  (God... I'm kidding)!!! 

I am forwarding this post to the unsolved crimes division of the F.B.I.













  Just Kidding!

[LifeOnHold]

Hey, Epoman, you are horning in on my territory!  I'm supposed to be the misunderstood wise-ass around here!   


I have also had my share of "Your medical problems are just too much for me to handle!" from boyfriends.  Even the guy I am currently with had a major freak-out about a year ago.  But he realized that, yes, my medical situation IS bad, but he would rather spend whatever time I've got left WITH me than without me.  Not very romantic, but realistic.  We'll probably never have the sunset wedding on the beach that we both wanted, but we're making the best of what we've got.


Personally, I feel that you're better finding out quickly if the person you're with will be there for you when the going gets tough... it's even more stressful to face a major medical crisis and then have your partner walk away.   Condolences to everyone out there who's been abandoned by people they thought loved them-- we ihatedialysis.com posters might not be a good replacement for snuggling, but we'll help out any way we can.           

[Jamie]

Dear fellow renal readers,

  "Not my problem" or "Keep your comments to your self" or " There's others out there far worse off than you" Or " I like you as a friend" Or " We are to good of friends " Or "Your in self pitty" Or "You don't look sick".
   There are many sayings out there and I'm sure most of us have heard them. As for me personally as a "Guy" the most damageing saying is probably the "Friends" one no guy ill or normal wants to hear the "FRIENDS" talk. Once this starts to come out you pretty well know were its going....Jamie-G

www.jamiegmagic.com
(not playing the vilolin anymore but switched to the drums.)

[Bajanne]

Hahahaha!  That was cute, Jamie!  Anyway, so glad to see you still here and sharing.

[Jamie]

Bajenne2000,
 
  Pretty funny "EH" (thats what we say here in Canada) I not sure what really makes it funny though if its the bluntness or because its so true or because Bush is President not sure but it is some thing......Jamie-G

[geoffcamp]

This has been a major issue for me too.  My girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years when I got sick took off like a bullet.  I have been in two other "relationships" since and it never seems to work out.  I am sure that my lack of self-confidence does not help but I can't help but feeling why would anyone in their right mind want a broken person... cronic health issues, financial problems, scars... etc.  So I too have pretty much resigned to fact I will be alone and it sucks!  Maybe I can get Dr. Phil to fix me!

[Sara]

Geoff, everyone is "broken" in some way.  There are people out there beyond those superficial b****es that you've met. 

[geoffcamp]

I hope so 

[LifeOnHold]

This has been a major issue for me too. My girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years when I got sick took off like a bullet. I have been in two other "relationships" since and it never seems to work out. I am sure that my lack of self-confidence does not help but I can't help but feeling why would anyone in their right mind want a broken person... cronic health issues, financial problems, scars... etc. So I too have pretty much resigned to fact I will be alone and it sucks! Maybe I can get Dr. Phil to fix me!

Dr. Phil?  I wouldn't trust that big bald ugly bastard to fix a frying pan!   

[geoffcamp]

well he fixes everybody else in less then a 15 minute segment... I figure he could cure ESRD and get me a wife, house, kids, a new sportscar and a couple million bucks in just a commerical break.

[LifeOnHold]

I bet a big Dr. Phil scandal is right around the corner... remember how Dr. Laura was always pontificating about how to get along with your parents, and then the story broke about how they found her elderly mother dead in her apartment-- and Dr. Laura hadn't spoken to her in YEARS!  So I'm sure Dr. Phil has some skeletons in his closet, too... big, fat skeletons! 



It would be nice to have everything fixed in 15 minutes-- but I'll bet that if a bunch of us ESRD patients went down to the studio hoping to get on the show, they'd slam the door in our faces-- the complex life-quality issues we have would require too much actual WORK to solve.

[babi68]

I know Dr Phil, but who is Dr Laura does she have a show over there in the states like Dr Phil. I hate to admit it but I watch him every day I do dialysis Liz

[kitkatz]

My hubby had a big adjustment to make when I became ill.  I think he is just glad I stuck around for a few more years.  He loves me no matter what.  Boy has it been trying on both of us.  I find my self leaning more and more on his strength to keep getting up in the mornings and marching onward.  I guess I am a lucky one.  Twenty years and counting- seven on dialysis.

[okarol]

It's hard to be in a relationship when the roles change - and one partner becomes the patient and the other is unchanged. It means things are never going to be the same.