What's the Best Way to Ask Someone to Donate a Kidney?

[CebuShan]

So yeah Families suck!
I'm just thankful that i have my darling husband who supports me on his own and does a wonderful job!

Claire x

Yeah, I agree Claire, Families suck. When I refer to my family, it is not my blood family. I was raised in Foster homes. My Mom and my brothers and sisters are the last home I was in. The only one that treated me like family. I have not had any contact with my blood relatives in over 20 years. I do know where most of them are and I have thought about contacting them to see if they would get tested but why, they never cared about me when I was younger, why would they now?

BTW, love your Avatar!

[MightyMike]

I have a bunch of family who live around me.  The first time my kidneys failed my mom was first to say what do I have to do to get tested I also had an aunt and my aunts friend get tested they were all a match but my mom was a 3 out of 6 so she donated.  This time around out of all the family I have the only one who got tested was my step fathers son.  Go figure the one least related is the on who got tested.  He was a match but because of my antibodies it was a no go.  It's funny how family is sometimes they all ask how I'm doing but when I tell them it never crosses there mind to get tested, but if they were in my shoes I would get tested right away.  Makes you wonder sometimes how much they really care.  Im not mad because I know it's not for everyone but to use an excuse like money to deter you I think is BS I rather hear they are scared that would be more understandable to me at least.

[okarol]

I have a bunch of family who live around me.  The first time my kidneys failed my mom was first to say what do I have to do to get tested I also had an aunt and my aunts friend get tested they were all a match but my mom was a 3 out of 6 so she donated.  This time around out of all the family I have the only one who got tested was my step fathers son.  Go figure the one least related is the on who got tested.  He was a match but because of my antibodies it was a no go.  It's funny how family is sometimes they all ask how I'm doing but when I tell them it never crosses there mind to get tested, but if they were in my shoes I would get tested right away.  Makes you wonder sometimes how much they really care.  Im not mad because I know it's not for everyone but to use an excuse like money to deter you I think is BS I rather hear they are scared that would be more understandable to me at least.

Does your hospital use a paired donation program? If your donor is willing, he could enter the swap with you.

[DialysisGoneFOREVER]

I agree with what a bunch of ungrateful scum family is except for my sister! She donated but my transplant failed after 5 years so I need another one. My uncle sent out a mass e-mail to dozens of relatives but not a peep from them!

This is what family means! 

[LaurieCW]

What is your relationship like with family members who have refused or even ones who just remain silent and haven't offered?  I can't help it, but I am so hurt by my sister's refusal.  And she obviously feels guilty about it because she has distanced herself from me.  The most I get from her are texts every now and then saying, "thinking of you," or "how are you doing," or "call me when you feel up to it."  Blah blah blah.  Texting is the most cowardly way to communicate with someone.  You can hit send and then supposedly you've "done your duty."  I don't know how I can really ever look her in the face the same way again.  I would have done it in a heartbeat for her if things were reversed.  I would have been scared as heck, but I would have done it out of honor if nothing else.  I would never have been able to turn my back on a family member at need if I could help.

[okarol]

My family has always been a disappointment as far as any kind of support, been that way my whole life. So I can't say I was surprised that none of them offered, but I thought perhaps my niece or nephew might, being closer in age to Jenna. But my brother and 2 sisters all have PKD so I imagine that their kids would expect to donate to their parents.
I really think it's best to forgive those who did not offer to donate and enlist them as your advocates. It may help get over some of the hurt, and repair relationships as they get involved in a campaign to help you find a donor. When asked how you're doing say "I need your help to get my story out there, so I can find a donor."
 

[miket]

I got mine on facebook, I literally shared a link of a craigslist ad and it spread like wild fire... Instead of asking one at a time, get online and make 10,000 connections just by sharing. People love to help and even if they don't want to donate they can get the feeling like they still helped by sharing your request. There is nothing wrong with asking...

[DialysisGoneFOREVER]

Just walk up to a random person on the street and say "Gimme your kidney!!" 

[Simon Dog]

Someone was desperate to have her computer fixed, and even said she'd give a kidney to get it done.   Once her machine was working, I told her that I would not collect at this time since she is a lifelong smoker (she did not know I was in a position to accept delivery).

[CebuShan]

Someone was desperate to have her computer fixed, and even said she'd give a kidney to get it done.   Once her machine was working, I told her that I would not collect at this time since she is a lifelong smoker (she did not know I was in a position to accept delivery).

      

[DialysisGoneFOREVER]

Someone was desperate to have her computer fixed, and even said she'd give a kidney to get it done.   Once her machine was working, I told her that I would not collect at this time since she is a lifelong smoker (she did not know I was in a position to accept delivery).

Some smokers have great kidneys. You should've asked her what her creatinine level is!

 

[AnnieB]

Someone was desperate to have her computer fixed, and even said she'd give a kidney to get it done.   Once her machine was working, I told her that I would not collect at this time since she is a lifelong smoker (she did not know I was in a position to accept delivery).

Some smokers have great kidneys. You should've asked her what her creatinine level is!

 

 

[AnnieB]

My sister did offer, but I'm not really comfortable about taking her up on it. For several reasons. I also just read somewhere that donors can have a hard time getting insurance afterwards. My Mom also has mentioned (a number of times) that she wanted to give me one of hers...but she's 91 so of course I said, No Way! It means a lot that she (both, actually) offered, though. Right now I am still pre-D (but am supposed to talk to a surgeon about getting a fistuala placed). I'm not really sure what I feel about transplants right now, I am not thrilled with any of my options. Maybe after being on D I will be gung ho to find a kidney; right now it just seems that even for people who get transplants you have to worry about it failing.   

[CebuShan]

My sister did offer, but I'm not really comfortable about taking her up on it. For several reasons. I also just read somewhere that donors can have a hard time getting insurance afterwards. My Mom also has mentioned (a number of times) that she wanted to give me one of hers...but she's 91 so of course I said, No Way! It means a lot that she (both, actually) offered, though. Right now I am still pre-D (but am supposed to talk to a surgeon about getting a fistuala placed). I'm not really sure what I feel about transplants right now, I am not thrilled with any of my options. Maybe after being on D I will be gung ho to find a kidney; right now it just seems that even for people who get transplants you have to worry about it failing.   

Just remember that transplants are not cures, they are just another kind of treatment. It took me over a year after I started D to stop being freaked out about having somebody else's body part in me! Once I wrapped my mind around it, I decided to start jumping through all the hoops!   

[Dman73]

I have had my boss and a neighbor offer me a kidney. I thanked each of them of their generosity and told them that someday they may need that kidney and that I will be OK getting a cadaver kidney someday. I finally got my transplant and it lasted 14 years without putting anybody at risk.

[cykid]

It's been a while since I posted here, but everything is fine so far for me.

I couldn't help myself not to answer this, as this subject is not only delicate but it also gave me an inside look.


...When I first heard what my issue was, I looked at nephrologist saying "either dialysis or transplant" and all I felt helpless, in desperate need for help, and that he could have helped me.
If you know that cartoonish scene where someone starved sees the friend as a potential meal, you know what I mean: it was really strange, as the doctor was old and a bit slouched I saw him like a walking kidney. It felt like he would be obliged to donate or something.

Then I started to think: who'd be able to donate for me, realistically speaking?
The list was really short: family only, and very few members: 2 sisters, 2 parents and my wife. That was about it.

While my parents called me right away to let me know they would be willing to donate, my sisters never did it.
It was a cousin who said "he would donate some blood if needed".

I felt like: "Blood? I need a damn kidney !"

It's strange how selfish we can get.

My kidney problem being solved (I'm blood compatible with my father so it turned to be a good transplant), I started to think a bit deeper about this.

People around me knew about my problem. Why most (and in some cases, all) wouldn't help me (us)? Why?

Then I made another list: people to whom I would donate if I was on the other side of the fence. Now THAT was a good wake-up call.

Just try it, and be *very* honest with yourself.

[okarol]

People around me knew about my problem. Why most (and in some cases, all) wouldn't help me (us)? Why?

Then I made another list: people to whom I would donate if I was on the other side of the fence. Now THAT was a good wake-up call.

Just try it, and be *very* honest with yourself.

Good idea. 

If you know that cartoonish scene where someone starved sees the friend as a potential meal, you know what I mean: it was really strange, as the doctor was old and a bit slouched I saw him like a walking kidney. It felt like he would be obliged to donate or something.

  I feel like that all the time.