Come to my pity party

[RichardMEL]

Wikipedia has a big table showing the averages in the population by country:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_type#ABO_and_Rh_distribution_by_country

Interesting reading. If it's accurate, and I'd take a stab that the figures are in the ballpark, then 37.4% of Americans (and 40% of aussies) are O+, just ahead of A+ (which is me) at 35.7%(US)/31%(AU).

As an interesting cultural difference, in Hong Kong only 10% are O+ while 27% are B+(much more rare in the western countries).

The most rare is AB-, just 0.45% of the world population.....

Therefore maybe you should move to Hong Kong! I know a great restaurant in Mody Road.....

[Bruno]

I always feel better after a good whinge. I think it's a neglected form of therapy that could be used more often. My favourite whinge is the Government because it can last as long as the next election. I love whinging about my prostate problem but i must admit it is a real conversation ender. I could go on, but what's the use...I can tell you're not listening.
.....sigh.

[Riki]

I got in a bit of an argument with my best friend last night.  She says that I spend way too much time online and in bed.  I know she's right, but she nags me about it, and I don't think she realizes how much it upsets me.  I don't really want to tell her either, so I'm kinda stuck in a cycle of her saying I need to do this or that, and me biting my tongue, so I don't yell at her and wanting to hide under my blankie some more

[jbeany]

I got in a bit of an argument with my best friend last night.  She says that I spend way too much time online and in bed.  I know she's right, but she nags me about it, and I don't think she realizes how much it upsets me.  I don't really want to tell her either, so I'm kinda stuck in a cycle of her saying I need to do this or that, and me biting my tongue, so I don't yell at her and wanting to hide under my blankie some more

Ask her to schedule something fun, that doesn't over strain a budget constrained by medical expenses, that doesn't involve a lot of physical activity that will make you violently ill the next day or exhausted for days after, that fits around a dialysis schedule, that doesn't expose you to temptations of food or drink that you can't have on your diet, that doesn't use up the little time you have when you are feeling well that you need for absolutely necessary chores, and that can be canceled without cost at the last second if you are too sick to go - and you'll be there.

I've never yet heard of case where nagging cured chronic illness or the depression that goes hand in hand with it!

[Riki]

I got in a bit of an argument with my best friend last night.  She says that I spend way too much time online and in bed.  I know she's right, but she nags me about it, and I don't think she realizes how much it upsets me.  I don't really want to tell her either, so I'm kinda stuck in a cycle of her saying I need to do this or that, and me biting my tongue, so I don't yell at her and wanting to hide under my blankie some more

Ask her to schedule something fun, that doesn't over strain a budget constrained by medical expenses, that doesn't involve a lot of physical activity that will make you violently ill the next day or exhausted for days after, that fits around a dialysis schedule, that doesn't expose you to temptations of food or drink that you can't have on your diet, that doesn't use up the little time you have when you are feeling well that you need for absolutely necessary chores, and that can be canceled without cost at the last second if you are too sick to go - and you'll be there.

I've never yet heard of case where nagging cured chronic illness or the depression that goes hand in hand with it!

I think that if I was able to do more than talk to her over IM, I'd hide any crappyness caused by dialysis or otherwise to see her.  She lives in New Jersey, I live on Prince Edward Island.  I see her once a year.  She was doing it again tonight, though, saying that I need to start walking

[RichardMEL]

Yes, but when you're spending all that time in bed... she doesn't know if you're alone or not does she??? 

[MooseMom]

Riki, I'm not sure how much your best friend really understands the demand of D on your life; she may truly not get that you don't feel like walking.  I don't know your friend, but I'd guess that she wants to help you and may worry that your blankie-hiding may be a sign of depression.  Most people find it hard to just stand by and watch their best friend suffer; she probably wants to "fix" things for you, and this is the only solution she has come up with.

Like you've said, she may be right!  Do you think that a short walk each day might actually give you some energy?  After a while, lying in bed actually can become enervating.

If you do not tell her, of course she will not realize how much her nagging upsets you.  She can't read you mind, and perhaps her crystal ball is broken.   I personally have found it really hard to ascertain what exactly I want from other people.  Maybe if you could decide what exactly you want your friend to provide you, then you could tell her..."I just want someone that I can talk to", or "I'd like to be able to take your advice, but right now I just cannot."  I'm sure she would LOVE to know exactly how best to help you throught this difficult time, but you may just have to tell her.

[ChickenLittle56]

My hand are covered with ant bites and its itching like crazy. Went to feed the dogs and reached in and grabbed the scoop, when I took it out the container I had ants crawling all over it. D**N, Somebody forgot to close the $#@!& container all the way. It couldn't have been me I wasn't the last one to feed the dogs.

[MooseMom]

I've done something to my left foot.  It is so sore and stiff in the morning.  Once I start walking around, it eases up, but I can't figure out what the problem is.  Could I possibly be just getting old?  Naw, that CAN'T be it...

[ChickenLittle56]

aaahhhhhh I can't stand it, the ant bites are begining to bother me and I need something to relieve the itching. 

[Riki]

Riki, I'm not sure how much your best friend really understands the demand of D on your life; she may truly not get that you don't feel like walking.  I don't know your friend, but I'd guess that she wants to help you and may worry that your blankie-hiding may be a sign of depression.  Most people find it hard to just stand by and watch their best friend suffer; she probably wants to "fix" things for you, and this is the only solution she has come up with.

Like you've said, she may be right!  Do you think that a short walk each day might actually give you some energy?  After a while, lying in bed actually can become enervating.

If you do not tell her, of course she will not realize how much her nagging upsets you.  She can't read you mind, and perhaps her crystal ball is broken.   I personally have found it really hard to ascertain what exactly I want from other people.  Maybe if you could decide what exactly you want your friend to provide you, then you could tell her..."I just want someone that I can talk to", or "I'd like to be able to take your advice, but right now I just cannot."  I'm sure she would LOVE to know exactly how best to help you throught this difficult time, but you may just have to tell her.

She knows how dialysis kicks my ass  She's seen it first hand.  I do know that she's worried about the possibility of depression because she's mentioned it to my mom, who brushes it off.  She thinks I should go out more, because I rarely leave the house.  That's something that's not new.  Even when I wasn't on dialysis, I didn't leave the house much.  I like being home.  I think was bothers her most is that I've stopped writing.  I can't explain that one.  I always wanted to be a writer, from the time I was a kid, but I was discouraged from the practice by my dad, who basically told me I wasn't good enough and to find something that would bring in an income. The way she put it was, that it was my dream, and it looked to her like I was giving up on it.  I don't know if that's what I'm doing or not, I just know I have no motivation to work on the book I started last November

Everybody has that one friend that they tell everything to, and for me, it's her.  We've kind of been that for each other.  Perhaps she sees a change in my that I don't see, or that my mom doesn't see and that's why she's telling me that I need to do all these things.  I just don't want to.  I don't know why I don't want to, I just don't.

[RichardMEL]

I am back at the pity party.

I was just on D. The guy sitting right in front of me.. HE GOT THE CALL! I mean.. REALLY! I thought I'd never see it for real ... it happened.

I was SO HAPPY and SO EXCITED for him.. amazing.

Then someone asked him his blood group. A+ That's my blood group. I then foolishly asked him how long he'd been on the list waiting for the call. He said 3 years.

I've been waiting over 4 and a half years.

I feel totally churlish (I hope that's the right use of that word) but I was a bit sad. I mean totally rapt for him. The best match for him came along and he got the call.. clearly that kidney wasn't a good match for me (interestingly he didn't even ask what kind of match it was or anything - and I thought of that other thread on IHD about 'what do you ask?' - I think like the rest of us he was too surprised to ask anything!). Still I felt sad thinking "what about me?" why do I have to keep waiting? I'd been told that I've matched organs before... and then I feel bad for feeling that way. It's not that I'm jealous of him, or dn't want him to have it or anything like that... it's just like... I feel like I've come so close... and it's been denied. And I know that isn't very reasonable, but I still feel down about it. I know that too is normal and understandable, but I am having a bit of a pity party though.

I did, however, buy myself a lotto ticket with today's date and time he got the call as numbers... lol

I really hope it works out for him and the kidney works straight away!!! Really I do (yeah that means he's definitely off the list being ahead of me!).

It's a beautiful day and I just feel let down.. like I just got dumped or rejected by a girl or something.

[Riki]

I haven't heard of a transplant for anyone around in ages. the unit is small, so if there was one, I'd probably hear about it.  I'm starting to wonder if they even do transplants anymore

[RichardMEL]

Didn't win anything from the lotto ticket either. 

Today is 10/10/10.

I want a bloody kidney so it's an easy anniversary date to remember! 

[MooseMom]

Oh  Richard, I do understand how you feel.  Happy for the other person, sad for yourself, guilty for feeling sad for yourself.  All sorts of feelings all at once, all of them perfectly valid.  You sit there and wonder, "Am I ever going to get that miracle?  Will something that wonderful ever happen to ME?"  Yes, "churlish" is a word, and no, you are not being churlish.  Not in the least.  I think anyone who is in your position and claims never to think, "What about me?" is lying.

Riki, you bring up a very good point.  Maybe your friend DOES see something in you that you do not see yourself.  She may be one of those people who wants to fix things for you and can't really do anything except encourage you to do this and do that when you don't feel like doing this and certainly not that.  Maybe you could ask her what she sees.  A different perspective is usually helpful.  She probably does see your writer's block as a sign of depression and is worried.  Maybe you could think more deeply about why you have stopped writing.  If you are just not in the mood, that's fair enough.  Or if you are not motivated to continue the book you started, maybe it's time to dump that project and start a new one?

[chook]

I was going to have a whinge about trying to 'garden' and how hard it is, since I seem to have developed a hernia (or two!) and am being SO CAREFUL not to lift anything. Then I read Richard's post - what a difficult thing to experience. I can only imagine feeling the 'why not me?'. And I don't think 'churlish' really would describe how you felt, Richard - Google gives the meaning as 'rude in a mean-spirited and surly way'. Somehow I can't imagine that description would fit you. If it happened to me, I'd probably just cry!!!
  My family keeps telling me how well I look, and I do, but I think they assume I'm cured. We are a very close family and all get along, however only one sister has made enquiries re being a donor and two have refused. I sort of wish more of my family (cousins, nieces, nephews etc) were lining up to be tested for me - I'd like to think that is what I'd do if the situation was reversed. Then I'd know I have backup for when my health starts to slip. When I think about all this, I feel sad and greedy at the same time. Is there a word for that?!
I love when dates make mathematical music, as in 10/10/10. I also get a buzz when I look at a digital display clock  and it says eg. 11:11. Small things, ah?

[boswife]

i think these are all perfectly valid reasons for pittypartying for sure...  I have to say though  RichardMEL, that your news even felt like a sock in the gut to me.  Not a' fair or unfair' , just a whole twisted painfull(yet still happy for him) sence of WHY??   I just deleted alllllll else of what i had to say about it as it was truly complaining big time, but i am hoping there may be some valid answers on why 'your' waiting longer than someone else. DOGGONIT!!  I can only send some hugs and hope that all the support you get here at least helps ya..

[galvo]

Bummer, Richard.

[RichardMEL]

Thanks guys for the support.

I did feel churlish, and in exactly that way, because I did blurt out a rude comment when he said 3 years - something like "wow I've been waiting longer than that!" and then I instantly felt bad for being so sort of selfish and I think some people might have felt that was mean spirited and everything. I was very quick to be very happy for him (and sincerely so!) and I don't think HE thought I felt ill towards him because of his miracle, but some of the nurses maybe. They were like "oh you will be next" (yeah well they've been saying that for a few years now!).

I am feeling better about it today though. I mean that's life. Just have to suck it up and wait - as usual.

It WAS so cool to actually witness that though. I've always wondered what it would be like.. because he was right in front of me I pretty much witnessed it.. I mean I wasn't listening in or anything.. I sort of noticed one of the nurses on the phone then I thought it odd when she handed the unit phone to him but you know I didn't listen to what he was saying or anything (I was watching my laptop) but then I heard someone say something about transplant, so I did pay more attention and yeah. He was quite calm about it all (though his BP betrayed him a bit  but then so did MINE!) but he didn't rush to call anyone, he just sat there waiting for his session to finish. They came around and said good he's here they took blood wanted some swabs of his nose or something(?!!) and yeah it was all very calm. About the most exciting thing was when he said "oh can you call the company for me - I have a delivery of supplies on Tuesday - guess I won't need that now!" 

He took FOREVER to clot - like I reckon 20 mins each site, and I thinking "holy crap I'd be just itching to get up, get up to the ward, whatever!" but he was very calm and mnatter of fact.

I wonder how I will be.

Well I will text someone to post on IHD of course if I can't!!!

[Riki]

Richard, I've gotten that call twice.  You're excited, and you're scared.  Your head spins a bit, and I think I cried a little.. *L*

[RichardMEL]

I think the nurses would love to see me cry 

[MooseMom]

Richard, I hope you don't mind me asking, but I've been wondering this ever since I read your post yesterday...WHY are you still waiting?  You've said that you've matched kidneys in the past, but you've still been denied...why?  I don't really know enough about this, I guess; I mean, I understand about the antigens, but what other factors are in play that determine that your clinic-mate was a better match than you?  Are you just especially unique or something?

[kitkatz]

I am having a pity party tonight.  My arm is sore.  I am trying to come off the Tylenol III pain meds.  I am pretty miserable.  I hate this damn thing in my chest.  My arm looks like a shark bit it. 

[RichardMEL]

Richard, I hope you don't mind me asking, but I've been wondering this ever since I read your post yesterday...WHY are you still waiting?  You've said that you've matched kidneys in the past, but you've still been denied...why?  I don't really know enough about this, I guess; I mean, I understand about the antigens, but what other factors are in play that determine that your clinic-mate was a better match than you?  Are you just especially unique or something?

Well that's the million dollar question isn't it? I wish I had an answer but I don't really other than to say that the co-ordinator told me a year or so ago that I matched for organs previously, but the organs had obviously gone to people higher up the list (ie: longer wait time). So near as I can figure it it's one of two scenarios:

1. I'm so dirt common with my antigens that there's a bunch of people who are basically the same, all queued up, and there are still folks waiting longer than me. This implies that the guy who got the kidney on Saturday has more rare antigen match than me (though from what I could tell he was just as caucasion and middle aged as I am  )

2. I'm so bloomin unique that there just aren't many antigen matches for me thus I have to wait longer - and there may or may not still be people ahead of me (ie: waiting longer). That suggests Saturday guy was common and boring 

As I understand it, the way the list works down here is that it is first matched on blood group, then on the 6 antigens, then it is weighted on time waiting on dialysis. There are *rumours* that they also weight on age, with the idea that younger people might have a slightly higher weighting than older, but I've never actually heard that confirmed (and it may have just been told to be my nurses trying to keep me positive...). I think the only time that might be broken is if there's like a 6/6 match, but as we all know that's rare enough to not really be considered.

I mean I guess I have to remember that when they quote an average of "4-5 years" waiting time (I'll be 5 in January) that consists of folks getting a call after 6 months, 2 years, 3 years and then on the other end, 7, 9 and 11 years...... That's why it's called an average.

[Nephrologista]

I'm really sorry, Richard.  If you were in the US I'd suggest you look into getting listed at more than one transplant center, but I don't know if that's allowed in Oz.

Most transplant centers here will move someone to the top of the list if the kidney is a 6/6 antigen match.  Maybe that's what happened.