It's a difficult time

[del]

My husband's mom has been living with us for 27 years. The past few years she has suffered from confusion and dementia. It has gotten a lot worse lately.  The past few weeks she has been getting up and doing things at night. About 2 weeks ago she called her daughter at 2 a.m really upset that we had gone and left her in the house alone.  We were in bed asleep with Walt hooked up to the dialysis machine. She had been right through the house looking for us apparently. Walt's sister must have told her to come knock on our bedroom door to see if we were home. Really frightened the 2 of us that she would ask such a question.  We have not left her alone for a couple of years. This morning just after Walt got unhooked from dialysis she knocked on the door and asked where the bathroom was. This is just a couple of examples.  Walt has been really stresses over this.  He decided this morning that it is time for her to go to a home - we just can't do it anymore. The stress is just too much.  I went to the doctor this afternoon and I am off work until Feb. 1 until we get everything fixed up. WE went to visit the manager at the home this afternoon.  It is les that 30 minute drive from our home.  Her sister lives there and she told us she would take her under her wing for a few days when she goes ther (she's only 91!!) Walt's mom is 81. Her brother in law and his wife also live there(Walt's Dad's brother).  She also knows a lot of other people who live there.
She was not very receptive of the idea when Walt talked to her about it.  She knows nothing about the night time episodes and that really scares us about what she might too some time soon!! I have to make some calls tomorrow to get assessments started to get her in there.  The manager of the home told us to explain our situation and things will probably move faster than normal. 

I am so glad Walt decided on his own to do this. He talked to his sister this morning and she is with him on placing her in a home. His mother is at her house now and staying there all night.  Walt is going to talk to her about her staying there for a few nights next week (especially the nights when he has dialysis). I have been thinking about it for weeks and apparently so has he but he just didn't know how to approach the subject.  Hopefully the ball is rolling but it is so hard to have to do this.

[monrein]

So hard Del, these final moves, and the dementia complicates the adjustment phase as well.  At least there will be some familiar faces there for your mil and it's not too far from you and Walt.  Your safety concerns are correct and wandering outside at night, or any time really could be tragic. 

We just moved my mother-in-law a couple of months ago into a retirement home but she's very on the ball even at 91.  Still not easy but we have gained much peace of mind.  I wish the same for you and Walt and hope that your mil will settle in and perhaps even enjoy some of the new activities available to her.

[Rerun]

It is a move for safety.  Hers and yours.  Those places cost a huge amount, but sometimes when you don't have the 10 extra people to watch them it can get scary.  We had to put my dad in a home and he was constantly trying to escape.  It is a hard

[dwcrawford]

So horrible Des.  I just knew it was coming to that with my Dad.  He died in the hospital at the same time I was looking for a place.  It haunts me.  And now it is my turn... omg.  I'm not going.

[willowtreewren]

Oh, my heart goes out to you Del. Even though it is hard to come to this decision, it is something that you both know has to be done.

 

[del]

So horrible Des.  I just knew it was coming to that with my Dad.  He died in the hospital at the same time I was looking for a place.  It haunts me.  And now it is my turn... omg.  I'm not going.

I'm del , Dan!!!!  LOL 

[dwcrawford]

duh... I was close

[dwcrawford]

del with an l
marc with a c
pkaren with an e

gosh

[del]

del with an l
marc with a c
pkaren with an e

gosh

 A saying I've always heard -I don't really care what you call me as long as you don't call me late for supper LOL.  I don't care how it is spelled either!!

[Hanify]

It is so hard Del, but obviously it is for the best.  I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

[Mizar]

My Father-In-Law and His Wife, lived in Florida. They were Hundreds of Miles away, from any other Family. He also had Dementia. He was 91 and His Wife was 87.
One Night, She found Him at 3 A.M. on the Street, in Front of Their House, in His Pajamas. His Wife, became so Exhausted, from Watching, Him, She was put in the Hospital. It was a Hard, Decision, but it was Time. You will Find, Peace, with this and know, it was the right thing to do.  Take Care.

[iketchum]

I am afraid my sister needs to be put in a nursing facility. Her husband may lose his family home in order to do it so she may have to stay at home. It is a hard decision to make.

[del]

So sorry to hear that bill.  It is hard.

[del]

I think we have the problem solved!!  Walt's mom is going to go lve with her daughter. She only lives about 5 minutes walk from us.