That is the only reason I'd consider starting dialysis. Is if I knew my memory would get better.
what the...
I'm sorry but your memory should be one of the last things you're worrying about in my opinion. I think you have your priorities wrong. I'd be worrying about the buildup of toxins, and stuff like potassium and phosphates, and fluid - all of which could have fatal reprocussions on you. High PTH and the like leading to bone dease/fragile bones/easy breaks etc... there are many things going on in your body RIGHT NOW that you SHOULD be worried about and should be reason enough to start dialysis.
Do you think its really the kidney disease that's making me forgetful and not think or do I need to face the fact that I'm not 16 anymore.
You just won't face the facts will you? It's irrelevant how old you are at this point. How many of us need to tell you, both from our own experiences, and the literature, that it is a known side effect of kidney failure that ones memory and mental faculties can be affected... yet you're, yet again, looking for any excuse to deny that it's the disease that you DO have that is most likely causing the issues (not to mention the other side effects you have told us you are experiencing).. "oh it's old age, not the kidney failure" so you can go on ignoring the need you clearly have to start.
This is distressing to read for some of us.
I just can't take it anymore.
So START DIALYSIS.
I'm sorry this is coming over way more rude/harsh than I want it to. I considered editing and then I thought no, I won't. I write because I sincerely care and you are digging yourself in deeper when you have an opportunity to improve your life right now while you are able to relatively easily (as in, your timetable, your choice, NOT in the ER at 3am near death with everything happening outside of your control and feeling like crap to boot). None of us who read this stuff want you to endure anything like that. It scares me to the core that someone can be presented over and over with the facts of their condition, plus the symptoms they are experiencing that is causing their quality of life to be diminished.. and they are told over and over what they need to do.. but they ignore it time and again when the results could be deadly to say the least.
I would rather you were posting here whinging about dialysis than not at all.
It reminds me of a binge drinker who drinks 2 bottles of vodka then gets behind the wheel and drives for an hour. Right now you're being pulled over by the cops and given a ticket - time and time again - but sooner or later there's going to be a massive crash......