Mom is starting to lose the battle.....

[karen547]

  My mom has not had Chemo 2 times in a row due to low platelets, and bad white blood cell count. She is sleeping more, has little to no appetite and is falling deeper into her depression. I am so scared and upset. I don't know how to act around her, and sometimes I avoid her, which makes me feel terrible. I don't know what to do or say... I just want her to live!







TOPIC MOVED to appropriate Section - Bajanne, Moderator

[willowtreewren]

Oh, Karen.

 

We never, ever know how we are going to react to situations. Please don't feel guilty.

You may think you don't know what to say, but you already told us! Why not tell her, too?

When my mom refused additional Chemo for her lung cancer, I didn't know how to react, either. I did not want to lose her, but I also wanted to respect her choice. Boy, it was hard. So I just told her that I really, really wanted her to live, but only if that was what SHE wanted.

And it was that she wanted to maintain a little quality of life for the short time she had left. I respected that. This is making me tear up, just writing about it. Eight plus years have passed, still miss her and we weren't all that close.

Hugs to you. Many hugs to you.

 

Aleta

[KICKSTART]

I really dont know what to say because ive never been in your position. Do you do whats best for the person (their wishes) or whats easier for you (your wishes). Im sorry i cant be more helpful to you .

[Sluff]

Scared is a normal emotion Karen but you need to be strong for her. Unfortunately I lost both parents to cancer within 3 years of each other and I can totally understand how you feel and what you are going through. Now is the time to comfort and be with your Mom. Spend some quality time together while you have the chance. This does not necessarily mean it is the end but you should try to prepare yourself for the inevitable anyway. There are books at the library to help you emotionally accept the stage of life you are going through and there are also books to help you talk with your mom about your fears. Hopefully she is just tired right now and she gains some strength to give you more time together but if she doesn't, you should prepare yourself emotionally. My thoughts are with you Karen. 

[paul.karen]

Sad to read this.
Prayers to your family is all i can offer.

[Romona]

  I don't know what to say. You will be in my thoughts.

[rose1999]

Try to spend what time you can with her, even if it is only sitting by her while she sleeps.  I hope she will recover but if the worst happens at least you will have no regrets if you spent what time you could with her, it's not easy, I really do know that, but it is worth it for your future comfort.  I will keep you in my thoughts. 

[thegrammalady]

i know just how you feel. my dad has Aazheimer's. the only thing i can do is laugh at some of the things he says or i'll can cry for hours.  big hugs to you. the way you feel is very understandable,

[lizabee]

My Mom passed away 12 years ago and I remember feeling the same way, what do I say? How do I act? All I can say is I regretted NOT saying more, NOT telling her things that I should have, so I would encourage you to try and act as "normal" as you can and to say what you feel.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

[Des]

I am sorry to hear....

I lost a dad to Leukemia and I can tell you what I did. I asked him lots and lots of questions (when he was up to it of course) He shared stuff with me that I never would have known about him. His childhood, first job, flowers he liked, favourate book, and lots more.

This keeps the communication open.... and that is how he one morning told me that he is dying and that he wants me to help him plan his funeral... yep down to the last song, flowers and guests....... I will always treasure those last few weeks with him....

my advise is do not think... just be there for her.   

[okarol]

 
Karen, I wish you didn't have to deal with this, it's so hard to watch someone you love struggle. Please take care of yourself, hug your mom - touch is such a wonderful thing. Best wishes and love to you. 

[Rerun]

I say bring your roses now.  Make yourself spend time with her and hold her hand.  You will be glad you did.  You don't want regrets.

                         

[Mizar]

Rerun, said, it all. As Adults, We are all going to run into Difficult situations in Our Lives. People Who are Sick, People, who have lost a Loved Ones, People going, through Divorces, bad Financial Situations, ect. Don't worry about the Perfect Words to say, because there are no Perfect Words, Just be there for them. 

[looneytunes]

Oh Karen547...my heart goes out to you.   It is hard to be there for them and it's even harder not to be. 

I was caregiver for my mother who passed away in 2006 from cancer.   Initially I too did not know what to say (or not say).  At times I tried to change the subject when she would speak of her death. Or try to convince her (or me) that she would beat it and go into remission.   I wanted her to live because I would miss her so much. 

Once the fact of her pending death was acknowledged by both of us, it became a very special time.  We laughed, cried, told stories, shared our thoughts on just about every subject imaginable, watched TV, read, sang or just sat quietly holding hands. 

I will always cherish the time I spent with her and you will with your mother also.  Don't feel guilty for having these feelings, they are perfectly normal.  Just take a deep breath and focus on spending as much quality time with her as you can. 

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Jean]

Karen, my heart totally breaks for you. Having been there already, all I can say is to spend every minute that you can with her. Give her a rub-down, a bath, some flowers, some perfume, maybe some home made cookies. Just show her how much you love her. You will never regret it.

[Hanify]

Thinking of you Karen.  I know how she feels as a cancer victim - and when I was at my sickest I just couldn't think straight to make the situation better for those around me.  Does that make sense?  I spend all my energy just being.  Try to just be her support in any way you can.  Do talk to her.  She may want to talk, but may not have the energy - mentally or physically.  Being there is the main thing.  But so so hard on you.

[aharris2]

We attended a funeral this weekend. The individual died a sudden death. He was middle-aged, slim and in apparent good health. His family is devastated, especially his youngest - a son in his early twenties who was very close to him. The young man laments the things he didn't get a chance to say, the hugs he didn't get a chance to give.

Karen, I am not intending to be insensitive. I certainly understand wanting someone to live and not knowing what to say. But your mother is alive. You have the chance that the young man did not. There comes a time be it now or be it later when the struggle is over and the remaining time is for loving and sharing. You have some excellent thoughts and suggestions posted by others. I wish you strength.

[karen547]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and advice. I bought my mom a bouquet of her favorite flowers, puerto rican lilies. I also bought a blank card and I plan on writing her a letter. She's taking her Ensure again, and a multivitamin and so am I. Hopefully she will make it through this patch of hard times..

[Bajanne]

My caring thoughts and prayers are with both your mom and you.  I am glad to hear that there is some improvement.  We are with you as you go through this.

[billybags]

karen547, MY thoughts are with you and your family. Glad to hear she is a little better.

[dyannalw]

I understand how you are feeling as I am going through the same thing right now.  My mom was diagnosed with liver cancer back in July the same week I started dialysis.  The doctor says it is secondary and the primary is in the lung but they haven't found anything there yet.  She is deteriorating with the use of the chemo.  It just seems to be making her sicker.  She is week and shakey.  She just seems old all of a sudden and it is really hard to watch.  I'm sad and angry and I'm losing my faith in God because of it.  I don't know what to do.  I try to be strong in front of her and not show my fear.  I love her so much, she is my rock and I honestly don't know what I will do with out her. 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to over take this thread.  I just wanted you to know I know how you feel and I'm sorry you have to go through this.  You are in my thoughts.

Dyanna

[okarol]

Hi Karen,
Just thinking of you and your mom. 

[karen547]

Mom has gotten a little better! She still has low platelets, but they have gone up.

[jbeany]

  to you both.

[looneytunes]

Great to hear Karen547!  Sure hope she continues to gain!