I am at the end of my patient wifely rope!!!

[mcmkids]

   I haven't posted in a while, partly because I hate to complain. Do you mind if I scream and tear my hair out? My husband has got to me so upset right now I can't even look at him.  First and foremost, he REFUSES to get onto this wonderful site to actually get some support and network with people like him. He has been on PD since January and he absolutely hates it. He hates it because it does not work exactly right unless his bowels are clear. When he can actually move his bowels, the machine works fine. Which brings up problem number two, which is that he refuses to take his laxatives with any regularity so that he can have regular BM's. He waits until he is so constipated that he can't see straight and then we go into panic mode. He has a long standing back injury and is on high doses of pain meds to control his pain (he wears a fentanyl patch and takes Vicodin ES for breakthrough pain). These medications are opiates and are very constipating. See the viscious cycle? He stays awake at night while the machine is supposed to be dialyzing him, with the TV blaring, eating and huffing/ puffing and making comments about how much he hates this, which of course keeps me awake. When he drains too slow or has pain, he just shuts the machine off!!!! Then when I have to get up, he is sleeping like a baby. (He is on disability). I have a spare bedroom that I could go into, but he hates when I do that because he says that married people should sleep together. I have tried to be patient, supportive, etc... to no avail...he has a head like concrete. I have no more money for prescriptions and with his diabled status and three kids, we are broke. Does anyone have any ideas about how he can regulate his bowels (we have tried fiber, increasing his liquids and most recently, miralax to no avail.) The only thing that seems to work is dulcolax tabs and he needs to take 3 and 4 at a time at least twice a day for them to work! Thank you for any suggestions, but mostly for letting me scream!!!! 

[Jean]

Aww, that is the pitts, especially since he does it to himself. Well, not the kidney part, but you know what I mean. I use a Shaklee product called Herb-Lax, and I also take vicodin daily, but only one. You can take up to 3 pills a day and I take one and amcleaned out on a daily basis. Somethimes, too cleaned out, but what are ya gonna do. Good luck with the cement head. Hope he doesn't stay in denial forever.

[billybags]

I think the  is really apt for what you are saying. As carers we have a lot to put up with, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way but I think your husband has got to meet you half way and help his self more. The regime in England is to take 2 laxatives and a stool softener every day, whether you are constipated or not. My husband wont go on any sites, I do and keep giving him info whether he wants it or not. Is there any way you can get his renal nurse to have words with him, he perhaps needs a professional to sort him and his machine out. I wish you luck. PD is the easy way to dialysis if he had to go on to Hemo he would hate it more. Keep screaming.

[mcmkids]

I agree 100% with the hemo part. He is used to feeling great and being strong. The kidney failure is the result of chemotherapy and dehydration. It is a miracle that he is still alive but at 44, he wants to do everything that most people his age are doing and he just can't. I feel for the man, but I am a firm believer in that whatevere comes your way, you deal with. I have been a nurse for 20 years and I can honestly say that he is the worst patient I have ever had. The renal doc and his dialysis nurse want him to take a laxative that is not an irritant (like dulcolax). The trouble is that the others don't seem to work. I like the stool softener/ laxative regime and as soon as he wakes up (see, I am awake getting ready for my day and he is sound asleep after turning the machine off mid-drain!) I will discuss it with him. I have both (colace and dulcolax) in the house, so I can give it a try and see if it works!! THANK YOU 

[silverhead]

I have said on other threads that the thing we have found that works every time when Sharon gets a severe bout of it is a good meal with Sauerkraut (either just the Kraut, or cooked with some ribs or franks, whatever you want to add), the kind you find in the refrigerated section of the store, in plastic bags works much better than the jarred or canned style, do not rinse it before heating. keep a clear path to the bathroom after eating, it works that fast and effective and is a LOT cheaper than any drugs you will find.......
Tom

[texasstyle]

mcmkids, there are many a day when I would would like to scream but just hold it in. We bottle so much up upside for the sake of our loved ones don't we? Always putting them first (which isn't wrong), but forgetting that our needs are just as important too. Secondly, your husband is not the worst patient you've ever had. Try mine for 6 months lol. He went into kidney failure from a decade of diabetes neglect. "I ain't going to no doctor" blah, blah, blah. For years I was so angry that he put himself in this situation, but the angers has mostly dissipated. Your hubs has been through a lot in my eyes. His kidney failure is from chemotherapy. That was a battle and this is another. I agree about being denial but I can't understand his being angry too. I know you really do as well. Once someone accepts something (which isn't always easy) a lot of the stress goes for them. The dialysis can be an "accepted" part of life. And yes, you can still hate dialysis! lol. Opiates bind you up that's for sure. Here are some things you can try to help loosen his bowels: 1.Quickly roll him down a mountain. This should jiggle the bowels around just enough so he flows freely the next morning. 2. Take him sky diving for his first time. This might just scare the ---- out of him! lol.  3. Take him on the scariest ride you can find at an amusement park. The kind that ONLY the kids will go on 'cause they have no fear but they usually still end up peeing their pants. Imagine what it will do for him. All kidding aside mcm, a regular diet high in fiber's that he can eat should also be a help in the long run. I know what you mean about the blaring tv! Hang in there, one day at a time. Carolyn

[pamster42000]

I work at a nursing home and alot of residents drink prune juice to regulate their bowels. Seems to work for alot of them.

[texasstyle]

I just reread my reply to you & I hope you didn't take my sometimes bizarre sense of humor the wrong way. I was only trying to ease some of your tensions with laughter.Please forgive me if I offended you.

[mcmkids]

Don't worry texasstyle, I have a pretty bizzarre sense of humor too! Don't think I haven't thought of a good bungee jump to shake things up!! At this point, I need to laugh because if I don't laugh, I'll cry. He did finally go today after I threatened him with a mineral oil enema. I think I scared the crap out of him:) I filled his pill planner with 2 colace and 2 dulcolax a day along with instructions for a dose of miralax daily. Hopefully, that does the trick. My next trick is "power pudding". Now don't laugh because this kept even the most constipated elderly people regular in the nursing home where I worked. It is a mixture of 2 cups of bran, 2 cups of apple sauce and 1 cup of prune juice. Mix together and refrigerate. We would give every patient a medicine cup full at 5 PM every day to keep them regular. So far my husband has threatened to leave if I so much as buy the ingredients, so we'll see how that one plays out. 

[twirl]

we are here for you to 
I wish I could help you but I always have the opposite problem -
I think your husband is luck that you are a nurse
rant away
twirl

[Yvonne]

John often has this problem and I buy a big bunch of grapes and he eats them over 2 days and that works for him.
I've never checked whether it's alright from a kidney point of view

[del]

Don't worry texasstyle, I have a pretty bizzarre sense of humor too! Don't think I haven't thought of a good bungee jump to shake things up!! At this point, I need to laugh because if I don't laugh, I'll cry. He did finally go today after I threatened him with a mineral oil enema. I think I scared the crap out of him:) I filled his pill planner with 2 colace and 2 dulcolax a day along with instructions for a dose of miralax daily. Hopefully, that does the trick. My next trick is "power pudding". Now don't laugh because this kept even the most constipated elderly people regular in the nursing home where I worked. It is a mixture of 2 cups of bran, 2 cups of apple sauce and 1 cup of prune juice. Mix together and refrigerate. We would give every patient a medicine cup full at 5 PM every day to keep them regular. So far my husband has threatened to leave if I so much as buy the ingredients, so we'll see how that one plays out. 

One spoonful of tht pwder pudding and I might as well move into the bathroom for a week!!!!     When my husband was on PD he was told to take colace everyday so he would not have to strain when he had to go!!!  He never had any problems with constipation.When he started hemo he stopped the colace.

[Hanify]

Kiwifruit (or Kiwi as you call it) is very very good, but unfortunately high in potassium.  Over here you can get Kiwi Crush which is liquidated kiw, in little packetsi.  I can understand his not wanting to take the laxatives.  I fought it too, cos it felt like just one more pill.  But I've given in and now take them twice a day whether I need to or not.  What worries me is him turning off the machine.  He's not going to be getting enough dialysis.  Also, why do you do his pills?  I think that's a job any dialysis patient should be able to do themselves.  There are so many things I can't do now - like putting out the rubbish, and emptying my drain bag, that I think it's important I do do the things I can do. 

[Jie]

I am taking Polyethylene Glycol once per day and it works fine. Just a cup of water with a slightly different taste. It seems the HB is demanding too much that the wife has to be sleepless with him every night. Where is his love? Loving should also include consideration of the well being of the partner.

[texasstyle]

 Power pudding? Sounds like you're gonna to keep a gas mask on for this one lol.One of the real heavy duty ones from the 1940's WWII era. I hope he finds some relief soon and a kind of relief that can keep him regular. Here we are talking about bowel movements and I hardly know you. HEE HEE. What we won't do to make sure our loved ones are being well taken care of.