I have the blues...is it bad?

[jedimaster]

Hola!
Well...somedays I'm OK but others I feel sooooo sorry for myself. Today I have the blues....the kidney blues. My only and loyal companion, Vlad (my machine) is here mumbling and mumbling.....plump, plump, creeck, cling.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to keep going for years to come. As I said....I have the  blues.....

[goofynina]

Honey, you are singin' my song.  So many times i feel the same way and i am proud to say this site has helped me alot!!  Excellent support group here, you just talk (type) and we will listen (read) and respond.  Do you have pets?  A hobby?  Something that can keep your mind busy for a while?  We are here for you Jedimaster, you are not alone, k,   Have you read the jokes thread?  There's some real good ones in there that i know will make you laugh.  Let me know what you think, k,   Hope your doing allright and we hear from you again soon.  Hang in there buddy       

[kitkatz]

The blues, them dark old, down home, raggedy blues. Got them, would like to trade them for a 2007 Mercedes.  Just keep on walking and talking. Things DO get better, even though they seem worse!
I speak from experience.  I get the blues quite a bit.  I know things will get brighter and I often do something JUST for me.  Sometimes it is putting on Garth Brooks and belting out the songs as loud as I can. Sometimes I write poetry.  Sometimes I come here and read the posts.  Other times I play with the dog or cat.  They make me laugh.  Or I just realize I am having the blues and let them flow through me and give in for a short time.  Sometimes they just have to be acknowledged in order for them to go away.

Hope you feel better soon.

What do you have when you put abunch of ducks in a box??
A box of quackers! 

Hahahahahahaha!

[Bajanne]

This is one of the functions of this site - allowing you to let it out and to sing the blues when necessary.  This is all about the challenges of life, and we renal patients have extra challenges I think.
But last night I was watching CNN Presents, and they were showing what really goes on in North Korea, and I really have to be thankful about my life.  Then I had been watching Cooper and Gupta in the Congo and Sudan, and I began to feel that I have a wonderful life!

[jedimaster]

I'm better today, thanks. Goofynina: I do have two cats who are with me (on me?) everyday when doing dialysis. I have a teenager son who is very funny and supportive. I have a laptop and a tv but you know, when you have the blues...you just see everything the way it is. I have been ONLY 3 months in dialysis...and the waiting list is 8 years long....I still can't imagine. May be when I get to sleep with Vlad then I'll feel better.
Thanks for the support!!!

[Epoman]

I get the "blues" so bad, some times they are "black" 

[Rerun]

I feel sorry for myself a lot.  No one else does, so I better do it for all of them.    

I try and plan something after dialysis.  That way I get through it faster so I can get to what I want to do.   

[Fox_nc]

Yeppers!  I've even thought about asking about an anti-depressant, but I don't really want to take another pill everyday :-)

[Panda_9]

I feel pretty awful at the moment too. I have only been on Dx for 3 years (shit that went quick) and I am so so sick of it already. Im just absolutely fed up with it all. I have been seeing the psychologist regularly, started on temazepam at night for anxiety whilst on the machine, and I am trying to get out and do things as much as possible. If I sit at home all day I just stew on it and get depressed. I started at the gym yesterday, and now I am really looking forward to going back. I can tell its going to be one of those days so Im off to the shops. Ive got no money, but its something to do, got enough to by a sandwhich or layby some clothes so that will do.
Get out and about!!!

[jedimaster]

Well the Doctor says that once I'm on a nocturnal schedule (which I haven't been able to do so far) things will look brighter. I'm in Canada, so by now, at 6 pm is dark...which doesn't help. By the time I finish dialysis is dark already...cold and miserable.
By the way....I LOVE Indian Summer....do you like it?

[Bette]

I've had the blues off  and on for the past few weeks.  Some days I am thankful for friends and family.  Other days I get into the Why ME's.   I think the thing that saves me is knowing each additional day is a blessing.  40 years ago I would not have been able to get dialysis.  I would have just died. 

But it's normal to have these feelings.  This site helps me a lot.

[Fox_nc]

Ok- they are hitting me hard this week.  Not sure why I should even get out of bed. For what?  I've got nothing to do but what I make up to do.  Maybe it just withdrawals of not working or maybe it's the withdrawal of steroids.  I'm not sure, but I hope it ends soon.  I need to have a reason to be besides dialysis.  Hubby says we'll find me a hobby, but I can't see a hobby as a reason to get out of bed either.  I got up early today just to be up.  I feel like a lump sleeping all the time.  I could clean today, but is that really a reason to be around? Hubby says it would be the same if I was a stay at home mom, but I don't think I would feel like this on the insdie if was my choice to stay home.  This sucks! I've only been out of work 6 weeks and I feel I have no reason to exist.  Is that all I was before?  My job?  I didn't even have an important job.  Sheesh!  I want to ask for a "happy pill" but I'm afraid it'll hurt my future transplant chances, since I'm not stable ....


just a rant, thanks for being able to type it out!

[Ohio Buckeye]

It would be great if you could do a little volunteering somewhere.
A person in a nursing home would appreciate someone just talking to them, putting lotion on their hands, helping them eat, combing their hair, visit with them.  Makes them feel like
someone cares and lifts your spirits.  Brightens their day and yours.  Just a thought.
My brother-in-law plays piano beautifully and goes to 3 different ones each month to play
and talk and visit with them. 
Or if you have a love of books, volunteer a little at library or something like that if you don't
want to be around sick or elderly.  Anything to be out and about with people a little bit more.
I had the blues really bad after my husband passed away and this kind of thing helped me.
Takes mind off of myself and problems.

[goofynina]

Ok- they are hitting me hard this week.  Not sure why I should even get out of bed. For what?  I've got nothing to do but what I make up to do.  Maybe it just withdrawals of not working or maybe it's the withdrawal of steroids.  I'm not sure, but I hope it ends soon.  I need to have a reason to be besides dialysis.  Hubby says we'll find me a hobby, but I can't see a hobby as a reason to get out of bed either.  I got up early today just to be up.  I feel like a lump sleeping all the time.  I could clean today, but is that really a reason to be around? Hubby says it would be the same if I was a stay at home mom, but I don't think I would feel like this on the insdie if was my choice to stay home.  This sucks! I've only been out of work 6 weeks and I feel I have no reason to exist.  Is that all I was before?  My job?  I didn't even have an important job.  Sheesh!  I want to ask for a "happy pill" but I'm afraid it'll hurt my future transplant chances, since I'm not stable ....


just a rant, thanks for being able to type it out!

Foxy, you are not alone girlfriend, and it is very normal to feel these feelings.  It always helps me to come to this site and just read the joke thread, even if i have read them before, i copy and paste them and send them on to my friends and family cuz i know they would bring smiles and laughter to them too.   I think O.B. has some good advice in her post and i think i am even going to look into volunteering at the Convalescent Hospital myself,  i know there are people there that will be happy to see me and i know if i can make a difference in just one persons life that will be rewarding to me.  You keep us posted ok, dont make me go find you and shake you out of this    WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!! 

[Fox_nc]

Well apparently I looked as bad as I felt when I went to dialysis today and quick like a bunny they had someone over to talk to me and set me up with a script for Zoloft.  Friends from church bring us dinner on my treatment days and I talked to the one who came by tonight.  She"s a stay at home mom and feels my pain some.  I'm going to get with her this week and get out of the house.  We'll see if it helps - I'll let you know.

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm glad you're going to get out some with a friend.
That will probably do you a world of good.
I hope the meds work as well.
It sounds as if you get a lot of support from your church people.
That is a wonderful blessing. 
Hope you feel better soon.
 

[jedimaster]

What can I say....I get the blues quite often. I'll survive, my family needs me and loves me. I want to get to see my grandchildren. I have you all guys to vent.... . Don't give up. We can do it....

[scyankee]

Monday 10/23/06 was my 12th month of dialysis hell.  I know that some people have it SO much worse than I
but when it is YOU doing dialysis, it doesn't matter.  I have put my poor husband through hell this past year for which
I feel badly.  A friend thought that a dog would be a good thing for me. Unfortunately it has caused more stress in
our marriage because now we are tied down (not like we would be going anywhere anyway!). I just don't give a
sh_t.  I'm tired of the screwups at the center, tired of all the laughing and screaming from the staff, tired at looking
at all the elderly(no offense).  I tired of always being in pain during dialysis. I'm tired of the smell of the center. The only
thing Zoloft did was to stop me crying 4 hours while at treatment. It never helped me feel less of a failure. Have to take
enough meds so forget Z.  That is their answer for everything...take a pill and shut up. I wish I could turn off the thoughts
of dialysis but it is with me 24/7.

[Rerun]

scyankee, don't worry, you are not alone.  I hate going to the center and seeing what I see.  The people who I use to work with are going about a normal day and I see sick people with limbs chopped off.  Maybe I'm just in a bad center, but I hate it.  I need to win the lottery and build a house with a dialysis wing where I go to do dialysis and then close the door.  Oh, yes I would also need a private Nurse.

Nice to dream.......

[okarol]

Jenna often stays up all night so she can sleep through dialysis.
She said that's how she copes. She tries to pretend it's not happening.

~Karol

[Fox_nc]

Sleep .. that was my escape at first, but it's not so easy to sleep there these days.  Haven't tried staying up all night yet.  I might as well . . . most nights I'm not asleep until 5 am anyways.  I've gotten out of the house more this week, and it's helping.  But, what's helping most is this site.  It's good to know there are people more like me out there going through the same thing I am.  Most of the other patients are at a different stage in life and most of them are in much worse health than I am.  Looks like alot of us face that :-)  Doc called Tuesday night and we talked about speeding up my transfer to PD, so he's going to come see me this Tuesday and make sure I'm ready to roll.  I'm sure once I get out of the clinic I will be way better.  It's not the hemo that gets me or the time I spend doing it, it's that damn clinic that's killing me!  Hopefully only a couple more weeks.  <keeping my fingers crossed>

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm so glad you got out a bit more.
I do PD and so glad that I am able to. On night cycler now.
At clinic once monthly for a blood test and a follow up appt. to get results, etc.
I imagine you'll be much happier once you get switched over.

[goofynina]

Foxy,  i am glad you realized you are not alone and there are others going through the same thing as you, some even worse but the bottom line is,  WE ARE FAMILY and WE ARE HERE FOR YOU    (isnt that just awesome)   

[Rerun]

Fox you can catch me most nights here at 2:00 AM PST.......I would give anything for an 8 hour night's sleep!  Ahhhhhhhh  OK 6... I'd take 6 hours.

[kevno]

The Blues, I suppose all renal patients get the BLUES. No escape from that Bloody machine. Plus those Needles which the Nurses are trying to use on me again, without much success. I am starting to get fed up of all the things that happen with renal failure. It's just me having a bit of a rant, having a bad time just now. My leg as gone very painful, lines not working to good, fistula crap nothing can be done about that. Very tired but not sleeping. Lab results bad. First time I have posted in some time. On the Bright side, always some thing good happens. I am now a uncle to little Leah born on 1st October. 5lb 4oz. She was 1 month early, but she if fine. A bit a cheer in my life.