Results of the CT scan.

[Yvonne]

We have an appointment on Monday at 16.00 hours to find out the results of John's URGENT CT scan.
We are not even discussing the issue with each other as both of us are so scared of what the results might come up with.
Has the cancer returned is the most worrying.
Will they carry out another operation for the 2 hernias before they strangulate again.
Has he got to start dialysis.
Will they keep him in!  In some ways I hope they do keep him in and try to sort his body out, let them try and make a bag stick to the stoma site, let them deal with the wet beds, let them hear how bad John's cough is, let them sort out the medication for him.
Please give me a break and make John well again.

[Jean]

Know just how you feel and you need a little break also. Remember, the nurses will take care of him and you do not have to be there all the time. I will pray for John and hope things work out for him, and for you also.

[willowtreewren]

I am thinking of you, too. And I understand not talking about it. Sometimes we just need to keep our worries locked away so they don't overcome us. Been there.

 

[kitkatz]

What a giant amount of stuff you are dealing with! Good luck with him! I hope the docs sort things out for you all.

[rose1999]

Fingers crossed for you both.  It gets very wearing doesn't it.

[breezysummerday]

Dear God:
Please bless Yvonne with the courage and strength to carry on.
Please relieve her and John's fears for the future.
Please shelter Yvonne before her faith perishes completely.

My prayers for you Yvonne. 
 
 

[The Wife]

breathing with you...

[Hanify]

Thinking of you today.  Yes, I hope they keep him in and get him sorted too.

[paris]

We all love you, Yvonne       I am saying lots of prayers today.   

[rose1999]

Any news Yvonne?  Hope all is good 

[monrein]

Thinking of you Yvonne.   

[okarol]

  Hi - just checking in Yvonne. 

[TiffanyJean]

OH Gosh! This made me feel for ya, I think most all of us can say that we've been there!

Sending good thoughts, and prayers your way!!!   

Blessings to you both!!

TJ

[Yvonne]

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers everyone.
After arriving at the hopital for the appointment at 4am, we were told they were running an hour late, so it was 5.15 when John's surgeon took us into his office. He sat and pondered through John's notes after minutes of silence I started to ask questions. Has the cancer come back, he said we can see no signs of it around the lower part of your body, that was a relief. He said he would like a second oppinion  going back to the other surgeon that carried out John's operation he had back in January. He said he feels as though they ought to operate again while John is well as they do not want it to become another emergency. He said they will probably resite the stoma, it's another big operation and John is not keen to have it done. His kidney is still holding out creatinine is now 401.
So here we are again waiting for another appointment, John is so feed up. Yvonne

[rose1999]

Hi Yvonne,

Well that leaves you not knowing a lot more really doesn't it.  It does at least sound as if the cancer isn't back which is wonderful news, but John still has to have a major op which has to be a worry for both of you.  You must both be so fed up, I know exactly how you must feel and I can only guess how depressing this is for John.  Holding you both in my thoughts. 

[Yvonne]

It is now 3 weeks and we have still not had this URGENT appointment. I have wrote a letter to John's surgeon and posted it on 1st August.  Trying to explain to them the way I feel that this is my illness as well as John's. I am the one that has to deal with everthing to do with his medical side. I have not told John about the letter as he wants to put off the operation for as long as he can. The hernia is so big and can't get a bag to stay on longer than 6 hours, have tried so many different sorts, my cupboards are full of Urostomy bags from different manufacturers. I have this terrible fear that one day when he coughs his tummy will explode and the contents all over everywhere. This thought and dream will not leave me, he sleeps and snores without a care in the world, I feel I'm heading for a nervous breakdown and sometimes wish I could, just to get away from the situation. It is just not fair how these Dr's keep you waiting we are living on a knifes edge. I don't suppose for one minute they will take any notice of my letter but I felt a bit better for writting it.

[rose1999]

Oh Yvonne what a dreadful long wait you are having, I hope you hear something  soon.  Have you tried phoning the consultant's secretary, some are very nice and helpful (others...........hmm well!).  Its no better when you get an urgent referral as we've found, as you know Dad was admitted as an urgent case last Thursday and to go on the emergency list for Friday, now it will be at least Weds and probably later before they do anything and all the time he is in dreadful pain.  I know it doesn't help you but thank goodness John is able to sleep through it all really, at least you aren't seeing him suffer too.  I understand how you would like to get away, I often say I wish I was a million miles away, but we'd still worry and care if we were.  I hope you hear something in the post today or a at least this week. Keep sailing that ship

[Jean]

 

[okarol]

Yvonne,
I am sorry you're having those dreams - sounds awful. Is there anyone - a social worker or hospital admistrator that can help you get the appointment settled?
 

[Hanify]

Are you able to be honest with John Yvonne, or are you trying to avoid putting more on his plate?  I feel you should try to tell him how you're feeling - maybe there are some things he might be able to take on himself?  It seems awfully hard, but he may have no idea you're feeling so down about it?  I would think about making a list of the things that are bugging you, and try to have that discussion.  You shouldn't have to feel like you take the heavy load all the time.  Hard as it is for him he needs to take this on board or your relationship won't survive - and has he thought about how hard this would all be without you?

[Yvonne]

Oh yes John is always telling me he could not live without me, I have told him I think his tummy will explode one day if he refuses to have the operation. I told him I will just run away and leave him to it and he knows I'm only joking. It's not his fault he is so ill I just wish the doctors realize how it effects both our lives. I suppose what makes it hard for me is because I have to do every thing now in the garden and in the house. He helps out with the light jobs. He was such a fit man before all this even refereeing the kids football match every week at an age of 70! never been ill in his life and thought every one else was the same if I was ill he would just say your fine.

[monrein]

Yvonne, you really need some regular breaks from all you do and deal with.  At least once a week, off to do something for YOU, alone or with a friend or two.  Even just a nice tea and a book somewhere for a couple of hours but not at home. 
I could never get my husband to believe that he needed time away, well he believed he needed it I think but thought he couldn't go because I'd need him more. I ended up making arrangements for a friend to be back up in case I wasn't able to take the subway to the unit, another to assist with grocery shopping and I'd remove all objections from his plate.  I'd send him to his beloved cottage for a few days. It was of course in my best interest to avoid his burning out but I was also seriously concerned about him.  If a care giver's batteries aren't recharged rather regularly(even going to work can spell r-e-s-p-i-t-e), burnout is rather inevitable.  When I was working as a social worker with very tough, long-term cases, avoiding burnout was part of my training and ongoing supervision. 

I do hope you will consider this and somehow make it happen.  Not saying it's easy, that it's not.  Just saying it's essential.  Any possibility of you unloading to the social worker in the hope of having him/her communicate to the team just how high a toll this is taking on you? 
 

[Yvonne]

I've come to the conclusion that John is a jealous man. It's taken me a long time to realise that. When ever we have visitors from my side he shows a very hostile side of him and makes it very uncomfortable for me. I volunteered to look after the grand children for a couple of weeks in the summer holidays (from my first marriage) he picks on them all the time and I argue with him as I seem to be sticking up for the children all the time.  This year before they came I said to John if he didn't behave better to wards them next time I would go to their house and leave him for a week.  This he promised to do but we were only 2 days into their stay when he started on them again.  I could understand if they were naughty kids. We had them for 2 weeks and in that time I threatend to take them back home and stay there with them. After they were gone John is so nice to me trying to make up for what he did, upsetting me and the kids. He is the same with a lady from down the road that I have got friendly with, Jenny she has taken me out in her car a couple of times and when I get back although Iv'e only gone for 2 hours he says why have you been so long and complains every time Jenny knocks at the door. If I go into town on the bus for shopping he always wants to know why Iv'e been so long, (2 hours) at the most.
The reason why my first marage broke down was because he was such a jealous man, I can't believe it's happening again, makes me feel like I can't breath. I do not know what to do about it, I dread anyone coming to visit, the only time he is nice is when his family come on over he is like a changed man. How do you cope with someone like him. When I look back over our 15 years together he has always been like this so I will not blame it onto his illness, but it has got worse.

[Hanify]

Honestly I want to smack him!  He doesn't know how lucky he is to have someone who is looking out for him!  I don't really have any advice - I can't imagine living with that attitude.  I can only say I would sit him down and tell it like it is.  He has to change - you cannot be expected to put up with this.  I think you should say you WILL have X hours a week off.  Decide on a time - and do it.  Say Wednesday afternoons are yours and go out for longer than 2 hours.  Organise something with your friend where you leave the house.  Then build up from there.  Or maybe you should seriously think about leaving?  Does that thought make you sad, or just guilty?

[okarol]

I agree, you need to follow through rather than threaten. Go stay with the grandkids, he will have to get by without you. It can't be healthy for you to live under this stress. Make time for yourself, do things you enjoy and spend time with friends.