Life after being caregiver

[glitter]

I will be thinking of you both tomorrow. Your daughter was so very lovely, and anytime you want to tell us more about her- I would love to hear her stories...and yours, being a caregiver is so hard when they leave us. 

I can't stop coming here myself, even though my husband is gone now...it just makes it feel like he is close.

[Hanify]

Thinking of you Pam on the 1st.  As always.

[petey]

I'm sending peaceful, loving vibes your way tomorrow, Pam!  I hope your day is filled with all the good memories you shared with your beautiful daughter.

[pamster42000]

Well I made it through another milestone. Last year I was by myself and got really sad. This year  my grandson, Logan stayed overnight and that made a world of difference. Just goes to show that family support goes a long way in any situation. This afternoon my daughter, Savannah and I are going to Sarah's gravesite to mark this occasion. For some reason I have this feeling of inner peace. Not saying that I don't miss her..it's just knowing she is no longer in pain.

[Des]

warm and fuzzy hugs....

The pain will NEVER go away.... but you will somehow learn to live with it.

I am thinking of you.

   

[willowtreewren]

Pam,

 

Thinking of you and Sarah.

 

[pamster42000]

I would like to  keep this post going probley because of my own personal reasons.....but I figure in this group that is a good enough reason.

You have been a wonderful support to me and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.I just hope I have helped someone along the way through their own personal journey. It's just nice to have a place to go when times are trying or even when you have good news. Just wish I would have known of this group when Sarah was alive. I know she would of joined and gotten support from you.

[paris]

I love your posts about Sarah.  Please keep posting. You are helping many people here.  And posting for your own personal reasons is good enough.         It is good to have that sweet grandson to help heal your heart.  Looking forward to talking more in chat!   Take care Pam.   

[okarol]

Hi Pam,
I follow your posts closely. Jenna is healthy now, her kidney is working great, but I know nothing is forever. I appreciate you sharing your journey through your life dealing with your role as a caregiver, and through the loss of Sarah. Lots of hugs for you always. 

[pamster42000]

Hi Pam,
I follow your posts closely. Jenna is healthy now, her kidney is working great, but I know nothing is forever. I appreciate you sharing your journey through your life dealing with your role as a caregiver, and through the loss of Sarah. Lots of hugs for you always. 

I am glad everything is going well for Jenna!  I hope it continues to be that way.What a wonderful feeling....Each person's experince with kidney disease is different. You are informed of issues and I am certain your daughter is in good hands. Just continue what you are doing. Just showing support means alot!

[tyefly]

Pam    I didnt know your story...but went back to read your post from the beginning......   I am sorry for your loss...... I cant imagine....  I have a daughter who name is Sara  and I think she is the sweet thing in the whole world......  the words leave me thinking about what you and your daughter Sarah  have gone thru.......     You have lots of good advice in your post.......thx for sharing........kathy

[pamster42000]

Went to Omaha this week-end with the kids (my daughter, Savannah, her husband Eric and Logan). Stayed overnight and had a wonderful time.

It brought up alot of memories of Sarah because that is were her transplant center was and we spent alot time in the hospital there. Savannah and I mentioned Sarah quit a bit.

Now I figure I have new memories to add to the Omaha experience. 

[pamster42000]

With the passing of Michelle just brings up memories of the sadness and empiness I felt when Sarah passed away. How I feel for her family. She had so much compassion! You could sense this in her posts. I am hoping Michelle and Sarah meet up in heaven and I know they would be instant friends.

In loving memory of Sarah and Michelle.

[willowtreewren]

Thank you, Pam.

Michelle was very special to me, and this has been a sad time for me. I have had to carry on "as usual" but I find myself contemplating at odd moments her premature death.

My personal commitment to honor Michelle is to be strong in fighting against my own bouts of depression, never so severe as hers. It is my way to ensure that her fight will not have been in vain.

I continue to admire you and your willingness to share about Sarah. Thanks.

[pamster42000]

Sarah's friends are remarkable....Denny has named his daughter Sarah Rose  and Ryan named his daughter, Kennedy Rose, in memory of Sarah.

Ryan wanted to be her living donor in 2005. He was a very close match, except for Sarah's high antibodies.

These guys hold a very special place in my heart.

[paris]

Such a wonderful way to honor Sarah.  She lives on in these two precious babies.  It shows what an impact Sarah had on peoples lives and how loved she was.  Thank you for sharing the pictures of the babies.   

[javaseuf]

Having cared for my daughter for 21 years and now having her start dialysis with no hope for a transplant, life has become overwhelming. My favorite phrase now is "I am at the end of my rope so get me a longer one so I can hang myself".
Of course, I will never check-out before Jennifer but have thought when that time comes, joining her.
Even with all of the trials, hospitalizations, operations, life-style changes, long nights, and emergency room visits,
I wouldn't have traded any time with Jen, no matter how tough on me.
Jennifer has taught me to be a better person, has changed my views on the death penalty, and has brought me invaluable wealth as a human being. I have learned that my very worse day is 100% better than Jennifer's best day. Although Jennifer has never spoken a word for 20 years, she is an amazing teacher!

Yes, when Jen is gone, life will go on but most of life as I have known it will have ended and that is the hardest part for me to grasp. And even with all of the pain these past 21 years, I will miss that to because that pain was out of love.
I never thought that my heart could be broken any more than it has but the day will come when it will break one more time for dear Jennifer.

Life after care-giving? Can't imagine.

[pamster42000]

I remember numerous times when Sarah was hospitalized and seeing other young children who had conditions worse than her's. It makes you humble and makes you appreciate life. If these children can battle life threatening issues and still smile when they see you...what room do I have to complain about my little ole problems. People at work often comment on how I never complain about anything. It's just what they have issues with to me are minor irrations in life, something to shrug off and say whats the big deal.

One of the reasons I wanted Sarah to go to summer camp for children with kidney problems\transplants and The Transplant Games was to show her she wasn't the only one with health problems and  to broaden her view, we lived in a small town and if you ever lived in a small town you know what I'm talking about. She did have a wonderful group of friends that supported her, but I felt she needed friends that had the same health issues as her also. She never really said anything but she did make friends at camp\games and kept in contact with them.

[Mimi]

I was caregiver to my Mother after she had a stroke that left her in a wheelchair and unable to care for herself.  For 15 months I did everything for
her, feed her, bathe her, put her to bed, get her up, get her on and off the potty chair.  Tho timewise that doesn't even begin to compare with you who have cared for your loved ones with ESRD, I do know how you feel.  I was
an only child and was very close to my parents (we lost my Father at age 55 of a massive heart attack.)  When my Mother died my children and I stood by her bed touching her and telling her we loved her.  Afterwards I felt so lonely and I kept thinking now I am an orphan.  I had a really rough time for
a long time after she passed on.  I grieved for her for it was like a baby had been removed from arms.  Even now, 18 years later, I wish sometimes I could just talk to her.  It was a long time, but I finally began to live again and
to remember the golden times we had together.  So will you as caregivers to your loved ones.  Time finally heals the terrible pain, but it doesn't remove the memories.  They live on within your heart and you will finally find something to do that will leave you feeling rewarded and willing to go on with your life.  It isn't easy, life is hard, and it is not fair at all, but the time will come when you will settle down with the memories and look forward to meeting your beloved's in Heaven.

I pray the Lord gives you all strength and courage for the long journey. 

[Malibu]

pamster, I am just so moved by your story.  Every time I read about it I cry.  I am a caregiver too, that is why I am comfortable telling you this, I know you understand.  I just cannot imagine losing my loved one but I am sure it is going to happen. 

I have not been an independent person in the past but I've had to become one very quickly.  I forgot since MM was sick last time that I all of a sudden had to do everything in the house myself.  The first time we could not afford to have someone mow our lawn so I did it.  Thank goodness we can afford it now (but probably not for long because neither of us have a job!)  Anyway the point is that I've had to become independent all of a sudden and it is strange. 

Well, thank you for continuing to share your story.

[dwcrawford]

Pamster, you are amazing.  I'm so glad I've come to know you a little anyway in the chatrooms.  You always make then special with your positive outlook on the world.  Thank you.

[tubes]

Hi Pam, Thank you for sharing your stories of Sarah. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Reading through your posts, got me thinking of my mother. I cant imagine what my family has gone through for me. When I was 21 my grandparents were thrown into the caregiver role. I moved to Ks and moved in with them. They were incredible and were my support system for 8 yrs. Then I moved back to Omaha and lived with my mom for a yr. and now Im on my own again. (about 6 months) Just a 10 minute drive from my mom.
Being in the hospital, my mom was right there. Whether I was in Ks or Ne my mom was right there by myside. I'm very lucky to have her as Sarah was with you. Sometimes I wish my mom would come on here. I know she would benefit. I know she'd have stories to tell that have slipped my mind. 

Take care Pam,
Robert

[pamster42000]

The holidays are a time when you miss a family member who has passed away the most. I always burn a candle in the center of the table just to have a sense of Sarah being present.

At our Thanksgiving family gathering my sister-in-law mentioned Sarah and that meant alot to me.

Just treasure the memories and enjoy the holidays. I know Sarah would want us to continue along lifes path and to know she is at peace.

[willowtreewren]

 

[boswife]

well well, well.  I hadnt come to this section of the board yet as i was always busy reading of how to 'fix' something for my husband.  This is so moving, and inspiring, and i dont know what to say except thanks to you all for sharing your stories.  I am right there with you in heart.  I felt like I was the only one who could love my 'loved one' so very much, and feel as i do about my worries.  Im not alone. You are all here with me... It's good, sad, and reasuring..  Im glad your here and glad you shared.  Thank each of you.. 
Wife to my dear hubby who i will continue to "obsess" over as long as God gives me.