Bob's Blog Saturday 5-30-09

Bob Here

Being on dialysis is not exactly a boon for your social life.

This past weekend (Memorial Day), my wife and I decided to have a “date weekend.”

Why, you might ask.

Well, because, when we sat down and thought about it, we hadn’t actually been on a date since the Eisenhower Administration.

It had been a while.

And, it’s not like we’re not into spending time with each other, we truly are.

But I work full time, and, hmmm, let’s see, what else takes up a lot of the time in my life.

Oh yeah, I’m on dialysis. That’s it.

Everybody here knows what it’s like when you get home from a treatment in the evening.

Your idea of a successful personal interaction is standing up and heading for bed without passing out.

Not exactly the height of romance.

Now, a few words on the subject of romance. I’ve found that it comes naturally to some, and is very difficult for others.

Like most people, I have definitive strengths and weaknesses.

For example, I’m very good with numbers. When I see a page full of numbers, those numbers sing to me, I immediately get the inter-relationships, and can quickly spot errors. Comes in handy, being in Corporate Finance, right?

When it comes to romance, however, I’m a complete pinhead.

I can be in a setting with romantic potential, say a restaurant, and all I’m concerned with is getting a seat where you can see the TV, checking out the menu, and asking about the specials of the day.

My wife will be looking at me doubtfully, as if to say, “hey…knucklehead…remember me?”

And even then I don’t get it. I misinterpret her look, and say something really classy, like, “what’s wrong honey, your appetizer go bad?”

I think she lost hope a long time ago about me potentially seeing the light and getting it turned around romantically.

But then toss in the time constraints of being on dialysis, and you really don’t get a pretty picture.

I think the key to breaking out of these ruts we get in is to force yourself to think outside of your normal comfort level.

For instance, we’re both basically home bodies, but we went out to dinner as part of our “date weekend.”

She doesn’t really like movies, but she agreed to watch a movie with me on Friday.

(Actually, there was a pretty significant trade-off on my part. More on that later.)

Then we went to a baseball game on Saturday.

And played a “round-robin” format mixed-doubles tennis with three other couples on Sunday.

How’s that for togetherness?

The two keys to arranging this weekend of fun were, again, thinking out of the box, and being able to negotiate on what we wanted to do.

The negotiation part resulted in the trade-off that I mentioned earlier.

You see, we don’t like the same kind of movies, and she really doesn’t like baseball, which I love.

So, I let her choose the movie and we agreed to go to the game the next day.

Now, it may sound like everything worked out just hunky-dory, but as you might imagine, there’s always a downside to these situations.

The downside for me was I had to sit through “Mama Mia.”

That was the movie she chose in exchange for going to the ballgame.

Normally, I would rather have a root canal through my ear than have to sit through "Mama Mia."

So, I had a strong feeling that this was not a movie I would enjoy, but as soon as that kid started singing in the opening scene, I was like, oh boy, what have I done now??

About midway through the movie, I was hoping I could fall asleep.

About three quarters of the way through, I was praying for sweet, blissful death.

From now on, I think whenever I hear a song by Abba, I’m going to curl up into the fetal position.

But anyway, I got through it.

But I found it interesting that on the other nights, my wife had to go through her series of warnings on my behavior before she would be seen with me in public.

Going out to dinner, she cautioned me against pulling one of my airhead pranks on the waiter.

Like when I first learned about my dietary restrictions as a dialysis patient. It flipped me out a little bit.

We went to a restaurant shortly thereafter, and I realized how hard it was going to be to order something within the constraints of our diet.

So, I got a little pissed reading through the menu, and when the waiter came, I acted all proper, and said,

“Yes, please, I’d like an appetizer of nachos, with no chips, cheese, or salsa.”

“A side salad with no tomatoes, cheese, or dressing. Oh, and light on the lettuce.” I leaned over and said knowingly to my wife on the side, “lot of water content, you know.” <wink wink>

“And for the entrée, a pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, cheese, or pepperoni.”

The waiter was flummoxed, but went right on taking the order.

“Y-y-y-yes sir, anything else?”

I said, “oh yeah, for my drink I’d like water…with no fluid.”

My wife was trying to find a graceful way to crawl under the table.

So, there was to be no antics this past weekend.

For the baseball game, “no swearing, temper tantrums, stamping your feet, or threatening the life of the umpires or the opposing manager.”

For tennis, “no throwing your racket, cussing, or trying to tear down the net…AND STOP YELLING AT THE BALLS!!!”

So, given my set of instructions, we made a go of it and had a pretty good date weekend.

How do you all manage to have a social life while dealing with dialysis?

Love to hear any new ideas.

Thanks for reading.

I hope everyone has a good week of treatments.

Remember to stay active, and take care.