When to tell my Manager

[Deanne]

I'm debating about telling my manager about my CKD. I'm not worried about losing my job over it. They're very good about making concessions for medical issues here. I can work from home or work alternate hours if I need to.

In a way, I feel like I need to say something because I do get tired, sometimes have trouble staying focused, and I don't want him to think I'm just turning into a slacker. At the same time, I don't want to say anything because I don't want special treatment. I was thinking I'd say something when my neph refers me for a transplant evaulation when I hit 20% function (at about 25% now). I just don't know. What's been said, can't be un-said.

When / how did you tell your manager?

[Rerun]

I would tell him what you are facing.  This is a huge deal and will affect you from time to time.  But, to walk in and tell him you are on the transplant list is a bit of a shock.

IMO I would tell him now.

[Wenchie58]

I told mine when it started to effect me....GFR around 18.  When I started to notice that i was getting more tired and using more sick days.  I had worked with her for 20 years, so she was wondering what all the doctors appointments were about.
I asked not to be given any special treatment and I wasn't, but I did want her to understand my situation as well as she could and relieve myself of internal guilt I was feeling about not being as productive.  I also swore her to secrecy as I wasn't ready for everyone to be fawning over me.

[MandaMe1986]

I would tell him just so you guys stay on the same level. I know I hate people knowing I am sick. But when it comes to your boss and stuff I think they should know.

[Hanify]

Yes, I think you should tell your boss.  Be open and honest.  Ask them not to pass it on if you're not ready.

[Deanne]

I am so NOT going to like this. I haven't even told my parents how low my kidney function is. I just hate talking about it. I guess I'll try to bring it up in my weekly meeting with him on Friday.

[Hanify]

I think it gets easier the more people you tell.  People are usually really good about it all.  They genuinely want to help.  Sometimes the hardest thing is letting them!

[twirl]

if your boss thought you were a slacker - he would already have that opinon -
be honest with him -
he will appreciate it

[Rerun]

Bring Kleenix because when you actually say it out loud to someone you will most likely burst into tears.  To even say the word dialysis I would burst into tears. 

It was like I was telling them I had terminal cancer and in a way I knew I would not be able to work at that level in the agency so to me it was a death sentence.  Although I'm still alive!

[Deanne]

Ack! I hope not! (crying). I'm not much of a crier. It won't be in person, so maybe that'll help. My manager and most of my team are in Arizona. I'm in Oregon.

[bountyhunter_ga]

Don't be afraid to advise your employer, honesty coming from you shows magnificent control of your life.

Build it and they will come, this could not be more true when it comes to a friends attention about a co-worker in need.

Let the world know and the world worth having will stand by your side kid.I'm a cop and it was a little scary but from time zero I was honest with the crew and bosses they came to my aide with Time fundraisers and love. Brothers in arms means a lot of things give them a chance.

[rookiegirl]

I told my manager even though at the time I was only seeing my Neph once every 3 months.  When my condition got worst, I kept my manager in the loop and what to expect.  I'm very fortunate to have a manager who understand my situation.

[MandaMe1986]

Bring Kleenix because when you actually say it out loud to someone you will most likely burst into tears.  To even say the word dialysis I would burst into tears. 

It was like I was telling them I had terminal cancer and in a way I knew I would not be able to work at that level in the agency so to me it was a death sentence.  Although I'm still alive!

YES you are. Being alive is all that matters.  You know Rerun you are a big softy deep down inside. 

[cherpep]

IMHO, I wouldn't tell them until I had to.  If it's currently not affecting your work - why tell them?  While I agree honesty is the best policy - it's not being dishonest to keep it to yourself until the time comes when it is necessary to tell them.  You will  be treated differently and decisions will be made with the knowledge of your condition.  They cannot 'discriminate' against you because of your health condition, but once it is known - it will affect decisions.  That's just the reality of the situation.  So, you can't focus from time to time - that doesn't make you a slacker!  Everyone has an off day where they can't produce as much as the day before - that's normal, and doesn't always have to do with CKD.  In my opinion, it's best to be 'normal' as long as you can.  As soon as you tell them - you become 'sick'.  Obviously, several people will and do disagree with me - but that's just my opinion.  Of course, my work environment isn't as forgiving as you say yours is.  But, in my experience, all those promises are made, but are tough to keep when faced with real-life situations. 

However, if you are feeling low on a regular basis and foresee the need to work from home soon or will require other special treatment - then yes, you need to tell them as soon as possible, because it is affecting your work. 

[Beth35]

Yes, I am a teacher and have been advised by my union to NOT tell until I have to.  They can't discriminate against me outright but they can make decisions about my job and SAY it's due to other reasons thereby getting away with it.

For instance I teach first grade.  If they think my kidney is failing, they may not give me a classroom next year and make me an assistant or something when my kidneys may not even fail totally for some time.  So right now, it's a secret I keep.

[RichardMEL]

I agree with the majority of posters here to tell now.

Here's one of the main reasons why. They have warning. It's something you know will be coming up at some time in the future - ok you don't know when but you know. If they know it can be in the back of the mind and it won't come as a rude surprise when you let them know after the docs let YOU know that you'll be starting in 2 weeks or whatever. I think most people are very reasonable when it comes to stuff like that and you can find ways to work around/with it as you've suggested.

In my own case I informed my (then new) employers pretty much after I got the job. During the interview for my job, which was part time they asked why I wanted a PT job. Rather than tell the whole truth I simply explained that it suited my lifestyle - which it absolutely did. Once I was offered and accepted the job I went to the manager and director, arranged a meeting, and explained more fully. At that point I was sill two and a half years away from starting, though I actually did not know that.

They were both very supportive and understanding and just said "let us know when you have to make changes" and when the time came it was cool - it was something we all were expecting and it was no problem from that point of view. In a similar vein I have expressed to them that should I get THE CALL I'll have almost no notice, and if it works out I will be off work for at least a month - and probably a bit more. They just said "oh don't worry about US! You just get that transplant and we'll work around it"

Now I realise I am blessed with very good employers and a great environment (specially in these trying economic times) but I definitely support being up front and honest about your situation. As someone else said at least in the future if you are ill or extra tired or whatever they will understand more(hopefully) and not think you're making it up or slacking off or something. That understanding can be very valuable I think.

It will be scary to tell them, specially as you don't like to discuss it, but I think it would be a very positive step. You don't have to jump up and down and make a big deal, just sort of go in and say "I just wanted you to know about what I am facing. I don't know when but the likely impact on my work will be this but I think we can work around it by doing X Y and Z when the time comes. I just wanted to let you know so you know what's going on with me" - If you have even a remotely comfortable relationship with your boss that shouldn't be too hard.

good luck!

[Deanne]

Ok, I told him. I kept it short & sweet, told him my transplant referral might be in 6 months or 6 years, but I didn't want him to be blindsided and I don't need any special considerations right now. He thanked me for telling him and told me to let him know if / when I do need to any accomodations here at work. I'm glad that's over with! Then it was back to business and I gave him an update on what I'm working on and he gave me a heads up about a new project he has in the works for me.

I might not have said anything if this wasn't such a flexible environment, but I've seen demonstrations of how it is. One of my co-workers has a child with leukemia and she's only been in the office once since February. She works from home when she can and is on some sort of family leave program that lets her work or not work as needed she needs to take care of her child. Everyone here supports her and gives her all the space and flexibility she needs.

[RichardMEL]

Deanne, I think this is the best thing you did. I know it was very difficult for you but the relief that you have must be very good.  And now your boss knows so that's extra good. Well done!

[cherpep]

You are lucky to be working in such a caring environment.  I do not know many people who have that blessing.  Good luck to you.

[Tinah1968]

I wish i would have read this post sooner.. I still have yet to tell Management at my job that i started Dialysis..I had been getting tired at work and i would just take a nap during lunch.Then for appointments I made them late in the afternoon and just get to work early so that it would not effect my hours. I was not sure how the would react now i dont know how to tell them

[Hanify]

I would just be truthful.  Tell them you didn't know what to say, so said nothing, and now you wish you'd said earlier.  Good luck.  You'll feel better for it I'm sure.

[RichardMEL]

I agree. Tina just be honest and open. that's the best policy in most occasions I've found.

[cherpep]

Tinah - I am amazed that you haven't had to share the information with your coworkers already.  It's so hard to start dialysis - it must be difficult to do it without affecting your hours.  That's incredible.  Do you have insurance through work?  If so, there's a good chance your manager already knows.  I'm a believer in not telling work until you have to, but since you've already started, I think it's time.  Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[Tinah1968]

That everyone for the suggestions...

Cherpep, I do have insurance through work. but, they have not said anything to them about it. But I finally did. As far as my hours go I work 40 hours a week, I really feel that dialysis is different for me since I am not as tired as I was before. I used to need a nap for Lunch Everyday so that was what I would do instead of eat. I close my office door and take a nap. Not anymore I make it through the day I start to fade closer to 4 but I also get off at 4 so I think so far so good with Dialysis. I have been lucky... 

I finally got the courage to talk to my Manager (Owner) & his Wife she is the (CFO)  I told them Wednesday and they were both very surprised. They said "Wow really your doing Dialysis if you would not have told us we never would have known" then they went on to say that if I need some time off or anything to please let them know. Which was a relief to me...  I am So Blessed to be working here and still keep up the 40 hour a week grind.. I pray that I am able to do this at least 20 more years...  My coworkers said that they knew something was up because I had been looking tired and not my chipper self and they also said that if I needed anything to just let them know... thanks everyone...

[MandaMe1986]

I am happy you told them. And I am even happier that it went well.