Depression

[joyfulmother]

I suppose it is normal for dialysis patients, especially in the beginning?  I guess that is how I am feeling right now.  I am so overwhelmed by it all.  My friends are telling me how brave am and that feels like a crock to me.  How can I be brave for doing what has to be done?  I'm scared to death.  I'm also having trouble finding my hope.  I'm not sure what to do about it all.

I haven't been feeling good this week but can't pinpoint any one thing - except for a poor appetite.  I'm sure not eating much would make you feel bad.  I'm also secretly afraid that maybe I'm not getting adequate dialysis with the cycler and they'll want to put me on manuals again.  Sigh.

[Wallyz]

 Yes, Dialysis can make you depressed. It is crazy making.  It happens to almost everybody on dialysis.  Get help now.   There is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide.  Your family deserves a healthier you, and you deserve to be healthier.

[MandaMe1986]

I understand you, its not being brave or being strong. It is living.  That is all you can do. And sometimes it takes you over.  It isn't easy, it isn't fun. It effects you in every way it can.  I know depression all to well. It runs really strong in my mothers side, so I was going to face depression anyway.  But all of this has been way to much at times.  I am so sorry you are feeling like this.   just remember there is always hope.  Sometimes you lose sight of it.  But its always there.  I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Sometimes it helps just getting all your fears out and this is a perfect place to do it.  Remember we are always here for you.   

[kitkatz]

I go through spells where it all gets to me because I am stuck with this whole dialysis thing.   

[pelagia]

This is a tough time of the year for many with depression or a tendency (at least in the northern hemisphere) because there has been so little sunlight in our days.  Does it help you to get a little sun?  Even 10 or 15 minutes a day might help you feel a little better.  If not brave, think strong.  Because even if it's something you have to do, every time you make it through and come out the other side of a challenge you are a little stronger. 

[jbeany]

I think if you don't occasionally get depressed when you have a chronic illness, then you are either in denial or on really strong drugs!

There was an article on here about how they were recognizing the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder in many dialysis patients.  I can believe that - it is a shock to have to adjust to dialysis and it can be traumatic to think about what might happen.

Remember that you don't always have to be courageous and strong.  It's sometimes hard for close friends and family to deal with things, so they seem to want you to put on that "I'm being brave and coping" face.  If you haven't got at least one or two people who you can count on to listen when you tell them how you really feel, remember that you can do that here. We're good at listening.
If that's not enough, do talk to your doc or nurse.  It's okay to need help, and there are good drugs that can do that if you need them.  This stuff is very overwhelming, and if one more med can help you, then get some.

 

[Sunny]

I understand about the depression. Chronic illness is such a depressing thing to deal with so it is not surprising. On top of that, you are usually tired anyway which doesn't help. The weather is getting nicer, so maybe try regular walks in your neighborhood. Not too long so you don't wear yourself out even more. I hope there is someone you can talk to, and you always have us. Hope the severity of your depression eases up soon and that things start looking better.

[Stacy Without An E]

Depression lives in my closet behind the clothing basket and next to the recycled newspapers.  He thrives on sadness and pain.  He'll sneak up on you and try to manipulate you into not taking care of yourself.  Or staying in bed all day.  Or eating an entire box of Cheez-Itz while watching an entire season of "House" on Hulu.

I find that he stays at bay when I have enough sleep and get a little exercise.  And when I actually take the time to talk to these annoying humans that seem to be blanketing the planet like a virus.

I've also discovered after five years of traumatizing treatment, he'll turn you into the youngest curmudgeon in the history of mankind.

[Tinah1968]

 

[peleroja]

Or eating an entire box of Cheez-Itz while watching an entire season of "House" on Hulu.

You say that like it's a bad thing!  I don't recall ever needing a bout of depression to eat a whole box of Cheez-Itz.   

[paris]

Or eating an entire box of Cheez-Itz while watching an entire season of "House" on Hulu.

You say that like it's a bad thing!  I don't recall ever needing a bout of depression to eat a whole box of Cheez-Itz.  

You wrote what we all were thinking 

[kitkatz]

Or eating a bag of M and Ms watching DVDs.

[paddbear0000]

Oh good. I'm not the only one who consumes whole packages of snacked goods while watching entire tv seasons in one sitting! Damn this evil, comfortable couch and the new anti-depressants that aren't working!!

[TeenHatesDialysis]

I also feel great while eating an entire bag of M&Ms or any chocolate.  I think chocolate eases depression during consumption. However, I feel like crap when the bag is empty or the box of Cheez-its is empty....   I feel much better when I get out and take a walk, visit a seniors home or homeless shelter or do something special with my kids.   I am not on dialysis, but am the caregiver of a child on dialysis.  I know that the nurses run monthly blood test to ensure that the dialysis is adequately cleaning the toxins out of her blood and lowering her BUN. You should request a full blood panel to determine if you are low in vit B or D. My daughter was very deficient in Vitamin D causing her to become even more lethargic than normal with dialysis, causing more depression. It is understandable that you would be more depressed with a chronic condition that causes major life changes. Talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. You are going through a difficult situation and if anti-depressants make life more tolerable, I say TAKE A TRIPLE DOSE OF THE HAPPY PILLS!

Sending positive vibes and happy thoughts your way 

[paddbear0000]

OMG! My vitamin D level is almost non-existent. And I've noticed that my depression has been getting worse. I wonder if that is why?

[RichardMEL]

I suppose it is normal for dialysis patients, especially in the beginning?  I guess that is how I am feeling right now.  I am so overwhelmed by it all.  My friends are telling me how brave am and that feels like a crock to me.  How can I be brave for doing what has to be done?  I'm scared to death.  I'm also having trouble finding my hope.  I'm not sure what to do about it all.

I totally relate to the bolded sentence.  My sister said this the other day at a dinner party we were at "oh we're so proud of the attitude you have and you just get on with it and don't complain. It's so brave" - well what the hell do you expect? The options are pretty limited.

The way I see it though is that I can be depressed, sit in a corner and mope, cry "why me?" and get angry and frustrated at the crappy lot in life.... and where's that going to get me? NOWHERE!!! I prefer to be as positive about it as I can be - that doesn't mean there aren't tough times - but I like to pin my hope on the possible future transplant and hopeful more normal lifestyle I can have with that. Sure, not everbody, sadly, has that sort of option to cling to, but it's something that keeps me personally going. I make plans in my head, I think about how I'll spend that extra time I suddenly have sitting at work drinking large bottles of water !!  Oh and all the extra energy I'll have for the women of IHD! 

Seriously though it is a massive adjustment to have in life to deal with everything that dialysis entails - and that includes getting into a stable situation with the meds and the treatment where your body has adjusted, and your mind and emotions have worked out how to live with the changes that dialysis brings. As you say you're still pretty new to Dialysis and many people go through similar feelings. I won't say it will get better or whatever - everyone is different.. but I feel you will learn to cope more with things as you settle into the routine more. I hope so anyway!