Wife of potential dia. patient

[greco02]

Hi everyone.  I have been married for almost 39 years.  My husband has been on the slippery slope for about 10 years although his labs were stable for the last 5 years or so.  His nephrologist tells me he is now starting to loose about 3% function per quarter (he is at 25% now).  My biggest challenge as the year progresses is that he has decided not to take most of his medicines.  So far he is taking his procrit injection and one or two others.  I don't know if he will take the shots next month.   I am scared but I do realize this is his decision.  His blanket statement to almost everything now is 'I don't care anymore'.  So I am thinking I will be reading and lurking around this site for a while looking for support and understanding.   I have a full time job (great medical ins), 2 wonderful children with great spouses and 5 perfect grandchildren.  I also have a great group of supportive friends. 

[willieandwinnie]

  greco02. So glad you found us and whatever decision your husband makes we will be here for support and understanding. Please keep reading our wonderful site and if you have any questions, ask away. 

[paul.karen]

  Greco and welcome


Im sorry your stuck in this situation.  Usually when people say
(i dont care anymore) they are single and have no children.  At least from my experiences.  So i am sorry to read he feels this way.  Just for the fact he is hurting many more then just himself with that attitude.  Hopefully he will realize there is treatment and that there are many MANY people much more worse off then himself.

You have found the best site for information caring support and just a shoulder to turn to or cry on.

I hope for a happy outcome for all involved.
P&K

[cherpep]

Welcome!!  I understand how your husband feels, there are points that I just don't care anymore and it is tough to take that medicine, or worse, do dialysis.   There are times when it feels like sheer torture.  I am thankful for my loving family, especially my loving husband who pushes me at the times when I need it the most.  Yes, it is my decision, but it greatly impacts him, and I realize he does have a voice in these matters.  There are times when I get angry with him for pushing me, but I always love him, and later appreciate his pushiness.  I need it.  I'm still here because of him.

[okarol]

As Lori Hartwell says, "An illness is too demanding when you don't have hope." I imagine it gets to be a drag, picturing the continuing slippery slope ahead.  But as you'll see there are many folks here living with kidney disease and making the best of their lives. You'll also meet other caretakers who have been in your shoes, and the support can be great. Welcome and good luck to you and your hubby.


okarol/admin

[Wallyz]

Welcome.  Prayers, and understand that depression is common among kidney patients.

[greco02]

Wow, I never expected such fast and numerous responses.  Thanks to all.   

[Joe Paul]

Welcome Greco, good to have you aboard.

[G-Ma]

   I am sure many of us will admit to exactly the same feelings as your hubby...mine lasted the whole 1 plus years..this year has been somewhat better emotionally.  Perhaps he just needs to work himself through this, hopefully he will communicate with you or a professional or even better, come on here and rant and rave.  We all have broad shoulders...both of you come on in.

[peleroja]

Welcome aboard.  I'm sorry your husband sounds like he's giving up.  I once told my friends that if I ever had to go on hemo I would just allow myself to die, and here I am on hemo temporarily and still alive and kicking.  Folks change their minds.  Let's hope he changes his.  Come on back any time and keep us posted on what's going on.

[David13]

Welcome to the site!   

You will find a lot of information and support here.

I hope to see you posting often.

[MIbarra]

Welcome, Greco!

I had a few times while I was on dialysis where I just didn't care anymore and had a feeling of utter hopelessness. I think many people feel this way at some point or another. It's almost like the grieving process! Eventually I snapped out of it and I really hope your husband will too.

[petey]

Hi, Greco!  And welcome to the IHD family.  I'm a "caregiver" to my husband Marvin who's been on dialysis now for 14 years (with a three-year break in the middle with a transplant that didn't last long enough).  ESRD and dialysis have sometimes overwhelming obstacles and trials for the patient and the partner.  Marvin and I have discovered that we can endure/outlive/survive anything as long as we have each other.

I hope your husband will change his mind, and I hope that you'll find support and strength here with us.  There are lots of other caregivers here, and we all understand where you are and how you feel.  We're here for you when you need us. 

[willowtreewren]

Hi, Greco,
I have lurked on this site for while now, so I understand where you are coming from. My husband of 40 years started dialysis last June and he is doing very well.

His sister, who is also on dialysis swore for years that she would NEVER do it. But that was from seeing the effects it had on her father some time back. Dialysis is not what it used to be. Of course it is not the same as being whole and healthy, but it beats the alternative.

I truly hope your husband is able to pull himself up from the outlook he is experiencing now so he can take benefit of the support - medical, physical and emotional - that is waiting for him.

Welcome to a wonderful place. Take care of yourself, so you can help take care of your husband.

Aleta

[MandaMe1986]

 

[kellyt]

 

[TeenHatesDialysis]

 

It is very hard to watch someone that you care so much about lose hope.    My daughter has been on dialysis for 15 months and has lost hope several times. I have cried my eyes out. It sounds like he is very depressed about his health. Will he consider anti-depressants or talking to a counselor?

Stay positive and hopeful for him. Just knowing that you are there for him is a great comfort for him. 

[greco02]

I talked with my husbands nephrologist for quite a while (this doctor is pretty special).  He told me he has many patients who don't want to just 'be alive'  That there is a big difference between being alive and living.  We see the doctor on the 23rd after some labs are done.  He understands my husband and says he deals with this often in his practice.  He promised to be frank.  Since Jim isn't taking any medication any more the doc thinks the progression will move faster.   If it were not for the other medical problems he has he might consider the treatments.   I will keep you posted....thanks...

[monrein]

  to IHD greco and I hope that we can provide additional support to you as you go through this very tough time.

[vandie]

Welcome.  You have come to the perfect place for support.  This group is fantastic.

[cherpep]

We're here for you - feel free to rant if you need to.  Sometimes hitting the keyboard (real hard) helps you feel a little better while you express something here that you can't anywhere else.  Hang in there.

[Mizar]

Welcome greco02!
I have also been Married almost 39 Years. I also have 5 Wonderful Grandbabies.
My Husband and I didn't have a " Slippery Slope " ride,  I walked into the Kitchen one Day and found Him on the floor having a full Blown Seizure, by Midnight of the same Day, I was told that He had suffered  complete Kidney function loss and they were starting Dialysis, immediately. We ( and I use the Term, We, because, this involves the Spouse also ) have been doing Dialysis, for a Year and a Half. It's a whole new Life Style for sure, but You learn to adjust.
I come to this Site, almost Daily, sometimes just to Read and once in a while to Post. After, My Husbands, Kidney Failure, I searched the Internet every Day, trying to learn all I could about it. I came upon this Site by " Accident"  hmmmmmm.
No Way. I was Led to this Site, for all the Postive Support, I have Read here and have been given. You are in the right place.


 

[Jean]

Welcome Greco,
I too was caregiver for my late husband, twice even. Unfortunately, both times, he was so drugged up for the pain, that he didnt know even who he was most of the time. It's really hard to deal with the loss of a loved one, but even harder to deal with your own emotions at the same time. And the physical drain on your own health. Thank God for this site, it is awesome, and you get opinions that are not prejudiced as they are in families. I will keep both of you in my prayers. Keep your chin up.

[Hanify]

Hi Greco, thinking of you and praying as well. Hope things have improved.

[greco02]

Yesterday we saw the neph.   GfR and creatinine are holding steady.  GfR is up one point from last month and is now 21.  The cretinine is high but close to the same as last month.  No question we are heading for either transplant or dialysis.  Next appt is in 3 months.   Add the kidney problems to his other medical issues and he is a mess.  Can't get referred to the best endocrinologist in Southern Cal whose specialty is the problem he has.   No endo in San Diego knows as much as the folks at Cedars know.   We have asked for another referral but in the end my go out of pocket.   Gosh this gets old!

Thanks everyone...I like that I can rant on this site.