Bob's Blog Saturday 3-28-09

[BobN]

Bob Here
   
I’ve thought about this for a while now, and I’m convinced that I’m really out of it.

No, no, don’t try to change my mind. 

I’ve got to be the least cool person on the face of the earth.

I’d like to find a way to blame this on being on dialysis, so I’m writing about it here, so that maybe you all can help me find a way to do that.

Maybe being confined to the dialysis center for 12-13 hours per week (including time for preparing, alarming, bleeding, stopping, fainting, cramping, etc., etc. etc., you know the drill).

All the less time available to become cool, right?

This feeling started creeping up on me when I turned 50 a few years back.  I thought, remember the days when you thought being 50 made somebody ready to be embalmed? 

Now here you are.

The fact is around the workplace, I’m one of the elder statesmen now.  Most of my colleagues are younger than I am.

But this is truly not about age, really.

A close friend of mine told me recently that she bought her son tickets to an Opeth concert for his birthday.

She described Opeth as being kind of a “Swedish Death Metal Group”. 

It took me a while to realize that she wasn’t kidding.

A Swedish Death Metal Group, huh?

I feel old just saying that.

Another time recently some people in the office (again, mostly younger) were talking about concerts that they had been to recently.

Not only had I not been to a concert in centuries, but I had never even heard of a single one of the bands they were all talking about.

When they saw my bewilderment, they asked me what really was the last concert I had actually been to.  Well, I really had to think hard, but it turns out it was Art Garfunkle in 1973.

When I said that, they looked at me like I should be sitting on a park bench somewhere with a blanket over my legs and a flask full of hot tawdy.

I think part of it may have something to do with my profession.  I mentioned earlier that I’m in an officer-level position for a big company.  I probably didn’t mention that I’m in Finance.

If you get a bunch of Finance people together, it’s not exactly a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving group.

Our idea of a good time is boning up on the latest depreciation tables.

I actually had an argument recently with one of my peers over net present value calculations in preferred stock valuations.

Earth shattering subject matter.

One time, I came up on some of my Finance friends at a social gathering, and one guy was telling what he thought was an outrageously funny story.  A got there mid-story, but he was saying something like,

“AND THIS GUY ASKED ME FOR TOTAL LIABILITIES, WHEN HE REALLY ONLY NEEDED CURRENT LIABILITIES, HA HA HA HA HA HA,” going into hysterics.

At that point I thought, just shoot me before I fall into the same mental abyss.

Yep, I definitely think being uncool is a pre-requisite to being in Finance.

As part of my job, I interact with a lot of Marketing people as well.

Let me tell you, if you ever want to feel out-of-it, just hang with some Marketing peeps, and it won’t take long at all.

They’re all up on the latest trends and have it all going, cool-wise.

Some of the hottest trends in Marketing now is internet-based, and I always hear in-depth conversations going on about Facebook, and YouTube, and Twitter.

I’ve become a master at pretending I know all the latest about these sites, when the truth is, I don’t have the first clue.

Hey, I only just did my first blog.  Ever.  On this site a few weeks ago.

I often have no trouble showing how uncool I am.

Recently, some Marketing folks came in, all excited, and said they wanted to do a deal with Ryan Sheckler.

I went along, saying yeah, great, just get me a cost and a draft of the contract.

The later, I went to my assistant and said, “Who’s Ryan Sheckler?”

Apparently he’s a skateboarder, very popular with the younger crowd.

Of course, I instantly started screwing up his name, and later, in a big crowd, mentioned that we were considering doing a deal with “Brian Selzer.”

Felt about an inch tall on that one.

One of the other big things in Marketing is advertising on Reality-TV.

The other day, the subject came up and a co-worker, a guy who’s actually a little older than I am was completely conversant on the latest shows.

I was like, am I the only one who doesn’t know about these things?

I might have to start watching something other than The Simpsons and Championship Wrestling.

Thing is, when I hear all this talk, I just don’t feel out-of-it, I feel WAYYYYYYY out-of-it.

My personal habits are changing as well, and I’m trying to tell myself that it’s not because I’m getting older.

For instance, I used to like to drive fast, to my detriment a lot of times.  I’ve gotten speeding tickets in just about every state in the union.

Now, it takes me a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

What do you think, can I blame it all on being on dialysis?

How about part of it?  Hey I’m willing to take anything right about now.

Does anybody else feel that way?

Here’s the way I might think about it, and see if you can go along with this, if only to humor me.

Heck, three days a week, I’m pretty much out of circulation.  I get to work early, and by the time I get off dialysis, it’s time to go home and hit the sack.

I know, you’re all thinking, “ok, what’s your excuse for Tuesday and Thursday evenings?”

Well, most Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’m doing…give me a minute here…

OK, most Tuesdays and Thursday, I’m not doing much of anything after work.  Hanging out with the wife.  Occasionally, we play tennis on a weeknight, but usually, our schedules are pretty light.  We don’t watch much TV, or do any of the other things that might raise the cool factor.

Some nights, I feel like I’m…well…recovering from dialysis.  How’s that for an excuse?  Most people here know what I’m talking about.

Fact is, all kidding aside, dialysis can take a chunk out of our coolness, but in reality, it’s a small sacrifice to make.  Other than the occasional embarrassing episode in the company of younger-types, it seems like a livable shortfall, especially for the benefit of continuing our lives.

Seems pretty ok when we put it that way, doesn’t it?

Anyway, thanks again for reading.

Hope everyone has a good week of treatments.

Remember – inactivity is the enemy.

Take care.

[silverhead]

Sure sounds like I should officially welcome you to the OLD FARTS CLUB, glad to have a new member. Like you, the last concert I attended was to see the Glenn Miller band when it came through town in the early 70's, that was about the last time I went to a movie theater also (I have infinite patience, it will be on TV eventually)
It sounds great that you can still partake of some strenuous activity, I too enjoy it, but only mentally anymore (will be 70 in a couple of months), a hard days work anymore involves a shopping trip to Wal-Mart, when I get home I usually bring in the perishables and leave the canned goods and so forth for tomorrows work load......
Tom

[MandaMe1986]

No its not just being old, I am 22 and have that problem.  I blame it on being a mom and being sick.  I never go out.  I had a friend here the other day talking about some new band she went to and about a new club in town. And I had to ask what they both were.  And your talking about concerts, I haven't been to a concert in a few years either.  But the two concerts I have ever been to were Cher and Sister Hazel!  I am 22 about to be 23 what is my excuse?

[G-Ma]

Hi BobN.......I may be stepping in deep dodo here but it appears to me you are """fighting """ to stay somewhat important to something.  Let me tell you right here that Kidney Failure could care less if you are the CEO of a company, one of the """upper level""" Managers which I was, a Professor, Teacher, Writer and many other professions which many of us were.  Just relax, don't stress so much about what and who you know.  You have a wife, enjoy her, go for walks do whatever is enjoyable to you, love your family.  All those "important" people you hang with probably aren't going to give a flying flip about what you do.  I had ""many"" that I thought were good friends, co-Managers, co-workers etc who forgot me the minute I lost my vision and then my kidneys. You will eventually realize the friends that are worth it are still there and the others just became a figment of your imagination.  This is just my  but felt I needed to get it out there today.

[monrein]

Your blog made me crack up several times laughing as I thought about how what I love most about aging is in fact the lessening need to be cool, well really really cool at any rate.  Having to be up on any death metal bands would have had me asking to be shot on the spot even at 16 but of course I was terminally serious then and I'm glad that burden's been lifted too.

Hang in there you aging wonder you, and never forget that the cynicism and treachery of old age will beat youthful optimism and good looks any day of the week.

PS.  On a serious note, the only way to stay cool is to hang out with young people as much as one can, even if it means feeling like a perfect idiot and asking really stupid questions.

[sewerrat4u]

Bob your blog is awesome, I think when I read it " this guy must be cool "saying everything that other

people can relate to and feeling like I know I'm in my 50's but I still think like I'm in my 30's.  I still think

the Eagles,Led Zep, and AWB and Bad Co. are cool thats why they call it classic rock now , before metal

rock came the classic.

  Now I do think G-Ma has a great point about who cares what young or other people think, just keep

your family first, friends next and your coworkers last.   With my kidney failure I have had to rely on family

more than friends to get me to the hospital.

              I wish I still had endurance to do things, I don't ride my Harley very much or very far because I

just get to tired and I don't want to risk droping the bike anywhere.

As far as the Old "F.A.R.T." club I would say it stands for OLD FAST. ACTION. RACING .TEAM.AND YES I

want to join the club.  SIGN ME UP!   

[Jill D.]

Hey BobN - that was a GREAT post! You might work in what you think is a boring/dull/uncool profession but you are certainly not clueless and I can tell you have a great sense of humor!
I am 46 years old, and even though I had a transplant a couple of years ago, I have been feeling "old" because of the ups and downs of my health. Fortunately, I am in sales for a printing company and have a lot of interaction with marketing people, graphic designers, ad people, etc. You are right - these creative people are "cool"; they know and use all of the latest communication technology, and know the latest trends (especially if they are mid-thirty or younger.) In fact, I figure within 5 - 10 years print communication as we know it will be obsolete so in that respect I sometimes feel like an "old-timer"!
I think you should get on Facebook  - you are an articulate, humorous guy and you can let that side of you show there. You will also be amazed at how much of the new technology you will learn there! Being on Facebook is a good way to spend your time during dialysis if you have a laptop (and if your center is wireless).
I think you are feeling like you are not fitting in, and seeing time pass you by. Besides Facebook, you and you wife should try a new restaurant, or catch some local theater. You are lucky to still be working since it does get you "out of the house". I know how tiring it can be to have ESRD, dialysis and work, but think of some things that you like to do, and things you and your wife like to do, and make some plans to get out of your rut - even if it's only once or twice a month!
Hang in there!!!!

[TeenHatesDialysis]

Bob,

I think you need to hang out with my 3 teenagers to become "Cool" again (the youngest is very much into death metal music---I think the dialysis is getting to her) and the other two can learn much from you, like calculating their current liabilities...sounds like a WIN-WIN situation.....so could you take for the summer?

[Jill D.]

 

[kellyt]

Nice Blog, Bob!  Thanks for that!

I'm in San Antonio.  We have a few other Texans in our IHD family.  We've been trying to get a meeting together.

[Wenchie58]

BobN...you have GOT to be the funniest, uncool guy I have ever read.  Keep posting, you lighten my spirits!!

[breezysummerday]

Old School Cool trumps every time.

Terrific post!