Dialysis and depression

[kittylee]

Feeling a bit down the past few weeks tired and cranky cant seem to keep myself out of trouble. I think I might be depressed, everytime I go to the Dr I chicken out and don't tell him how I really feel - I make an appointment and then when I go I feel staunch and don't want to look like a sooky la la.
Don't really have anyone to talk to most people think I am doing really well, the last thing I could cope with is having everyone feel sorry for me including my hubby. Maybe it will pass, maybe just the holidays. Is anyone on antidepressants? Is it normal to fall in a hole after the first few months if dialysis?

[RichardMEL]

Kitty one thing you will NOT look like is a Sooky La La! what you're going through is a dramatic life changing situation and coping with this is hardly easy. The thing is you SHOULD tell your doctor, and I also personally believe your husband. If those closest to you don't know where you're really at how can they be expected to support you as much as they can in the right way? I don't mean that to sound at all critical since I too understand the feeling staunch thing. The thing is you're allowed to be human too as well as brave. There's nothing wrong with admitting how you feel to us, your doc or hubby. You clearly have self awareness on your side which is most of the battle IMHO since you clearly understand you don't feel good and you want to do something (by making the appointments). I think all of us have felt depressed at times dealing with our lot. How serious it is will obviously differ from person to person given everyone's different circumstances.. the thing is you shouldn't feel afraid or stupid to admit you have these feelings to others. You're not a robot.

 

[highlite36]

Hang in there, Kitty.  It is quite crucial to tell you doctor how you are feeling.  They will be able to help you out more than you think.  Having a depression after your life is altered this much is hard and you shouldn't have to go through it alone.  I would recommend therapy as well.  It helps to have someone there who will always be on your side and help you figure out what to do with yourself.  I've been told that the mind is a very powerful tool and if it's not in the right place, the body will follow.  Take care of yourself and keep us updated.

[silverhead]

I believe it would be the extremely rare Kidney patient who does not experience some degree of Depression, especially in the beginning, after all your whole world has been stood on it's head, a good Nephrologist will be able to help you a lot in this regard if you open up to them about your feelings, and urge you to speak up to him (or her) and to your family about this. There is a lot of light at the end of the tunnel now-days in the treatment of this......

[monrein]

Hi Kitty, depression is one of the very common effects of our illness and many dialysis patients take anti-depressants.  That may help or perhaps just finding a trustworthy person (any decent social workers on your medical team?) to talk to about how you're feeling might allow you to dispose of some of those worrisome thoughts, at least for a little while.   The hardest thing I find is adjusting to the fact that our lives are changed, that we aren't able to keep up with our own expectations of ourselves and I too am a candidate for actress of the year.  However there are a few select people with whom I can let that facade down and by whom I feel deeply understood.  This is tough stuff to cope with for anyone and I hope you will talk to your doctor about your options. 
Sending you hugs and hoping you get some relief from the way you've been feeling.   

[Sunny]

Kitty,
You are not alone in feelings of depression. It would be a very unusual ESRD patient to not go through feelings of depression at times. Hang in there, you will get through this. You probably should tell your treating physician so they can try to help you in some way. That may include a referral to a therapist to help get you through this spot, or anti-depressants.I have taken Cymbalta to ease depression during rough times and I know it helps. The important thing here, is that you tell someone and ask for help so that you won't feel so alone. Good luck and I wish you well.

[kitkatz]

This a very hard road you are going down with dialysis. Your feelings are normal and should be discussed with someone.  I go through periods of mild mood craziness, then things are okay, then back to crazy. 

[oleboy]

Like everyone says you are not alone, I had to have my wife tell me I was depressed, I talked to the doctor and I have been on Prozac now for a while. I went back to my clinic and the doctor ask me if the medication had helped, so I said ask my wife. She replied that it had helped.

[noduh]

Kitty I am new at this life changing time in our lives, after 20 days in the hospital, 42 lbs of water gain, IVs in my neck because they couldn't find my veins, complete kidney failure and 2 panic attacks that I have never had before and then dialysis, fear and depression was my middle name. About the 3rd month of the 4 hour, 3 times a week depressing, scary dialysis session I decided it would take a heck of alot more than this to get me down. Now I work full time, take my 3 grandsons on an outing once a week for our time together, take my 2 teenage granddaughters to dinner once a week to make sure they know about life, talk to my 4 sons and daughter-in-laws at least once a day and make sure my husband knows I am a 
a Sissy La La and not the "Super Person" I always tried to be.  Talk to your doctor and talk to yourself, you are the most important person in you life right now and you need to do what makes you happy.  Remember, You are the happiness . in someones heart. Think how depressed everyone else will be if something happens to you 

[Rerun]

What you want is your "normal" life back and your are realizing that you can't have it.  Your friends and family see you as "doing great" because you are up and functioning.  You aren't going to die and they are satisfied with that.  Come here to express your feelings because unless you are going through it you don't fully understand. 

I feel so bad for you right now, but know that you will learn to cope and all will be well. 

                                                                               

[kittylee]

Well - thank you all for the advice and support. I made the huge leap and told my GP probably the hardest thing I have ever done - he was very helpful and has arrranged for me to see a councilor and to start antidepressants. I spoke to poor long suffering hubby (Dennis) and he said he knows whats going on afterall he has eyes and lives with me ha ha poor thing I am such a moody cow at the moment and he never knows which person he will get. He is glad I talked to the Dr and will support me in whatever I decide to do. I had a long think about things the other day and realized dialysis is a HUGE thing and only just now am I starting to allow myself to think about it, my Dr asked me if I was coping on dialysis and I said sure I do all the right things and he said doing it and coping with it are two differant things - he is so right. Well maybe now I might start to face up and talk abut it and learn how to talk about how I feel to other people and not to try and do it all alone - unfortunate personality thing want to do EVERYTHING myself. Anyhow thanks again... 

[Sunny]

You've made a big step in the right direction. Congratulations. Everything will turn out fine. Just be patient and you will see.

[kitkatz]

Good for you. Things will get better.


Now you know why I Hate Dialysis.com is here.  Just for us who hate dialysis and want somewhere to talk about things!

[MandaMe1986]

I have been on antidepressants for a while and I have yet to start dialysis.  But it is 100% normal to get a little cranky, in fact I would worry if you weren't. Haha.  I started talking to a therapist a while back and that helped with my mood a lot.  Maybe its something you can try.  But feel free to vet, I am always up for hearing how I am not the only person that feels like I am losing it a little every once and a while.    But don't worry it comes and goes.

[G-Ma]

You were trying to be strong...I did the same thing...everyone was always going on about how strong I was and handling things so well..I went to dialysis, smiled, went home, crawled under the covers and cried and slept, no one knew, until I found IHD..then I came out of the closet..
and with everyones help I'm starting to feel like I can cope most of the time anyway.

[cookie2008]

I gave in about 3 months ago and talked to my doc and i started taking zoloft I feel better and my family has seen a big difference in me.

[jbeany]

If I could figure out how to connect a turbine to my mood swings, I could power my home dialysis machine.

It's all normal, and I'm glad you were able to talk to your doc about it and get some help.  Adding the emotional stress that comes with the holidays on to the stress of just starting dialysis, and it really all does become too much for anyone to bear alone.   Being able to come here and talk to others who are going thru the same thing really helps me. 

[Hilrose]

You've just gone thru a big change in your life and it's all about acceptance... accepting the change is hard... it took me about 6 months to a year to accept that I have to dialyise and have to change my lifestlye. I did talk to a social worker in counselling the nurses at the dialysis centre and my family and I pulled thru it... it does take time so be patient with yourself and talk to us when you can, don't keep it in, let it out....

Keep us posted.

H

[coorsbob]

Is anyone on antidepressants? Is it normal to fall in a hole after the first few months if dialysis?

Yes we are I started on Prozac about  a month or two in to dialysis. So what your going through is pretty common. Hang in there it gets better. Just remember we are all your extended family now and understand just what you are going through.

[G-Ma]

Off track...coors...love that picture.

[dwcrawford]

Well I've been in depressions off and on forever -- without any physical illnesses.  Now I have an excuse.  You probably don't want people to feel sorry for you because you want to understand what is going on.  Well, that's me anyway.  I usually want to talk about it but what I have to say sounds so weird to most "normal" people.

I've tried every major antidepressant there is but can't take any of them.  Side effects run from severe diahreah to thoughts of suicide.  Talk thereapy helps for a little while.  The best advise I ever had came from a group therapy member who said "do something".  What?  It doesn't matter, just "do something".

Aside from depression, kidney failure and occasional thoughts of suicide I also suffer from from being a little verbose.  I'm sorry.

And I love all of these little pictures.     But I need one with a martini glass and not a beer.

[kitkatz]

Here is the place to talk it out.  I am completely open to listening as are most of our members.

I, too, have to let it out sometimes.

[Scatterbrain]

I would like to thank every one here welcoming me. You are all good people.

Well finally after the problems with the Gambro AK 95S, Finally got it working properly. The machine had to be calibrated; it was a simple adjustment that one of the experienced Gamber guys took care of. So far after six months at home dialysis I can say the machine is starting to be my friend. But still I can’t sleep when it’s turned on. I still suspect that Doctors know about this problem but having a hard time to deal with it. When I ask about this problem they simply reply, we know but Gambro can’t do anything about it. This is a problem beyond there control. I’ve herd it many times from different users that the machine keeps them awake. I did some test’s and its not the AK 95s that is the problem, the problem is in the WRO. The WRO is too loud. When I say it’s too loud I actually mean louder than the sleeping DB average of 4.5 Decibels, any sound level over 4.5 DB will not make you sleep even if you are the heaviest sleeper. The WRO of the AK95s is 5.9 Decibels that will keep any heavy sleeper awake. I tried putting ear plugs but that scared the hell out of me when an alarm went off and I could not hear it. I tried to adapt doing my dialysis in different times like after supper so I can watch TV till I get to sleep or start early morning so I’d be done by lunch time, But that interrupted by killing the valuable moments of my daily activities. To me the whole idea of this home dialysis is to give me those few extra days to enjoy the little life I have left.
So now I know there is ways around this problem but how long will I be able to endure the mental stress suffering. So I am challenged with a new decision in my life that will never be able to go back and reveres.
I  don’t have to let this sickness corner me into controlling my life, I have to fight this disease to the last fighting bullets my heart can handle, When I can’t fight anymore then I’ll simply hook myself up to my Gamby to do my last dialysis and take all the sleeping pills I own. Maybe it will be the last dialysis I ever have but I will have a full eight hours sleep in a full never ending dream that I finally had a good night sleep with a full clean dialysis the way it was supposed to be.


To Die, To Sleep, Maybe to Dream.
William Shakespeare.


Scatterbrain