It's Christmas time

It's Christmas time
Published Wednesday December 24th, 2008

A time for family, and friends to join together in the spirt of love, joy and laughter. But for many, it can also be a time of sadness, heartbreak or sorrow, as they try to cope with family tragedies or job losses.

It is also a time when people all over the world reach out to those who are suffering, offering whatever bit of comfort or assistance they can provide to help alleviate their loneliness and pain.

Christmas is a time when those who give of their hearts expect nothing in return, while those who receive can only repeat their heartfelt "Thank You's" in return.

From the moment we learn to speak, we are taught to say, in one form or another, the words "Thank You". During our lifetime, these words are repeated time and time again as a sign of appreciation for gifts offered, such as a hug, a glass of water, a kindness shown , etc.

And for a very fortunate few, a rare and priceless gift is given and received. A gift that will forever change the lives of all who are touched by the process.

This is the story of just such a gift offered by an extraordinary young woman Tanya Roy of Fredericton, who changed my life forever.

The gift of life

by Judy Caissie

Twenty-two years ago, I was informed that I had Type 2 Diabetes. Over the next several years, I struggled to cope with the ever-growing demands of work, health and family issues as my illness progressed to the point where I had to begin taking insulin shots four times a day.

By 2006, my body began exhibiting symptoms of total exhaustion, accompanied by an ever deepening sense of malaise. My life circumstances had changed over the years. An earlier marriage breakup meant that I could not afford to give up working as I was my sole support. I kept on going.

Early on in the year, I had a chance encounter with friends at a local store. The wife took one look at me and told me she was going to drive me to our local hospital's Emergency Department right away. I was immediately admitted and treated for severe Renal Anemia. I was told that during my hospital say I would receive several four hour long infusions of iron, as my bone marrow had stopped producing red blood cells.

The following November, I lay, completely devestated, in a hospital bed of the Georges Dumont Hospital in Moncton, desperately trying to make sense out of what the neprhologist was explaining to me. My kidneys were no longer functioning properly and I would have to be put on dialysis for what could possibly be the rest of my life.

A transplant nurse asked me if I wanted to be on a waiting list as a possible kidney recipient. Still in a daze, I agreed, and was told that because I had a very common blood type, I could expect a wait time of five to six years.

For the next three months, I struggled to keep up with my job, while attending four hour long dialysis sessions at the Dialysis clinic, three times a week.

I had also made an effort to find out more about my illness, and was rather disturbed to hear that those who remain on dialysis for a long period of time might not be in condition to receive a transplant when their turn comes up.

In February 2007, I had to attend business meeting in Fredericton and made arrangements to stay overnight at my third cousn Yoland Roy's home. Yoland's wife Sylbie invited two of their adult children, Tanya and Jeffrey, as well as Yoland's mother, Hedweidge Roy over to share a family supper with their guest. (Many may remember Hedweidge and her husband Edgar, who raised their family on Dutcher street in Newcastle.)

"I'm giving you my kidney"

Supper progressed with much reminiscing and laughter as we caught up on each other's lives, until the moment Tanya leaned over the table and smilingly said, "By the way Judy, I have something for you."

"What's that, Tanya?" I asked.

"I'm giving you my kidney."

Stupified, I stared at her for several seconds trying to absorb what I had just heard. Then I vehemently said, "No, you can't do that."

Chuckling, she replied. "You have no choice in the matter, Judy."

Turning to her mother, I stammered, "Stop her! She doesn't know what she's saying."

From the other side of the table Tanya answered.

"Oh yes, I do. My best friend gave her friend a kidney five years ago and both of them are doing very well. I've done all the research. I already know that I am your blood type, and that I'll have to undergo a year of testing and take time off work if I'm accepted as a donor."

At that moment, Sylbie reached over to pat my hand. "Judy, she's already discussed this with us and it's OK. We want you to know that if Yoland and I had been healthy, we would have offered as well."

"Tanya you can't afford to take eight weeks off from work to do this."

"Judy, and I've already discussed this with my employer. I told him that if I'm accepted as a donor, I will apply for short term disability through the company's insurance company to cover my expenses while I'm off next year."

Totally overwhelmed, I stared wildly around the table, body trembling violently, still trying to make her see why she shouldn't and couldn't do this. It was all to no avail.

I finally managed to say, "Tanya, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I just can't handle this right now. I can't handle this right now."

"It's all right, Sweetie, you don't have to say anything right now. You go back to the Miramichi and think about it. When you are ready, just call me."

For the next two weeks I rode a roller coaster of emotion while trying to make a decision that would have a profound effect on the rest of our lives.

‘How can I take a kidney from her? She's a perfectly healthy young woman... I just can't do it! It's not right to ask her to make such a sacrifice. No, I didn't ask her. But how can I accept her offer knowing that she will only be left with one.'

Unable to make a decision, I called her thinking that it might help me resolve the matter.

Upon hearing her voice, I began to weep. "Tanya, in God's name, how do I thank you for the offer?"

For me, at that moment, her offer was the true gift. An offer made without a trace of self-sacrifice, and one that was instilled with such warm loving, generosity of spirit.

"Sweetie, listen. You don't have to thank me. My family and I have watched you give and give and give to others all your life. I still remember the kind, loving woman who was so good to me when I was a young girl. Now it's your turn to receive. This is my privilege. Please don't take this away from me."

Humbly, I accepted her offer.

She called me often during the next year with the latest reports of her tests, making me laugh at the funny anecdotes she recounted. And always, the tears I shed as I tried to thank her again for what she was doing, followed by her "Sweetie, you don't have to thank me.".

I remember one particular phone call at the end of May, just a few weeks before we were to learn if the tests would prove that we were a match for the tranplant. Tanya is a counsellor with the Credit Counselling Services of Atlantic Canada, a non-profit organization which provides counselling for those experiencing financial difficulty.

During the annual meeting of the company's New Brunswick branches held in Saint John, the company's CEO John Eisner asked Tanya to stand up. Having told his employees that he was very proud of the excellent work they were doing in serving those who needed help, he wanted to tell them about one of their fellow employees who had gone one step further and had offered to give one her kidneys to an older cousin, and that the company was prepared to support her in any way.

Laughing, she then said "Judy, you have to stop crying every time you talk to me. I told my friends that I must be a bad influence on you because you cry whenever I call."

Another phone call. This time one filled with exhuberant joy.

"Judy, it's a go. We're a perfect match! It's really real, sweetie. Finally."

Twenty minutes later, I received a phone call from the Georges Dumont confirming the decision and informing me that Tanya and I were to present ourselves at the Victoria General Hospital in Halifax at 11 a.m. on Thursday, July 10.

Christmas in July

Tanya and I shared a room the night before the operation. We talked quietly about what was to take place and what it would mean to both of us. One of the nurses asked us if we were nervous and we answered no.

I must tell you that this was true. At no time during the year long process had we ever considered things might not go as planned. We simply knew it was going to work. We had been informed of everything that could possibly go wrong by the surgeon, but we were confident that it would go well.

Both operations were successfully completed. The surgeon who had performed both operations told Tanya's parents that he had never seen such a wonderfully healthy kidney given by a donor. I was informed that the new kidney functioned the moment they attached it.

I was sent down to the step-down room to recuperate while Tanya returned to her regular room. Early the next morning, Tanya popped to see how I was doing. By Saturday afternoon, I was walking up and down the halls with Tanya and my daughter-in-law Rachael, who had accompanied me to Halifax. We even enjoyed a half-hour coffee break in the cafeteria.

The following day at noon, Tanya left with her parents to return to Fredericton. I was released from the hospital on Tuesday and was sent to stay at Point Pleasant Lodge with instructions to return to the hospital every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, where I would be tested and instructed in the care of my new kidney. I returned home on Aug. 6.

Tanya quickly returned to her walking schedule and at the end of three-and-a-half weeks was walking eight kilometres a day. She also returned to work at this time. And every time I try to thank her, she tells me I don't have to.

But I do have to thank her. Because of this loving young woman's gift of one of her body organs, I am now able to function as a fully healthy human being.

Illness more severe than realized

I did not realize how truly ill I had been until the day after the operation, when I awoke to find myself doing things that were next to impossible because of the severity of my illness.

I spoke to Tanya and her parents last week in Fredericton. Her mother told me that she couldn't believe how terribly ill I looked when we met at the Victoria General the day before our operations. She and Yoland had not realized how much my condition had deteriorated during the previous year. Nor could they get over how changed I was the day after.

I had been so very ill during the previous four years, and as I found myself struggling to even think, much less peform properly, I couldn't admit to anyone the terror I felt when I thought I was becoming senile.

Tanya has given me not only her kidney but a healthy body as well as soemthing equally precious — a healthy functioning mind tht is no longer poisoned by deadly toxins running through my brain.

As an educator, writer and human being, I was horrified by my inability to concentrate on anything that required reading or writing skills.

Ill and frightened to death that I was becoming senile, I had staggered through the previous four years, simply trying to survive and wondering how much longer I could go on.

I no longer have to wonder. I have passed the six month tests and have been told that everything is functioning on a normal level. I will be returning to work in January.

Through Tanya I have learned the true meaning of the word's "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

Tanya gave of herself so that I would be able to live the rest of my life free of fear, pain and illness. She has given me new life, and the only things she asks in return is that I enjoy the beauty and pleasures that are to come to me everyday from now on.

I have also found the way to thank Tanya.

Firstly, I am going to take good care of the healthy kidney she has given me, .....

and thirdly to pass her gift forward.

I have volunteered my talents as an educator, writer and public speaker to NB Kidney Foundation of Canada. By doing so, I hope to spread the message to others that such a gift as Tanya's is not a luxury, but a gift that will allow both donor and recipient to experience the joy and wonder that accompanies it.

Donating an organ is much more than the transplantation of a body part. It is life. As the poster says:

"Please don't take your organs to heaven with you. Heaven knows we need them here."

If anyone out there wishes to reach us they may call or e-mail the NB Branch of the Canadian Kidney Foundation, or myself, Judy Caissie, at jcaissie1212@rogers.com.

On behalf of Tanya and myself as well as all our families and friends who have been so truly blessed this year, we want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a healthy and happy New Year.

http://miramichileader.canadaeast.com/news/article/521214