need encouragement

[staceyand joe92]

I just started dialysis about two weeks ago with a neck cath. My labs went down over a two week period to the point that I didn't have a choice except to begin dialysis ASAP.   I am very weepy on dialysis days and spend the entire "hook up" time in tears.   I knew there would be an adjustment period but I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm depressed.  Did anyone else feel this way or am I just a big baby?

[boxman55]

Depression is very common with dialysis patients. if you think that is the problem ask your nepth for a script. The first few weeks of dialysis is tough to get used to. I know it will get a little easier as time moves on. Please hang in there...Boxman

[staceyand joe92]

thanks for the advice I'll talk to my neph on Monday

[monrein]

You're definitely not a big baby, that's for definite.  It sounds like you're grieving and why wouldn't you be?  This is a big deal and it's not an easy road.  It usually does get easier, just as Boxman said, but this adjustment can take a while.  Remember that as we get sicker and sicker, we're actually being slowly poisoned by the toxins that our kidneys normally clear so it's to be expected that both our physical and emotional selves will suffer the effects.  You should start to feel physically better once your body adjusts a bit more, assuming that you're getting adequate dialysis.  When you feel that improvement it may help your emotions too but honestly we all struggle with both the physical and the emotional.  Boxman is also right about the depression and if you keep feeling awful and weepy all the time you should definitely talk to your doc about it.

A suggestion that I would add is to speak to a social worker.  I only pray, as I suggest this, that your clinic has a good social worker and not one of the somewhat useless types that carry that title.

[flip]

Don't feel depressed. Dialysis can give you a fairly normal life. You will adjust in time and feel much better. Keep a positive attitude and fight back.

[Joe Paul]

Crying is a good thing, it helps you to come to terms with this huge change in your life 

[del]

   I hope things get better when the dialysis starts to make you feel better.  It is normal to grieve.  It is a major adjustment to lose the use of your kidneys and have to deal with dialysis. 

[drinkboy]

You're certainly not a baby.  Having to go on dialysis is a life changing thing and it is scary at first...I would think that everyone was nervous at first and had to adjust, BUT you will adjust to it.  And you can still live a great life.  Stick with it and try to be positive and you're going to be fine!!

[lola]

Your not a baby, even my husband really has struggled since starting D it's rough knowing this is how things are now. We are all here for you

[staceyand joe92]

Thanks to everyone. Your words of encouragement have been heard LOUD and CLEAR and I think I can face tomorrow's dialysis treatment with a new outlook.

[kellyt]

     We'll be with you in spirit, my Friend.

[Sluff]

 

Footprints

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson

[charee]

hang in there it will get better

[kitkatz]

Throw another rock at God and get on with your life!

[G-Ma]

Sluff...my very favorite poem...
Stacy and Joe....Do give yourself permission to cry and grieve as that is what you are doing.  That will also help you get to a place where you will see that this hated thing is helping you and making you feel better.
Feel our love holding you up during this time.
Ann

[RichardMEL]

I don't see any babies here. Well I know one big baby on dialysis, but he's been on for 11 months and still demands locals and the way he acts you'd think he wasn't in his 40's but about 1/10th of it sometimes.

It is very natural to feel strong emotions at this time - specially if your introduction to dialysis was rather hasty and you didn't have time to get used to the idea (I had 13 years to prepare). The idea of being hooked up to that machine alone can be overwhealming, but I am sure as you start to stabalise and in a few weeks feel the *benefit* it gives you, or feeling more normal and stable etc, then it may be easier for you to handle the grind of being hooked up.

Also venting to us can definitely help!!! We know how it is. We can't do the session for you, but we can understand some of what you would be going through.

Just give it time.... unfortunately you will get used to it.

[Lucinda]

Hey Darling.....give it time.  You will be fine I am sure.  I am starting my training for dialysis in about a month and trying to stay positive but I am sure I won't really know what is involved until I am involved.  I am sure it is a huge adjustment.  One of my girlfriends started on dialysis last year and she likened it to sitting on her butt in a hairdressing salon for four hours getting her streaks done....the old-fashioned way with the crochet needle through the glad wrap....painful.  She said it took her a bit of time to realise that what she was doing was the equivalent of streaking her hair three times a week but after the first few months she said that she no longer likened it to the agonies of streaking her hair.....more just like the routine of washing her hair.  Those on dialysis probably wouldn't agree with her but I found it a pretty good analogy.  I hated sitting around for hours having my streaks done but I don't so much mind washing my hair so if that is how I will feel after the adjustment period then that won't be too bad.  Love Cindy. xxxx

[skyedogrocks]

You have every right to feel sad, who wouldn't be?  Don't get down on yourself for crying, everybody deals with it in their own way.

My husband Rob gets emotional now and then and he's been doing this for over 2 1/2 years.  He usually ok with it, but the emotion of it all just gets to you.  Do talk to your Neph if you feel that it's totally consuming you, dialysis can bring on a severe bout of depression.  Lean on your family, maybe have them go with you to a session.  Make sure you bring things you enjoy to your dialysis session...make the most of it.  That's the advice that was given to Rob and once he started doing it, it made the time go by faster.

Good luck and hang in there!