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| | |-+  Comebacks for those who are always asked when they're getting a transplant
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Author Topic: Comebacks for those who are always asked when they're getting a transplant  (Read 2468 times)
Kitsune
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Sometimes the dragon wins.

« on: September 28, 2008, 11:10:55 AM »

I have gotten tired of people asking when I am going to have my transplant, since no one knows when they are going to get the call or if they will, so here is a list of comebacks to those knuckleheads who ask THE BIG QUESTION repeatedly.

Comeback one: "Well, they wanted to do it next Monday, but seeing that I have tickets to the Children Of Bodom concert, I asked if they could reschedule it to the week after the Edguy concert, so I'm waiting for them to get back to me."

Comeback two: "Why? Are you offering?"

Comeback three: "That's really nice of you to offer, but I don't accept kidneys from idiots. I heard it's contagious."

Comeback four: "Oh, then you HAVE signed your donor card! Wonderful, you're a hero!" (Usually makes people feel stupid and they walk away, speechless.)

Comeback five: "I wasn't aware that was any of your business."

Comeback six: "The doctor says the typical wait is 3-5 years. Could be less, could be more, could be not at all, but you can help by becoming an altruistic donor!!" (Smile like a moron as you say the second sentence)

Comeback seven: "What are you talking about, I already had it! Where have YOU been?" (Best said to so-called "medical professionals" at dialysis who should know how long the list REALLY is.)

Comeback eight: "Are you taking a survey for UNOS or something because DAMN are you nosy!"

Comeback nine : "Well, the wizard was fresh out of kidneys, so I have to settle for dialysis until he gets more. But I still pee! Wanna see? (For people who still urinate, make a motion like you're going to pull down your pants)

Comeback ten: "When they find a match, dumb :sir ken;!"




 






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"Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word"- Pantera "Walk" (1991)
monrein
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Might as well smile

« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2008, 11:28:57 AM »

Those are clever and I got a good laugh out of them. :rofl;


On a serious note though, people I barely know have offered me a kidney (my dentist's receptionist is one, a close friend's cousin is another, an artist whose work I collect is another) so I usually do the funny line in my head and grab the opportunity to do a little public education about the shortage and the need and the donor card signing is a really smart move thing.  One of my gym friends told me last week that she lurks here cuz she doesn't want to be insensitive and ask dumb questions but is curious.  I said she could always ask, if I don't answer then we'll talk.  :rofl;
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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
Zach
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"Still crazy after all these years."

« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2008, 11:42:53 AM »

"I would get it next month if you would donate one of yours."

 8)
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In-center uninterrupted hemodialysis since 1982--32 YEARS on March 3, 2014 !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No transplant.  Not yet, anyway.  Only decided to be listed on 11/9/06    ;)
Work full time.  I make films.

Just the facts: 75 kgs. (about 165 lbs.)
Treatment: Tue-Thur-Sat   5 hours, 2x/wk, 6 hours, 1x/wk
600 dialysate flow (Qd)  ~400 blood pump (Qb)
Fresenius Optiflux-180 filter--without reuse
Fresenius 2008T dialysis machine
My KDOQI (+/ -):  2,625 Calories, 90 grams Protein per day.

"Living a life, not an apology."
Kitsune
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Sometimes the dragon wins.

« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2008, 04:12:55 PM »

"I would get it next month if you would donate one of yours."

 8)

or "As soon as more people donate! You do know donated kidneys are as rare as dragons, don't you?"
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"Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word"- Pantera "Walk" (1991)
peleroja
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I have 16 hats, all the same style!

« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2008, 07:26:20 AM »

Reminds me of one of the tee shirts I saw on a website:

If you feel as sorry for me as you say you do, please sign your donor card.
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okarol
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Photo is Jenna - after Disneyland - 1988

WWW
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2008, 08:07:43 AM »



There's just not enough dead people to go around.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
Now needs a new kidney, 7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She started PD Sept. 2013
Searching for a living donor using social media, friends, family.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Jenna is an artist, she loves music, is a fan of ComicCon, and has been writing stories since she was little.
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
Wallyz
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« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2008, 09:22:40 AM »

You may be interested in supporting my new Advocacy group TCAMML.














Transplant candidates against mandatory motorcycle helmet laws.
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kitkatz
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« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2008, 05:16:24 PM »

If one more person asks me why I can't get a transplant I am going to  :Kit n Stik; them!

Here are a few of my more sane comebacks.

List, what list? There is a list?
No, I really don't want one. I love dialysis!
Needles every other night are awesome!

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Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Jess21
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WWW
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2008, 08:32:27 PM »

I figured my life wasn't busy enough, so I added 12 hours of dialysis a week.
I'm on the list of the waiting list's list.
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Hospitalized w/ renal failure- Nov. 2007
Diagnosed w/ ESRD w/ unknown cause- Jan 2008
Lower arm AV Fistula created- March 2008
On IL transplant list- Oct. 8th, 2008
On WI transplant list- June 25th, 2009
Pediatric 2 kidney transplant- July 6th, 2009 (3/6 antigen match)
kitkatz
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« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2008, 05:28:18 PM »

List?
We don't need no stinkin' list!
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Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
Kitsune
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Sometimes the dragon wins.

« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2008, 09:24:03 PM »

List?
We don't need no stinkin' list!

Or:

"I really didn't like my kidneys anyway, they weighed too much so I went on dialysis. They're making me be on the list or I won't get cookies!"

"Next week,, and guess who's the donor?" (Smile evilly and reach ino your pocket)

"So nice of you to ask! So, when are you starting the testing again?"

"Yeah, about that....Your husband, I mean my boyfriend started the testing last month. He wanted it to be a surprise when he divorces you next week." (said to a woman by a woman)

"Do I get paid for answering this dumb survey? If not, I'm out of here!" (and run away)

"No idea, but while we're talking, I have to tell you, I ran over your dog....oops."

"Why do you ask? Were you wanting to be tested?"

"Do I win a prize for this?"

"Aren't you a nosy little bugger?"

"What's it to you? Planning to test then?"

"So, when is the Wizard getting back to you about that brain anyway?"

"Like YOU care."

"I tried to test to give myself a kidney, but the doctor said my kidneys didn't work, so I'm still waiting three years later!"



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"Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word"- Pantera "Walk" (1991)
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