Ex-boyfriend wants to give me a kidney.

[kitkatz]

If your hubby truly loves you he would not stand in the way of getting a healthy wife back through a new kidney transplant.

[pelagia]

I think my husband might encourage me to have an affair if it meant that the chosen lover would give me a kidney.  He might want to see blood work and test results first (you could call it a pre-condition) but if it would get me healthy and back to wilderness canoe trips with him, heck he might divorce me and marry the guy himself.

I know this is a serious thread, but really Gail you just crack me up.

[G-Ma]

I believe at the end of the day, Lucinda, this needs to be your decision and not your husband's.If he is not secure enough to allow you to have a lifesaving procedure I don't know if he is worth a M&M..........Petey....I would love to give Marvin my ovaries if he needs them...no problem, just let me know.  Flip, you may have an idea going forward for others....distribution of organs as assets.  Hmmm.....The first thing my honey said when we found out about my ESRD was "let me give you one of my kidneys" but I told him no as almost every member of his family has diabetes and he may just need his second one, so we deal with dialysis.

[flip]

Mine was meant as a joke.....giving my ex a worthless kidney when she doesn't need one. Just a malicious thought.

[G-Ma]

I know but really not a bad iidea if organs are working hmmmm???

[Wattle]

I think my husband might encourage me to have an affair if it meant that the chosen lover would give me a kidney.  He might want to see blood work and test results first (you could call it a pre-condition) but if it would get me healthy and back to wilderness canoe trips with him, heck he might divorce me and marry the guy himself.

     That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. My husband would jump at the chance for me to have a go a a transplant. He wouldn't give a hoot where the kidney came from (as long as it was healthy). For us, Marriage is about trust and not control. I don't mean to disrespect your relationship Cindy, but he really needs to have more trust in you. A transplant option should not be judged on his marriage statistics.
 
   ..... Please keep that door WIDE open. You might change your mind after a few years on dialysis. And the "List" here sucks!!!     

[RichardMEL]

Lucinda,

Does seem a tad hypocritical of him to expect you to get on with his millions of ex's yet you can't have a friendship with yours. Definitely sounds like insecurity mostly because that's the wya he's acted in the past (and just as an aside, doesn't it concern you about what he may do to YOU??? Specially if dialysis gets a real drag etc? I know that is a horrible thing to say but there's clearly a track record there).

You know if I was married to you Lucinda I'd be totally saying go for it. Live donations are so much better, and I'd even potentially push to try and get it done before you started dialysis (well maybe this is moot now if you're starting in november, because a live donor transplant workup usually takes six or so months)... as others have said if hubby is secure in YOUR relationship who cares if it comes from an ex? I would think it was a beautiful gesture from someone who cares for another human being. Specially if he has moved on and well and truly with another woman both partners shouldn't be jealous... the other thing is that the positives for your relationship could be enormous if you did go for the transplant - freedom from D, more energy, more normal ability to live life etc... I'd want that for you so much!!

Lucinda have you guys been invited to and/or attended a transplant seminar to go through the various options and potential outcomes? The renal clinics offer them - here on a yearly basis (we just had one last week) and I'm sure they do in Sydney. It may be useful for you both to attend one in the future.. just to get a better idea of what the real deal is. Just a thought.

No problem to put the idea on hold and see how you go on dialysis etc.. it is wonderful to know you have someone willing to be tested there. I wish I had someone like that!!

[aharris2]

I would knock my husband over and run like hell as fast as I could to get the kidney, even if it was from an ex boyfriend!

but would you TRADE your hubby for one?

If your husband loves you and knows what love is, he would encourage you to move forward regarding the ex's kidney.

Something I may have missed, but has your husband offered you one of his? If he hasn't, then his standing is lost - he has no right to an opinion.

Seconding an earlier comment, the approval process involves psychological testing. Let "them" work out the motivations issue.

Transplant first or dialysis first?
Rolando had started dialysis and was well on his way to being put on "the list" for a kidney/pancreas transplant when a complication of dialysis nearly killed him and compromised his circulatory system. 5 years later, we're about to start the process again, but the compromised circulatory system may put us out of it. But transplant first was not an option for him.

[petey]

You know if I was married to you Lucinda I'd be totally saying go for it. Live donations are so much better, and I'd even potentially push to try and get it done before you started dialysis (well maybe this is moot now if you're starting in november, because a live donor transplant workup usually takes six or so months)... as others have said if hubby is secure in YOUR relationship who cares if it comes from an ex? I would think it was a beautiful gesture from someone who cares for another human being. Specially if he has moved on and well and truly with another woman both partners shouldn't be jealous... the other thing is that the positives for your relationship could be enormous if you did go for the transplant - freedom from D, more energy, more normal ability to live life etc... I'd want that for you so much!!



No problem to put the idea on hold and see how you go on dialysis etc.. it is wonderful to know you have someone willing to be tested there. I wish I had someone like that!!

RichardMel,
You are a true sweetheart.  If Marvin ever gets mad and leaves me, I'm coming looking for you!!!  Of course, I'd probably have to take a number and get in line, wouldn't I?  You have a beautiful heart and you're very insightful into what makes for a good relationship, and you're a cutie, too!!!

Sorry, Lucinda, that I hi-jacked your thread and turned it into a "I love RichardMel" thread.  Okay, back to the topic at hand...

[monrein]

I think RMel should auction himself off to the highest IHD bidder. 

[Lucinda]

RichardMel,
You are a true sweetheart.  If Marvin ever gets mad and leaves me, I'm coming looking for you!!!  Of course, I'd probably have to take a number and get in line, wouldn't I?  You have a beautiful heart and you're very insightful into what makes for a good relationship, and you're a cutie, too!!!

Sorry, Lucinda, that I hi-jacked your thread and turned it into a "I love RichardMel" thread.  Okay, back to the topic at hand...

No problem with RichardMel stealing this thread.  I adore him as well.  If I was just 10 years younger then maybe my hubby would be the one in BIG trouble!!!!


Edited: Fixed quote tag error - okarol/admin

[RichardMEL]

What's truly hilarious about the love-in for me and saying I have all this insight into relationships and stuff that if you actually saw the train wreck that is my love life, and history with women you'd truly think otherwise!!

Take for example the last ex. We dated for over two years - the last year of which was spent by her in China - something I absolutely supported (she went there to teach English to kids) and I felt it would be an amazing opportunity for her to take up etc and I was totally behind it even though obviously I would miss her like crazy, and because of dialysis I couldn't even fly over and spend time with her. Anyway so that was OK.. we survived the year(or so I thought) chatting on line, emails, letters etc.. until she came back and we spent one night together and the next day I took her for her first visit to the dialysis unit (she claimed she wanted to see.. which I thought was good since I never pushed that aspect of things onto her).. Well after that she became more and more distant only responding to messages/texts when I sent them and not even responding to my affection, so when I had enough of that after a few weeks and asked her to have lunch with me in person to a) see her and b) talk properly she basically went silent and didn't even bother to return my messages.. and that was that!! Dumped without even an explanation or anything!!

So this "guru of relationships" has a long way to go I can assure you....

Hey that's a good point about Lucinda's husband.... has he even considered (or talked about offering) to be tested and/or donate? Live donations will be accepted up to age 65ish i think obviously depending on the health of the donor (which may be an issue - I don't know) but it's an interesting point and funny if an ex would offer to do something the current love wouldn't.

Having said that there is an element of fear involved and I believe my own sister was too fearful (not sure why) to offer for some years. I think it took the reality of seeing me on dialysis and what I had to go through and everything - and then our brother being tested (and rejected) for her to come forward... It's certainly not like giving some money or something... giving an organ is a very personal and special gift and not something anyone would do lightly.

[kellyt]

I vote...no, I DEMAND that RichardMel post a close-up photo of his handsome self.  RichardMel, you have just (unwillingly) signed up for a FREE dating service compliments of IHD.  We will find you a mate, mate.

At least post a close-up....

[RichardMEL]

I vote...no, I DEMAND that RichardMel post a close-up photo of his handsome self.  RichardMel, you have just (unwillingly) signed up for a FREE dating service compliments of IHD.  We will find you a mate, mate.

At least post a close-up....

NO!!!! people on this site are sick enough already. I will not contribute to more nausea, vomiting and other unwanted side effects!!!!

 

[G-Ma]

Awwwww..come on RM...picture please....my vision does not allow me to see your features on that little picture....we all want to see your eyes..they are the windows of the soul and I believe your's will be gorgeous....do NOT blame yourself for your ignorant EX...good thing she is an ex or I would have to talk to her...if someone is commited to another one they share the good, bad and in between...and we all definately live in the in between...I feel good most of the time now but just in another world from other people...tonight honey called and we of all things discussed PureFlow and how to start a batch..this is the man who was against NxStage...so there...wow I just derailed this thread..sorry...Lucinda...want me to give your hubby a talking to? I'll be happy to....all we want is what is best for you and that is what he should want as well.
Ann

[RichardMEL]

My eyes are difficult to see in pics because of my glasses but trust me they are dead dull boring BROWN!!!!!

Now if I had eyes like the sexy Angela515........

[KarenInWA]

My eyes are difficult to see in pics because of my glasses but trust me they are dead dull boring BROWN!!!!!

Now if I had eyes like the sexy Angela515........

Sorry Richard, but your personality is WAY too cheeky for your eyes to be dead dull boring brown!  Brown eyes CAN be sexy, and most ARE sexy, especially when they belong to bright, flirty, fun personalities like yours!  But, your humbleness is also part of your charm   Hate to break it to ya, but, you DA MAN!!!     

[RichardMEL]

You want my ex's number to tell her that? LOL (Not that I want her back mind you... just to be mean hehe).. maybe you could tell Lucinda's hubby too!!! lmao!

[kellyt]

Did you not read my post properly?  I said I DEMAND you post a close-up photo.     

[paris]

AlohaBeth LOVES brown eyes!    Ok, ladies, stand back!  I have been trying to hook RichardMelt my heart with one of my daughters for months!   If that doesn't work out, I have offered to adopt him.  He thinks he might me a tad too old to adopt, but, it is worth thinking about.   Although, Lucinda is the closest in distance, so she has first crack at him.  I have thought about trying to clone him.  Then we would all have our own RichardMelt My Heart     

Back to Lucinda,  My husband wouldn't be keen on the idea of an ex's kidney inside of me.   I think men have a harder time with all of that.   

[RichardMEL]

Well Paris you know I think AlohaBeth is pretty cute so....

uh oops... uh this thread is about Lucinda right? yes... that's right...

yes.. let's talk about that

 

PS: Clone me?? are you CRAZY??? Not only would that mean another person with kidney failure in the world but... the mind boggles.. you know Star Wars: The Clone Wars? Man that would have nothing on the panic and mass hysteria that would ensure should I be cloned....

[Lucinda]

No.....No....RichardMel's love life is so much more interesting!!!!  Hey Paris.....distance is only what you make it. Never say never...... (I love this little guy)  No.....I'm not calling you "little",  Rich.....I am talking about the little bloke on the guitar.  Damn, you are so sensitive. 

[thegrammalady]

leave it to us to find something funny  in a very serious thread.(yes i too have a crush on richardmel) lucinda, if i haven't said it before it's good to have you back. just my  if someone told me i couldn't have the operation necessary to save my life, because they didn't like the surgeon or the donor or the whatever, then they'd probably be on the way out, but that's just me. i am after all an extremely opinionated, stubborner old biddy! the reason my husband and i are no longer together is because he left my developmentally disabled son alone because he didn't want to come home (i had a job interview) he was selfish and i don't deal well with selfish people. and that was the straw that broke the camels back. anyway it isn't an easy decision, but one you might have to make one day. your life shouldn't be lived in pain, or fear or danger because of someone Else's selfishness.

[RichardMEL]

It IS totally awesome to have Lucinda back with us

[paris]

I second that, Richard!  Lucinda, you have been missed greatly!