Medical question, not about dialysis

[Yvonne]

Not quite sure where to ask this question, but here goes. As i have said before John has had one kidney removed, his bladder and prostrate all with cancer last year. Although they have fitted him with a fistula ready for when he may need it he is feeling so much better now.  My question is should he still be able to have an erection? Also would he be able to take Viagra?
Nothing has happened for 2 years now, and we don't talk about it.  Too embarrassed to ask the doctor and I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, do I sound very selfish??? 









EDITED: Moved to other severe medical conditions area-kitkatz,moderator

[rose1999]

No Yvonne you don't sound selfish, you sound like a lady who loves her husband and still wants to have sex with him! - all natural and not selfish at all.  Wish I could answer your question but I can't.  I'd suggest you pop and see your doctor or practice nurse for a chat about this, you could go alone if John is too embarrassed or won't go - because it's as much an issue for you as for him.  I'd say he can take Viagra but I'm not sure if removing the prostate will mean it won't work anyway.

You're a brave lady to even ask the question, good luck - hope you soon have the answer.

[jbeany]

Don't be embarrassed to ask your doc!. If you have trouble bringing it up, cut one of the viagra ads out of a magazine, hand it to the doc and ask if it would work for your hubby.  That should get you on topic without you having to figure out how to bring it up.  This is a quality of life issue, and those are important!

[Meinuk]

Yvonne, I know how difficult it can be, but try to talk about it with your husband.  Not communicating with each other can build an emotional estrangement. You can look also for subtle signs, often, men have involuntary erections while they sleep, and then there is (fairly common) early morning arousal.  But that is just performance.  Sex is so much more than intercourse.

Depending on your level of activity before he got sick, you may be entering new territory.  There is a lot that you can do to enjoy each other physically.  But you have to communicate.  Sometimes just physical touch can communicate so much - let him know that you want him in any capacity possible.  A hug or a caress.  When you are in a relationship you can develop a physical language.  I know that this seems to come so easy when a relationship is new, but even now, after all these years, with so much water under the bridge, communicate to him that you still love him and want him.

Being sick can sap your self esteem and sometimes it is hard for a person to realize that they can still be seen in a sexual light.  Sometimes, you have to remind them.  Ease yourself into the Viagra route, first start with physical communication. If you just show up with a bottle of pills, he may take it as an admission of failure.  Men's egos seem to be centered at the penis.  When really, there are other body parts that can be just as satisfying.  We women just sometimes need to gently guide them through the process.

[Yvonne]

Thanks for the contact, John has some Viagra pills he got from the doctor a couple of years ago, and I never ever wanted him to use them, I had read some news that they could bring on a heart attack.  So I always said I was not bothered about that side of the marriage. He still has these pills sitting in his drawer and still I am frightend of him taking them, even more so now after all his big operation. I am still not that bothered about that side of the relation ship,  and John is always saying he loves me, but I find it hard to love him back, it has gone on for such a long time now.  I just count myself as his nurse, and feel sorry for him.  I wish I could turn back the years bye 5, I do think I am selfish but can't change the way I feel I wish I could