Maybe I don't understand?

[Brightsky69]

Ready to trade in the BF

Ok…my BF is a good guy. He was totally there for me when I was on dialysis. He held my hand through it all. Ok…so now I have my transplant, things are good.

If I do anything to bother him or offend him, I have no problem apologizing. I will say I am sorry - boom done, right? Let’s move on. Oh but NO…he feels the need to lecture me as if I am a child. He has taken to doing this several times now. I will usually apologize again. At first I was thinking, ok maybe I didn’t come across as sincere or something. I usually end up walking out of the room. To avoid me cussing him out. BUT this has begun to happen often. As you can tell I am getting seriously tired of it.

He is selling his house and actually building another one. So I can understand him being under stress. Still that is no excuse to treat me as your verbal punching bag. 
Today he was complaining about how his chest hurt. I told him it was stress. His blood pressure was 120/63 way better than  mine.
I don’t get it…you’re supposed “soul mate” was struggling on dialysis for two years. Got a transplant….all major stress stuff. And yet he went on about his life like no problem.  Had no problem hanging out with his friends. Doing whatever.
And yet something as every day as selling a house has him all freaked out and lashing out.
Maybe it’s me….I don’t know. Your “soulmate” has a life threatening condition and you don’t worry a thing about it. Yet selling your house gives you chest pains?   

[Rerun]

You don't need him as much anymore.  He seems to like "taking care" of you and now you are better.  Maybe get some counseling?  It is not just for serious problems but for learning how to communicate better.

Just a suggestion.

[Brightsky69]

I think you hit the nail on the head.....a need for communication.

[ToddB0130]

Sorry if I'm reading this the wrong way .... but it sounds like you're resentful of what he *didn't* do for you in the past (in terms of being supportive enough while you were on dialysis, during and after transplant).  Have I got that wrong ??  If so,  sorry !

I agree that you need to talk more about whatever the current issues are (and any from the past that you might think you "slid under the carpet").   Relationships are a lot of hard work.  If you live together and have enough space to 'go to a neutral corner',  then keep doing that.  But talking about what is bothering you is the key.  And telling him when you feel he's not supportive or is overprotective is also important ("in the moment" ....when you can use a practical example and say "This is the kind of thing I was mentioning earlier that sometimes hurts my feelings....")

Good luck !!

[Brightsky69]

Yeah... I think the main problem is communication. We normally get along 90% of the time but when things do happen we both seem to let things fester.
But...I am hoping we are working on it. Yesterday we went for a nice walk and actually were able to talk without getting on each others nerves. We both made resolutions to be more positive in our everyday life. Not dwell on the negative.

[natnnnat]

When we married in 2009, my father made a speech (as they do).  He said, its easy to get annoyed with someone if you are with them all the time.  If you want to stay in love with someone, always concentrate on what you love about them, what they're good at, and what you admire.

[lmunchkin]

When we married in 2009, my father made a speech (as they do).  He said, its easy to get annoyed with someone if you are with them all the time.  If you want to stay in love with someone, always concentrate on what you love about them, what they're good at, and what you admire.

Your father was a very Wise Man!  Good Advise!  Yea, married couples have problems too, but you work through it and become stronger. I always told myself "not to think too much".  Let me tell you, I could make a mountain out of a mole hill!  lol  You guys talked and thats is all you can do! Just keep the lines of communication open.  Besides, the Make-ups can be wonderful!!!


lmunchkin
 

[Brightsky69]

Nat - I am working on that...hard. Just thinking of all the good things, thing I admire about him. Whew!