intro from scyankee

[scyankee]

Wow! Can't believe I found this website. This is my first time ever going on a message board.
Good work Epoman.
I feel like I am seeing myself in KitKatz.  I too, am the blacksheep of DaVita. Eight months,6 days in hell.  I thought I was
the only one who had these feelings about the center.  Silly me!
My husband has a hard time dealing with this even though we knew about this 31 years ago and thought (naively) that I
had another 20 years til this sh-t started.  I was against dialysis then and am still. Had my arm infiltrated 6 times and had to
stop going to let my arm rest and heal.  Had suicidal thoughts back in January and got one doctor to let me go down to
2 days a week.  My arm will never stop hurting. I am always in agony during dialysis and very sore on the other days and
then it starts all over again.
I HATE DIALYSIS, I CURSE THE MAN THAT INVENTED THE MACHINE.

[hyperlite]

hahaha yeah Dialysis does suck, but you "curse the man that invented the machine"? That's a pretty bold statement...seeing as how that man basically saved your life. I'd definitely say that I hate dialysis, but on the other hand I am thankful that there is such thing as dialysis...If you say you hate the man that invented the dialysis machine, you are basically saying that you wished he had never done so, and therefore you're wishing that there was no dialysis. So why not just stop going? You'd get the same result.

[goofynina]

Hi Scyankee and welcome to the best website regarding this matter.  I am sorry you've had such a bad time but i do agree with Hyperlite,  even though i hate dialysis,  i thank God it is there for me.  Have you ever thought of going on PD?   no more needles, no more infiltrating, no more going to the clinic (other than to have labs done)  I totally understand you hating it,  i was there one time too,   i was on Hemo for 3 years and now i am on PD and i wish i would've made the decision to go on PD long ago.  Good Luck to you and i sure hope to see you here more often....WE ARE HERE FOR YA...

[scyankee]

I tried to stop going in January, like I said. The only help I got from one of the center doctor's were
1. see a psychiatrist and 2. go back to hemodialysis. PERIOD.
One of the tech's told me a true statement that the majority of patients would rather NOT be there
but that they are only there because of the family members that bring them!!!!!!

I WOULD STOP TOMORROW but my husband will not hear of it.
Everything that I read today about being a "hawkeye" is sooooooo true. One one hand I don't give
a crap what they do (maybe they will screw up and end my misery) and on the other hand it is not
my nature to just sit by.

I regret even being born.  I'm tired of having to been strong and for "rolling with the punches".

[kitkatz]

Been there, felt that way, too.  But keep going.  Put one foot in front of the other even if you think you can't.  Depression bites us all in the ass one time or another.  You just have to believe things are going to get better.  Lean into the love you and your husband have together.  Let him be strong while you are weak.  I have had to learn how to do this with my hubby.  We lean on each other and kind of stagger our way through life.

Katherine

[anja]

Welcome scyankee!  Where are you "transplanted" from?  I lived in NC for 3 years and found the humidity difficult to get used to...now am back in the Midwest and my hot flashes have taken over !
You have found the best site for people who care and are always there to share, advise, or just listen.
I have just celebrated one year on PD so cannot say I know what  you are going through, but that doesn't mean I don't care !  Come back often  I'm sure you have much to share also.  Best wishes, Anja

[Bajanne]

Welcome, scyankee.  I am so glad that you found us.  We share your feelings about dialysis, but we must say that we are grateful that there is a way to allow us to continue to enjoy those things that we do love - our family, friends, our country, etc.
Anyway, one thing you will always have here is the freedom to rant, rave and cuss (appropriate words of course).
But, pllease don't curse the man who invented the machine!  I need it.
Continue to read through those 6000 + posts that we have already.  Especially General Discussion and Frequently Asked Questions.  You can also explore the other forms of dialysis in other forums.
What about a transplant? Is that a possibility for you?  Check the transplant forum.
I am not too happy with your 2 day dialysis.  Is that really enough?
Looking forward to hearing from you.

[Epoman]

Wow! Can't believe I found this website. This is my first time ever going on a message board.
Good work Epoman.
I feel like I am seeing myself in KitKatz.  I too, am the blacksheep of DaVita. Eight months,6 days in hell.  I thought I was
the only one who had these feelings about the center.  Silly me!
My husband has a hard time dealing with this even though we knew about this 31 years ago and thought (naively) that I
had another 20 years til this sh-t started.  I was against dialysis then and am still. Had my arm infiltrated 6 times and had to
stop going to let my arm rest and heal.  Had suicidal thoughts back in January and got one doctor to let me go down to
2 days a week.  My arm will never stop hurting. I am always in agony during dialysis and very sore on the other days and
then it starts all over again.
I HATE DIALYSIS, I CURSE THE MAN THAT INVENTED THE MACHINE.

WOW that's a BOLD statement, I created I HATE DIALYSIS and even I don't curse the man that invented the machine. Thanks to him I was able to live to have a wonderful, healthy, smart son who means the world to me. Oh shit now I am sounding to positive, shhhhh! don't tell "goofynina" or "amber_79". 
But anyway welcome, I'm glad you founf this site.

- Epoman
Owner/Admin

[goofynina]

Awwwww Epoman,  you ol' softy, i knew you had it in you to have a little positivity in you...I am glad i founf this site too (i think) lol,  Epomaaaaan, you didnt use your spellcheck....tsk tsk tsk...  j/k Big Guy

[Rerun]

SCyank.  I just saw your post.  Hey, I've said more than once that "I wish dialysis wasn't an option."  I'm with you.  I hate it so much that I wish it wasn't there.  I'd quit too, but there is just some innate will to live.  I'm in a war that can't be won, but if there were no battleship.......

Welcome to the site.  Please post more.  You and I have a lot in common. 

[Mom3]

Is hemo your only option? Needles are not for everyone!

And can you take any type of anti-depressive med and have you asked your doctor about that? My energise you to explore options! Good luck. As a family member of a patient, as well as a kidney patient, don't underestimate how you mean to other people. I have to battle depression sometimes myself. I take St John's Wort to the dismay of all my doctors.

Try to be grateful for whatever good you find in life, as hard as it can be. Is the sc part for SC??

[angieskidney]

I have to battle depression sometimes myself. I take St John's Wort to the dismay of all my doctors.

St. John's Wort? I thought that conflicted with the medication somehow. Does it? Or do the docs just want you to spend money on their drugs only? I am not sure about that. As far as I have heard it conflicts with something and that was the reason why.

[hephziba]

Hello scyankee. I dislike capd I loathe Haemo so I kind of know what you mean, But surely there is enough Good left in your life for you to endure the crap, I mean enough to make fighting worth it.

No I personally couldn't wouldn't have cursed the dude who invented dialysis, or my wife would be a widow with a broken heart at 26, which is my worst nightmare. well welcome to the site, and hope you get what you need here, Ive found everyone hear really encouraging and real, in talking about the ins and outs of dialysis.