Dating and social interation with Dialysis Techs and Nurses

[marti824]

i have  little problem with this.  here are to nurses at my center that I have been out to dinner with.  (we are all female, no dating involved)  and one of them actually got written up for socializing with a patient.  really, whose business is it who I go to dinner with?  it's not like i get any special treatment from this person,  I'm still the last one o the machine, because that is my time, and the needles hurt just as much.   She didn't pay for my dinner and I didn't pay for hers.  I think its totally unfair of her supervisor to make a big deal of this.  so now, we just don't mention it in center, we meet secretly for our food!

[RichardMEL]

i have  little problem with this.  here are to nurses at my center that I have been out to dinner with.  (we are all female, no dating involved)  and one of them actually got written up for socializing with a patient.  really, whose business is it who I go to dinner with?  it's not like i get any special treatment from this person,  I'm still the last one o the machine, because that is my time, and the needles hurt just as much.   She didn't pay for my dinner and I didn't pay for hers.  I think its totally unfair of her supervisor to make a big deal of this.  so now, we just don't mention it in center, we meet secretly for our food!

I think it's great you get on so well with some of your nurses - and going out would be fun. 

I think the issue though is that it's as much about perception as reality. Let's say someone ELSE knows you're going out for a meal with nurse X. They might then think you WOULD get special treatment (even though you don't) and could cause headaches. The other issue is I think that there does need to be some kind of ethical line because they are care givers - sort of like teachers and students in a school. It's a really difficult one when we're all adults and specially when everyone gets on well it can be difficult.

I've not gone out with any of my nurses(I mean on a social level, no dating!!!) because while they're happy to share food and drink at the unit (we've done NYE celebration after all the other patients have gone and I had some french bubbly ) I think doing something social might be a bit too much.

Having said that the minute I am NOT a patient we've all agreed that I'm taking them out to lunch at my favourite restaurant  

[KICKSTART]

Not a problem for me at our unit .They are all female , ugly and miserable ! 

[sumodidit]

yeah I understand where Richard comes from. My thing is that I see these people like every other day. I use to be really quiet and they all use to wonder about me cause I would tend to myself and just get treatment and go home. They had admitted to me that they were scared of me cause I was so quiet. It click in my head to start talking to these people because since these people tended to my treatment I wanted to see who were the best people to deal with cause I have seen my share of slackers I need to avoid for anything to do with treatment(I think everyone would agree with that). As I started talking to them I got to know them on a professional basis and plus doing time in treatment is so boring I started conversating with everyone patients and staff. my relationship evolved from a professional to personal to the point where I would hang out with a few of them, feed me lunch during treatment, even got cool with the owner of the clinic. I have gained everyone's respect. Back to the young lady she is not on the floor. She is an office person. One day she came to my section and started talking to me and I was like wow what did I do to get her attention because the main walkway is on the opposite of the floor and I'm in the corner tuck way on the other side and to the back. At first I was like I just be friendly and speak but she would randomly come by more often and talk to me passing up the 30 other patients around me on the floor and not even say hi to any of them. I got the impression she like me too. cause I cant just walk up to her say hi. I'm plug up....LOL!!!!

Long story short now I'm at the point to where I would talk to her if she talks to me first. I just try to be respectful but after her brushing me off I feel pretty uncomfortable talking to her. I have accepted the idea that trying to pursue something with her is not going to happen, but that little conversation with her here and there makes me feel like there sometimes, maybe, my spidey senses tell me I should keep on trying. Maybe I dreaming that unattainable dream. I just recently came with my own personal life's theory "The harder I try to live a normal life, the more I learned that I am disabled". In regards to that just the impact of having esrd and going through dialysis is alot to inhale but to trying to live a normal life from dating, socializing, anything and everything we have to prepare twice as hard or even more to make steps forward in life.

[RichardMEL]

yeah I understand where Richard comes from. My thing is that I see these people like every other day. I use to be really quiet and they all use to wonder about me cause I would tend to myself and just get treatment and go home. They had admitted to me that they were scared of me cause I was so quiet. It click in my head to start talking to these people because since these people tended to my treatment I wanted to see who were the best people to deal with cause I have seen my share of slackers I need to avoid for anything to do with treatment(I think everyone would agree with that). As I started talking to them I got to know them on a professional basis and plus doing time in treatment is so boring I started conversating with everyone patients and staff. my relationship evolved from a professional to personal to the point where I would hang out with a few of them, feed me lunch during treatment, even got cool with the owner of the clinic. I have gained everyone's respect. Back to the young lady she is not on the floor. She is an office person. One day she came to my section and started talking to me and I was like wow what did I do to get her attention because the main walkway is on the opposite of the floor and I'm in the corner tuck way on the other side and to the back. At first I was like I just be friendly and speak but she would randomly come by more often and talk to me passing up the 30 other patients around me on the floor and not even say hi to any of them. I got the impression she like me too. cause I cant just walk up to her say hi. I'm plug up....LOL!!!!

OK this is cool. First thing - I think it's important to interact with the staff in your unit. As you say we see them many hours per week - I think some of the staff doing 12 hour shifts etc see US in a week more than their own families(sometimes!) and that's pretty scary.. but clearly this is an area where more than most others there's a real sense of community and even at times family - often these "relationships" will go on for years as we all have treatment for so long so clearly you get to know them and care about (some of) them and vice-versa. I am certain a lot of the nurses in my unit like me and actually care what happens to me (outside of their direct influence) - they often come to me and mention how they can't wait for me to get a transplant and all that - and it's definitely said in a way as though they want it for me - not that they want to get rid of me!!!   It is much easier to get on with the staff when you know them and they know you absolutely.

As for the girl - that's a bit different to how I read your last post... yes, it seems clearly she had(has?) a bit of a special interest in you - and absolutely since she wasn't a nurse then sure there's no issue there that I can see - since she's not related to your direct treatment I wouldn't see any kind of issue with you two going out.......

Long story short now I'm at the point to where I would talk to her if she talks to me first. I just try to be respectful but after her brushing me off I feel pretty uncomfortable talking to her. I have accepted the idea that trying to pursue something with her is not going to happen, but that little conversation with her here and there makes me feel like there sometimes, maybe, my spidey senses tell me I should keep on trying. Maybe I dreaming that unattainable dream. I just recently came with my own personal life's theory "The harder I try to live a normal life, the more I learned that I am disabled". In regards to that just the impact of having esrd and going through dialysis is alot to inhale but to trying to live a normal life from dating, socializing, anything and everything we have to prepare twice as hard or even more to make steps forward in life.

As I wrote earlier I think this is sensible given her going a bit hot and cold on you and mentioning the boyfriend. There could be any number of reasons - the simplest of which is that she started chatting to you and was single, and since got together with someone. There's no real way to know without directly asking her (and even then the answer may or may not be accurate). So, follow your instincts about it. I think what you're doing now sounds fine to me. I hope it works out OK for you one way or the other. It's no fun thinking you have a shot then getting hurt.

Hang in there!