Pastor receives gift of kidney from brotherLINDA CONNER LAMBECK lclambeck@ctpost.com
Article Last Updated: 03/24/2008 12:17:40 AM EDT
The Rev. Stanley Lord can urinate again.
It's not something the 47-year-old Bridgeport resident is anxious for the world to know, but it's the first thing he blurted out when asked how things have changed since he received a healthy kidney from his twin brother, Stuart, nearly four months ago.
He can also walk three full laps around the Westfield Trumbull mall, upstairs and down. Although anxious to return to the gym, lifting free weighs will have to wait. Doctor's orders.
"My time is free. I'm not tied to a machine for four hours a day," said Lord, referring to the dialysis treatments he needed before the kidney transplant.
His words are punctuated by a belly laugh that echoes in his sparsely furnished Lenox Avenue apartment. Other than a widescreen television, the most prominent feature in the living room is a picture of his brother, and Stuart's wife, Adderly, on their wedding day.
Now, Lord no longer has to plan his life around the daily sessions with a dialysis machine.
He's gained weight. He is down to just four pills of anti-rejection medication daily. He is busy putting out applications for pastorships and was a guest preacher at a New Haven church on Palm Sunday.
His brother, Stuart C. Lord, is back in his post as dean and associate provost at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. He returned to work part time six weeks ago, and full time two weeks ago.
"Everything feels comfortable. All systems go," said Stuart, who admits his donation of a
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kidney to his fraternal twin did not exactly go as planned.
Stanley was up and out of the hospital three days after the surgery last Nov. 13. Stuart developed a bowel obstruction that led to a 40-day hospital stay, another operation and lots of pain.
"It was more than I bargained for. The kidney part was great. No problem with the transplant. It was 100 percent successful," said Stanley.
The obstruction, he said, happens to about one in 1,000 patients.
"People ask me, would I do it again. I have told people that I would do it all over again and not change one second of it. It was a wonderful growing and learning experience for me," he said.
Stuart's lengthy hospital stay helped him put things in perspective. "I've learned about what really matters in my life. Family matters. Friends matter. It matters that I reaffirmed how many good people I do have in my life," he said.
He learned to enjoy the moment. Attitude is a choice. "I choose happiness," he said.
The brothers, though fraternal twins, were a 100 percent tissue match, making Stuart an ideal donor for Stanley. But Stanley never asked his brother for a kidney. He didn't have to.
The twins grew up in a foster home in New Rochelle, N.Y., and did not meet their biological mother until they were in college.
But they had a network of teachers, clergy and extended family for support. Both were athletes, which helped them get into college on track scholarships.
Stanley went to Kansas University and later transferred to Iona, where he earned a degree in business administration. Stuart went to Texas Christian University on his road to academia.
In 2000, Stanley, who is single and has no children, developed high blood pressure and began to lose weight. An ultrasound showed one of his kidneys was smaller than the other. It stopped functioning the way it should.
He went on peritoneal dialysis at home. That didn't work so well. He then switched to hemodialysis, which required trips to the hospital.
On dialysis, Stanley was able to work for a time, first in the personnel department for the Bridgeport school system, then as a local director for the state's Alternative Route to Teacher Certification Program. He coached track in Stamford.
Eventually, he went on disability, but kept up duties as assistant to the pastor at Faith Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church in Stamford. There, he set up Bible studies and directed the Seasoned Adult Ministry.
His pastor was the first person Stanley called when he woke up in the recovery room after surgery.
Stuart had his own support system, although his wife, Adderly, was away at the time of the surgery, attending to the final steps to adopting a baby, Chloe, from the Caribbean island of St. Vincent.
She checked in by phone constantly. Friends from as far back as high school visited.
When Stanley was released from the hospital, he moved into a hotel across the street so he could be close to his brother. He spent days with Stuart.
It was hurtful to watch Stuart in pain, Stanley said. "It was not comfortable for him at all. I'm fine, technically, but I'm feeling bad because he's feeling bad."
Stuart said his prolonged recovery also gave him the chance to say goodbye to his kidney. "I never asked my kidney if it was OK if I gave it away," he said.
Stuart was finally released from the hospital the Saturday before Christmas. A week earlier, Adderly returned with Chloe, then 22 months old.
"He couldn't pick up the baby. But I could. She'd look at me, then look at Stuart. I'd say, 'Who's your daddy,' " laughed Stanley. "I'd tell her I'm uncle daddy."
Chloe, who just turned 2, knows who her daddy is now. "I come home. She hears the door. She yells out, 'Daddy!' I can't wait to get home each night," said Stuart.
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