Breakdown ?

[petey]

Hang in there, KS !  And, YOU take care of YOU !!  You are the most important person in that loop, as far as I'm concerned.  Thinking about you and sending up a few prayers for you!

[Romona]

 

[paris]

Hope tomorrow is a better day 

[rookiegirl]

Hi KT,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this emotional roller coaster.  No one deserve this, especially you.  I know how family can be so stubborn and set in their ways.  Some just will not change no matter what.  But always remember, you have control of you.  YOU ARE THE BOSS OF YOU.  Sometimes our emotions take hold of us, but be strong and like what everyone said, take time for yourself and try not to worry about your Mum and brother.  I know easier said than done, but you must try for your own sake.

Rookiegirl

[cris]

Kickstart, yes you are guilty! guilty of the enormous love you have for your family. And that is something amazing in you, no matter what, you're checking on your Mom, and that is superb my dear. Just keep the love in you, the love that does not wait for anything in return. You need to be strong for yourself and for the family that you love so much. In a way, you are much in luck than your brother, You have a life of your own, you don't cling to anyone else, and that is outstanding of you. Breathe, keep a distance for a while but don't lose the love. WE LOVE YOU! don't forget that.

[rose1999]

I hope today is a better day for you.  The local support group sounds like a great idea, I'm sure you'll feel better after that coffee and chat.  One thing I must say is that if you join the group I know you will be a massive support to the others there too, it will be their lucky day 
Sending a big hug to help you through today 

[Wattle]

Hey KS,

Just checking in on you. I hope today has been better and you are feeling stronger. I hope the coffee meeting went well.     

[KICKSTART]

Good morning guys, i cant say i slept well because everything was going over and over in my mind. I spoke to the lady from the support group and something has come up so we cant meet till thursday now. But the group sounds just the tonic i need . We had a quick chat on the phone this morning and she totally understands what im going through. Im still going to go ahead and try to get to see a councillor. The question is now i have to decide what to do about my family. Its going to be difficult to keep a distance between us as my mum will be funny with me if i say i need some space ,it will be all or nothing i think , i get the choice of making myself available 24/7 or dont bother at all. This is how my mum is , if i dont ring every day then im being funny . I really am going to throw myself into the support group , they have all sorts of fun meetings and events , but of course my mother will think i got some 'new friends' and make me feel guilty,so i wont be able to share it with her. Even though i dont get any support , it will be ..huh you dont need me now you got this group. How do i deal with this guys ?

[CW]

Hello Kickstart,

I agree with Sluff you need to be focused on YOU. It is important that you take care of yourself because you see that you are not getting help from your family. I do think seeking professional help was an excellent idea, talking to a professional can be very helpful. The support group idea is also perfect for your situation, you are making great decisions to help yourself go with that instinct and focus on YOU. The people around you will need to learn you are important too and accept what you are doing as necessary.

Take care and be well 

CW

[Sluff]

Good morning guys, i cant say i slept well because everything was going over and over in my mind. I spoke to the lady from the support group and something has come up so we cant meet till thursday now. But the group sounds just the tonic i need . We had a quick chat on the phone this morning and she totally understands what im going through. Im still going to go ahead and try to get to see a councillor. The question is now i have to decide what to do about my family. Its going to be difficult to keep a distance between us as my mum will be funny with me if i say i need some space ,it will be all or nothing i think , i get the choice of making myself available 24/7 or dont bother at all. This is how my mum is , if i dont ring every day then im being funny . I really am going to throw myself into the support group , they have all sorts of fun meetings and events , but of course my mother will think i got some 'new friends' and make me feel guilty,so i wont be able to share it with her. Even though i dont get any support , it will be ..huh you dont need me now you got this group. How do i deal with this guys ?

The best way to handle this is to call her check in and when things start to go the way you don't want them to go, just say someone else is calling, or someone is at the door, or something on the stove and you need to go...we"ll talk later goodbye. That way your not being rude or telling her about everything.

[Joe Paul]

Good morning guys, i cant say i slept well because everything was going over and over in my mind. I spoke to the lady from the support group and something has come up so we cant meet till thursday now. But the group sounds just the tonic i need . We had a quick chat on the phone this morning and she totally understands what im going through. Im still going to go ahead and try to get to see a councillor. The question is now i have to decide what to do about my family. Its going to be difficult to keep a distance between us as my mum will be funny with me if i say i need some space ,it will be all or nothing i think , i get the choice of making myself available 24/7 or dont bother at all. This is how my mum is , if i dont ring every day then im being funny . I really am going to throw myself into the support group , they have all sorts of fun meetings and events , but of course my mother will think i got some 'new friends' and make me feel guilty,so i wont be able to share it with her. Even though i dont get any support , it will be ..huh you dont need me now you got this group. How do i deal with this guys ?

Good luck.

[Sluff]

After all if it came down to the bitter end of the world..who can you trust the most?  Yourself. If you can't, then you need to learn how to do that. The councelor will help with this. You are a survivor KS or you wouldn't be so upset and stressed over all this. Take care and keep us updated, we love ya girl.

[KICKSTART]

Well i feel totally washed out and drained now, i have spent all morning trying to track down a counselor to see and it looks like going through my doctor there is a 3 month waiting list..great isnt it.

[Sluff]

Well i feel totally washed out and drained now, i have spent all morning trying to track down a counselor to see and it looks like going through my doctor there is a 3 month waiting list..great isnt it.

Aww geez, thats like me I waited 4 months to get into a rhumatologist and got a scheduled appointment sometime in April. Now I find out I won't have health insurance in April.

I think JBeany said this once..tie a knot and hold on tight.

[petey]

I really am going to throw myself into the support group , they have all sorts of fun meetings and events , but of course my mother will think i got some 'new friends' and make me feel guilty,so i wont be able to share it with her. Even though i dont get any support , it will be ..huh you dont need me now you got this group. How do i deal with this guys ?

Share with us, KS!  We want to hear all about it!

[KICKSTART]

I really am going to throw myself into the support group , they have all sorts of fun meetings and events , but of course my mother will think i got some 'new friends' and make me feel guilty,so i wont be able to share it with her. Even though i dont get any support , it will be ..huh you dont need me now you got this group. How do i deal with this guys ?

Share with us, KS!  We want to hear all about it!

petey , i havent met the lady from the group yet , but just during our phone call this morning she gave me an idea of what things they get up too..ahem they have trip organized to go to the races , a big picnic in the park and dare i say a visit to a quite famous 'Drag queens club where they have a cabaret ..it all sounds so much fun ,something i havent had for such a long time! As i join the group and go to a meet , i will keep you updated on how i found it !

[Fumabella]

Dearest Kickstart:
I can relate somewhat to what your discussing here.
 Our world can get very small with health issues, our immediate family our only contact. When I returned from a 3.5 week stay in the hospital and had entered the realm of the "The Dailysis World" ... accompanied by my new companion, congestive heart failure (from the drugs administered to suppress my immune system). I was not only changed physically (not a muscle left), little energy, but high on prednisone and assorted heart medications ... it was a personal struggle and an ongoing nightmare.
 I had landed smack dab in the middle of everyone (I have four son's and a husband) trying not only to cope but also they had come face to face with the mortality of their mother. I had been the "force" in our home.
My eldest son went on a heroin binge and stoled our car ...  my husband wouldn't stay out of the my bedroom . I tried to sleep, with steroids that can be a challenge; I would awaken to my dear annoying husband holding a mirror under my nose as he routinely checked to see if I were still alive. Tempers flared and many regretful things were said.
All this to say "Our Condition" causes an emotional earthquake in our homes. Some family members are in denial, some are agitated and angry ... which is primarily a poor response to their  fear. Out of those circumstances come much strife. Yes, strife ... the very last thing we need. We don't always get what we need though.
A year later, I have found the journey eventually made me stronger and my gain has ultimately outweighed my losses. I am still on dialysis, have CHF and await a transplant.  Try to step back and not take it personally ... which I know is a tall order in the best of circumstances.
Your wise to seek counsel to sort out what's up and widen your perimeters bit by bit if you can. Make a "What I am grateful for" list. Even in these unspeakable trials there can be a silver lining somewhere. Take your thoughts captive and think on those things when times are hard. Be slow to speak as not to engage in dialog that can only deteriorate.
Take a walk if you can. I cried when the sun would hit my face ... put that on your grateful list. 
I will be praying for you Dear One.
Renee

[keefer51]

Dear Kickstart, I just wanted to relate to you some of what i always faced with my family. When i was 11 and was told i had only one kidney and that it was having problems it was the beginning of a nightmare that all of us share. My father dropped me off at the hospital. Thats right dropped me off. He didn't like hospitals so he brought me in and a nurse took me to my room. I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. i was so scared. I knew at that time i would have to deal with this alone. Today i am back on dialysis for four years. When i moved back home from Nashville it was really the best thing to do at the time. I have three brothers and two sisters and my parents are still alive. They don't ask much about me and i don't say much either. When i was married my ex couldn't stand the whole thing either. In case of emergency my oldest sister will take me to the hospital. Other wise i live in a small two bedroom apartment located in the back of my parents house. If something happens to me there they would know anything for a couple of days. So my point is i just did most of this always by myself. One time i told my mother during a very rare discussion;"Mom, you and dad and my brothers and sisters know maybe about 20% of my life."

[st789]

Wow, I can related to this feeling of alone.  Geez...my mom also toys with my emotions.

At this point, I just share my feeling with people who have experienced or training in dealing with patients like us.

I learn to take care of my body and mind first.  Everything else is secondary even if the sky is falling.