First meltdown.....

[karen547]

All day I was dreading dialysis for some reason- I was actually going to call and say I was not going to be able to make it, but didn't. I went to the grocery store to buy some bread and pick up my meds from the pharmacy. I came home and by this time it was after 4pm so I was already running behind since I am usually at the center by then. My mom drove me to my treatment and then I start to cry and cry! I tell her I cannot do this anymore and that I won't go inside. I reluctantly go inside and walk into the treatment area, and Tina a nurse sees me crying and comes over and asks me what is wrong. I tell her I am tired of being stuck with huge needles 3x a week, that I cannot stand that my left arm is nasty looking and i'm tired of ppl asking me why it looks like it does! Tina calms me down a bit and treatment starts. My mom calls my cell and asks me if I want anything to eat so I say yes please and she brings me a meatball sub, which I ate every bit of since that was my 1st meal of the day! I talk with Tina for quite a bit and find out that shes had a pretty hard 2007 as well. I don't know if any of you have had a meltdown like mine today but thanks for listening to my story and hope you all had/have a nice Thanksgiving weekend.

Karen P.

[kitkatz]

Melt downs are fine.  You did what you had to do. It sounds like your nurse/tech was understanding of your feelings.  Dialysis is not a picnic and is not for whimps!

[Sluff]

karen, you deserve a meltdown once in awhile. The life you are living is a hard one and until people have to do it they don't understand. We are here for you! Anytime Karen.   

[angela515]

Have a meltdown whenever you need one... it's picking yourself back up that shows how truly brave and strong you are hun. You 8are* brave and you *are* strong, and you *will* get through this one day at a time, one step in front of the other... Were for you and to listen anytime. 

[Adam_W]

I've had meltdowns myself when I was on in-centre dialysis. If anyone tells you to just "suck it up and deal with it", tell them to suck a lemon. This is not an easy life we have, and you have every right to cry, rant, cuss, or whatever you need to do. Like Sluff said, no one fully understands what we have to deal with until it happens to them. We're here for you 

Adam

[Mimi]

It's ok.  It is OK to have a meltdown.  This is where quality vs quantity of life comes in.  I am thinking AT 74? 
At 74 is this the way I want to spend the rest of my life?  Maybe if I was 44 or 54, but 74?  I have not started dyalysis
and I am not at all sure that I want to.  My family does not know this.  It would break their hearts to think I was
considering not going on with my life for whatever reason.  Wouldn't it be easier in the end to let nature take it's course?  It would for me, but what about them?  I wake up many mornings with my daughter or grandson sitting
in my room waiting for me to get up.  Get up, Mimi, it's time to get started with the rest of your life. So like you Karen, I will have a meldown, every now and then.  Then I get up and get on with the rest of my life.  For my family!

Love, Mimi 

[paris]

You have to have meltdowns. It reminds us how strong we really are.

Mimi,  I love "wake up Mimi, it is time to get started with the rest of your life"!   We need to greet everyday with that feeling.  I too, get through each day for my family.

[fluffy]

i had one a while ago too, i was in bed with my girlfriend and one minute i was fine the next thing you know im crying for close to an hour. I dont know why but i just felt like i could do it anymore. I've been depressed ever since then. my doctors put me on an antidepressant.... it dosent work

[KT0930]

We all have either had our own meltdowns or else are way overdue. You did exactly what YOU needed to do at the time, Karen. I'm sure your nurse has seen a lot worse. And not to worry, anyway. Just be grateful you have an understanding nurse who was willing to sit with you and that you have a place like IHD where we understand exactly what you're going through.

[Black]

... my doctors put me on an antidepressant.... it doesn't work

Call your doc first thing in the morning and tell them it is NOT working.  Maybe you haven't been on it long enough.   Maybe you are not on the right dosage.  Everyone's body chemistry is different.  Maybe it isn't the right one for you.  You may have to try several to find the right one for YOU.  Don't give up - antidepressants that work can be the difference between existing and living.