Family rant

[Deanne]

Rant mode on:

I was on sabbatical from work this fall (two months of paid time off). Everyone in my family knew for several months that I had my sabbatical time scheduled. They live in Minnesota, I live in Oregon. I went to visit my family in May.

Before my sabbatical started, my younger sister emailed with a suggestion that we meet up someplace. I jumped at the opportunity with a resounding "YES!" and gave her some suggestions. She never responded.

I spent my whole sabbatical time working on my house. I had to drag just about everything I own out to the garage, rip out my carpeting, tack strips, staples, remove baseboards, etc. I worked my tail off! During it, my mom asked regularly if I was planning a trip back to MN during my sabbatical. I reminded her I was there in May and it was their turn to come to visit me. She always said she was too old to travel.

The end of my sabbatical came. On the Sunday before I returned to work, Mom asked how it was going. I told her I'd still be painting for a long time since it would now have to be a weekend-only project. She said, "We should have come out to help you." I pointed out that I invited them repeatedly, but she always said she was too old to travel. Now that the opportunity is gone, she isnt too old anymore!? 

Back to my younger sister.... She has two vacations planned. One a family vacation to Mexico (understandable, but what happened to wanting to see her sister?) The other is a "girl-trip" next summer. She put it on Facebook that she wants to go to Napa Valley. I responded to her facebook posting that Portland is a nice travel destination. She suggests I join her and her friends in Napa Valley if it isn't very far from Portland (apparently geography isn't one of her strenghts). If she'd suggested I join them up-front instead of only inviting me after the fact, maybe I'd be interested, but it sounds like a "pity" invitation.

My brother has never been out to visit, but I'll cut him some slack because he also never hounds me to come back to see him.

My older sister keeps trying to tell me to come to visit, too, and I don't accept it from her very well, either. She can't afford to travel now, but when she did travel, she went to Florida a couple of years in a row to visit friends, but never out here.

So here's to them all! 

Rant mode off.

[thegrammalady]

sorry things aren't going better family wise.  i'll come visit  i feel bad that the last 2 times i was in corvallis, i didn't even call. i'll probably be around in jan or feb, we'll have to see what we can do.

[Deanne]

Thanks GrammaLady! Don't feel bad about not calling! I know you're very tied up with your family when you're in Oregon. When I go back to MN, it'd be impossible for me to meet up with anyone outside of the family. I'm kind of held hostage in a town of 600 there. I hope your Dad is doing ok.

[looneytunes]

Oh Deanne...how well I know your story.  My home has always been the gathering place for family and friends....that is up until hubby started dialysis.  Now it seems like it is THE place to avoid.  We both have family living withing a few hours of here and a lot of friends but it's only at holiday times that we have much company.   

[Deanne]

Your story is very sad looneytunes! Is it that they're fearful of catching kidney disease, or are they trying to make sure they don't burden you by visits? Do they at least stay in touch by phone / email?  either way!

I keep trying to figure out if it's something I've done / am doing to make them not want to visit, but I don't want to ask them about it because then if they did visit, I'd feel like I guilted them into it. I don't want anyone to visit me out of a sense of responsibility or guilt.

My sisters did both offer to donate, but I wonder if they assumed that this would mean I'd go there for the transplant and they'd change their minds when they found out the transplant would need to happen here. It isn't something I'll ever find out. My neph said my siblings are ruled out as donors because a genetic link has been discovered, making the the chance of recurrance too high.

[del]

Sounds like my family Deanne.  They don't come visit or call or contact me on facebook. Only time I even talk to them is when I make the effort.

[kitkatz]

Good grief!   

[looneytunes]

Agreed, Kit.  And Deanne, I did tell a few of them that ESRD is NOT contagious but the sarcasm didn't seem to register.  Yesterday a 24 yr old nephew who lives in this same area called, wanting to know if we had anyone deer hunting on our farm.  I told him no, we had decided not to allow hunting this year.  He said to me (with that whiny little voice) "not even family?"   I was so p@ssed off....what family?  We don't hear from him unless he wants something.  No offer to help cut wood for us, work cows, or anything else.  And he didn't even ask how his uncle was doing.....grrrr...

[okarol]

These same issues come up every year for me around the holidays. Family's can be so disappointing.
Embrace your good friends, the ones who really come through.
Make plans and have fun. That's what I am doing. (Trying my best anyway.)
 

[rsudock]

sorry to hear this deanna!!

[Joe Paul]

We can pick our friends but we cant pick our family......

[rsudock]

Just wanted to add something else about how inconsiderate families can be....for Thanksgiving dinner my mom says, "oh I made you pumpkin pie and lima beans..." and i looked at my mom and said, "ma I can't any of that stuff. is it too much to ask for you to try and understand the renal diet? we have been sick our entire lives...better late then never."  she said to send her some recipies and she'll look into it....so we'll see what christmas dinner will look like...finger crossed!