Anyone with kids with ADHD?

[angela515]

If so... I have some questions... and if not, but you know someone who does and you know some things about it... please feel free to respond... I am having trouble with my son.

[angela515]

 

[paris]

My children didn't, but having taught 4 yr olds for 18 years, I have had many in my classes.  We were fortunate that we were able to take classes ourselves to help the teachers.  For some reason, I was the one who always loved the ones with all the "energy"-  and it is always easier for the teacher to have all the patience rather than the mom who has the whole 24 hours to deal with--not just school time.  And you, Angela, have so much to deal with----health issues, school  AND being Mommy!!    That's what you are!

[angela515]

Awww so sweet paris!! 

I took my son to his Cub scout meeting last night, and I knew by that ime of night his medicine had worn off, and I couldn't give him more or he wouldn't go to sleep that night. He wasn't bad at the meeting, but he was VERY hyper and couldn't sit still and pay attention and focus on what was being said... I made an appt with his doctor for next week to discuss with her either changing his dosage around so he gets an extra small dose for the evening times, or a whole different med that lasts until bedtime. Until then, I'll just hand in there, the only thing that sucks is when he's like that, people don't know why, they just assume he is not listening and horsing around.. 

[paris]

Again, another thing people don't understand.  You may need to try several different meds and/or doses before you find the magic one.  Later in the day is usually the problem time. It has been a long day and they have been as good as they can, meds are wearing off and they are on overload.  It is tough being a kid some days!  He is lucky he has a Mommy who is getting the best care for him.

[Danally]

I have been teaching for 17-years and I have had a lot of children with ADHD. Let me know what you want to know and I will see if I can help you out.

[angela515]

I just wanna know some ways to help me focus and calm down when his medicine has worn off.

[Amanda From OZ]

Hey Angela, my mum works with a lot of kids with ADHD, i will ask her for some pointers she uses at work. 

[angela515]

Thanks hun!

[ODAT]

Hi Angela, I've dealt with ADD/ADHD since my youngest son 15 yo was 5 (seems to be the magic age for discovering this - btw, mostly by a kindergarten teacher who retired the next year). A small bit of background. He was officially evaluated, had counseling, and was seen by our family doctor.

5 yo - started 5mg of ritalin stayed on for two months - developed tics and it didn't seem to address problem teacher was having (according to her - very active, unfocused, disruptive). Went to Dexedrime for two months and found he was happier and didn't tic that much (teacher said SHE thought he did better on ritalin). I took him off and he didn't go back on till he was 8 - tried Concerta (didn't even get it down - son has problem swallowing and still does), then went to Adderall and he said he never really felt a difference but his 'social behavior' at school improved greatly. That was only for about 7 or 8 months. Stopped and again went back on Adderall at 12. He was always struggling with control, anger, and being able to focus (noises distracted him greatly especially when it was quiet during tests and he heard ANY noise from outside). Only stayed on it for a few months. I told my son we were done with meds. He is doing fine now. He's always been a good student academically. Gets along great with me and his brother. It's his dad he always bumps heads with. BTW, the tics when he was 5 went away a few months after stopping meds. He never got tics with any of the meds except ritalin.

When my oldest son (now 18) was 2, my husband would have him sit on his lap and the more he fussed and cried, the longer the sitting lasted. I was confused at this at first and then when my son went from crying and fussing to calm and laughing and talking - it made sense. Not saying this will work, but the next time your son gets upset - don't send him to time out, place him on your lap and hug him and calmly talk to him - not about what he did wrong but about how much you love him and try to discuss pleasant things he remembers doing. My husband did NOT do this with our younger son and there is a marked difference in both my son's dispositions. When the younger one gets mad he destroys things - nothing big, but if he is in his room he will crush his tissue box, break a pencil, or take the sheets off his bed. He is much better now (15) than he was up to the age of 9. My older son is very calm and even-tempered. I guess I would really believe this works if I see someone else do it and get results over time.

Dr. Edward Hallowell on Ritalin as a way to manage attention deficit:   "Is ADD med a cure? Absolutely not. But you learn compensatory strategies, habits while you're taking the medication that will carry over to when you're not taking the medication. So by allowing you to focus better, it allows you to better learn these strategies that we're trying to teach them. It just makes intuitive sense. If you turn up the lights in the room you can learn better than trying to learn in the dark."

I like what Dr. Hallowell said. It reminds me that while on meds, my son was able to “absorb” some of the lessons we had been trying to teach him all along. He did benefit in that way to meds. We were able to react better to him and his frustration level lowered. I would say that if any parent was struggling with this issue that they try to accomplish as much as possible in as little time on the meds as they can.   

I would say to try and put all the lessons into your child while he is accepting of it. It will trickle over into his down time at some point.

As far as focus and what you can do - patience. Don't sweat the small stuff. My husband made the mistake of latching onto something my son did and then made a mountain out of a molehill. Yes, it may be frustrating to let it go, especially for my husband who always thought 'I'm not letting him get away with this!' - but, it is worth it in the end. Things calm down faster if you realize that it is a behavior that is not an inherent trait in your child. I always tried to be very organized and gave him lots of structure and routine. It is not just that he is coming off the meds, it is that he is in an environment that allows so much freedom he doesn't know what to do with himself. In school, it is a very controlled place where he is expected to do certain things at certain times. My son had a set time for dinner, homework, bath, and storytime. The other thing that really made a difference for him was keeping less in his room, and always keeping it clean. It helped his brain unfog to see clearly in his little part of the world (his bedroom). Another thing I taught myself was to not let my husband's anxiety translate to me and that in turn would make me handle my son more aggressively. And we all know that the more aggressive you are with a child that is on his down time, the worse the situation can become.

I've written a book, but this subject is so near and dear to my heart. We've finally come through this as I think with maturity you can grow out of it. There are many people though who find out as adults that they have ADD/ADHD. It is a very illusive condition to wrap your arms around.

[angela515]

I have run into MAJOR problems... ughhhh.... it's really stressing me out. I posted this on an ADHD forum, but I would like your opinions as well. I will just copy/paste it as I posted it.

My son was dx'd with ADHD last year when he was in kindergarten. It was like night and day when he started his medication, in school, he started to be able to sit and do his class work without bothering other kids, he stopped hitting and biting and horsing around in school.. he started learning better due to being able to pay attention.

Now he is in 1st grade and a year later. He was put on Adderall XR for his first medication, and was on it until this year when it just wasn't working anymore and his teachers noticed he was starting to space off in class and not being able to pay attention anymore. He was then switched to Vyvanse for a few months and that wasn't working, and now he is on Medadate, for 1 week now. I don't really know if the new medicine is working yet as I give the teacher 2 weeks for it to kick in before I call them and ask if they noticed any changes in him.

The problem is this: At school, he is quiet, he is shy and he is a good kid. I found this out last week at parent teacher confrences. (Which was shocking...) At home, he is a brat (to put it nicely.). He comes out, he doesn't listen, he talks back, he throws tantrums if he don't get his way, he screams and says things such as "I hate you", "I hate everyone", "I won't do it", "NO!!!", and many more. It does not matter how you punish him, how long you put him in time out, or take away every single toy and video game, he continues to do it and just laughs about it. The minute he wakes up in the morning, he is BAD. Then at school he is good, quiet, shy.. and then he gets home from school, and again BAD all the way until he goes to bed at night.

I am at my wits end and I don't know if this is ADHD related or if it's a whole different problem such as maybe a behavioral problem? I can't get him in to his doctor until after the holidays and I don't know if I need to be calling a specialist or what for these issues. I am going to be video taping what he's doing to take with me so they know I am not exaggerating these problems, but any ideas on what I can do until I can get him seen? What could be going on?

This is emotionally draining and stressful... and I really am at the end of my rope and an't deal with this anymore.

HELP??

 

[Sluff]

The worst thing you can do is give in to temper tantrums. I am adhd and so is my son. You have a tough road ahead of you because there is no perfect solution. Instead of discipline( except for really bad things) try setting (very short) goals. In other words if you want him to pick up behind himself ask him nicely by giving him a goal like cookies or his favorite movie or whatever. The reason he is quiet and shy at school is because he is figuring them all out first. Once he knows where the little triggers are he will use them. Hope this helps, I have always said that all kids are gifted, they just open their gifts at different times.

I was 31 years old before I really learned how to interact with people correctly and I still slip occasionally. Behavior modification not necessarily discipline is needed here.

There is a test that can actually pin point the place in a persons brain that is affected by adhd or any other neurological problem and it will dictate which medication will work with almost 90% accuracy. It's new but I can not think right now. When my wife gets home from work tonight I will try and get it and post the name of the test so you can ask about it.

[paris]

The good thing is that he isn't acting out at school.  Home is his safe place, the only place he can let loose. Not always acceptable, but especially after school it is expected. He has been good all day and he has reached his limit.  You have to love him, even if he acts out---so you get the bad behavior.   You have so many things going on in your life. You must be on overload yourself!  I can only imagine how stressed you must be some days.   He is lucky to have a Mommy that is working so hard to get help for him and not think "he will grow out of it".  You are doing a great job, Angela.   

[skyedogrocks]

My son has ADHD, they say it is hereditary.  Unfortunately, we have no idea if his birthparents had it.  He takes Adderall XR and that seems to work for him.  He is in the 3rd grade.

Because his focus isn't like other kids at school, we have to come up with different ways for him to teach him  He is very, very smart, it just takes him longer to "get it".  His teacher and Rob & I have to explain schoolwork/homework a different way sometimes for him to be able to learn.  It takes a lot of time and patience.

When he does act up at home, he has consequences.  We NEVER hit him, never scream at him, but if he does something wrong, he will get a consequence like, early bedtime, no tv.  The one that has worked the best for us is writing.  If he has lied about something, I will make him write 1 page of I will not lie, and it has to be neatly done.  He really hates to do this.  We will also give him extra chores to if he acts up.  When he does good on tests or has a really great day of school, he will get good consequences.  We want him to know the good along with the bad.

School mornings can be taxing.  His meds haven't kicked in, he is tired, so he isn't the most focused kid.  So, I have written out for him what he needs to do each morning, so he doesn't have to wonder.  We also came up with house rules and have them posted in the kitchen.  He knows what he has to do each day.  If he does it all he gets a reward star.  He can save them up for a trip to the movies, picking out which restaraunt we go to on Saturdays, a dvd to rent, etc.  This has really worked well for us.

We do not let him watch a lot of tv.  Maybe an hour a day during the week.  The weekends we are a bit more flexible.  We put the radio on or he can read a book in his downtime.  We signed him up for Martial Arts, perfect for focusing!  Plus, he loves it.  We do not give him a lot of junk food, which was tough at first.  Now, he would rather have a healthy snack of fruit, yogurt, applesauce or peanut butter instead of chips, cookies or candy.  He is not allowed to have sugary cereal on school days, instead he can have oatmeal, a bagel, eggs, etc.  He can have one day on the weekend with junkie cereal. 

Hopefully my tips can help you out.  The more structure they have at home, the better it is for kids with ADHD.  He is so much happier these days once we did that. 

Oh, another thing I did was show him a list of famous people who have ADHD (there are a lot) and it made him feel much better about himself.  We told him he could do whatever he wanted to in life, just as these people did.  Some that come to mind are:  John F. Kennedy, Ty Pennington, Jim Carey, Robin Williams, Bill Gates.  Pretty neat huh?  I can't find my original list, but here's another http://www.adhdtexas.com/famouspeople.htm:  

Good Luck!

One last thing, have you brought your son to a Psychiatrist instead of his regular Dr.?

[angela515]

You have all been very helpful!

Sluff- I would love the name of that test so I can ask about it... that would be wonderful.

paris- Thank you. 

skye- Great advice. Speaking of Adderall XR, he was on that for almost the whole time and then this last time when they were going to up the dose, I had seen a commercial for a different medicine and I asked for him to be switched. Now that I am thinking really had about it.. that was only a few months ago and his behavior has been getting way out of control for about that long. I am going to probably first and foremost ask for him to be switched back to the Adderall XR and have them just up the dose, because he wasn't acting like this so maybe this was helping him truly.

I also love your ideas on the reward system. I am going to borrow that if you don't mind.  I like the idea of saving up the stars for a big reward such as movies and so on. I could use this with my daughter as well!

I do need to ween my son off junk food for snacks and so forth.. my daughter is big on fruit so she's not a junk food person, maybe if he eats what she eats he won't feel alone in eating them.

As for it being hereditary, his dad has ADHD.

Thanks again everyone.. I will try to get ahold of the doctor on Monday before the holidays. 

[Sluff]

Angela:

The test I was talking about is called the  SPECT test. A Doctor in McHenry Illinois does the testing and his name is Dr.Robert Kohn. Maybe you can gather information and see if a Doctor in your area can do it.

[angela515]

Thanks Sluff

[skyedogrocks]

Angela - So glad you liked some of my ideas, I hope they help your son! 

[angela515]

I switched my son back to his Adderall XR 15mg on Saturday morning. It was like a different child. My son was back. So,, I will call his doctor today and let her know that the last medicine didn't work and we should put him back on the Adderall XR he just may need his doze upped as she was going to do before.

So far, so good.