*sighs* I guess I'm a quitter ....

[Redbomb]

At least I tried.

I went through the three weeks of NxStage training and brought all my stuff home with high hopes.  I was able to do my needles just fine (that was what I was worried about), but in two days it was the little things that made me realize that I really can't do this alone at home.  I'm so glad my Parents were here!

Day 1, it was my own fault, but when I pulled out the needle, I missed the needle hole and had blood everywhere.  This wasn't a problem as I had my "drop cloth" but, if it Hadn't been for someone being here I would have never been able to get new gauze pads (the original one I had was SOAKED).

Day 2, I forgot to put a piece of tape on my arm so I could tape down the needle.  I had one needle in my arm (I remembered the tape for the first one) so there I was, holding a needle no gauze pad, no tape and when I went to let go of the needle the "back pressure" started to push the needle out, so I couldn't let go of it to get the tape/pad. 

this was also compounded by the stress at work lately, having to work on my days off, planning to be home for Christmas with my parents and having to work.  I think the stress of everything just did me in.  Everything was so bad that I actually started crying on my way home from work yesterday (and I am NOT an emotional person .. honest!    )

So, today I called the on call home nurse and told her to set me back up in center.

Now, I guess I'll resign myself to in-center, loose weight, and when I get enough off try PD (I'm sure I can do that at home by myself!) and then pray that I can get a transplant! 


(My mom is reading this over my shoulder as I type   Hi mom!  love you!!!!)

At least I can say I tried.  If I hadn't I'd always have wondered if I could do it!

Sorry I haven't been around lately .. and I'll post my Christmas gifts after my Parents leave.  I'll be back soon, I promise.

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas (if you celebrate) and have a safe New Year!

Redbomb

[boxman55]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. At least you tried...Boxman

[goofynina]

Aww Redbomb, dont worry about it not working out for you, at least you tried, right? right!   If i were you, i would talk to the surgeon to see if you can do PD now, my neph said it wouldnt work but if i wanted to talk to the surgeon myself then i can, and i did, he said of course it could work, and it has   and i am *ahem* quite large blah blah blah, lol,   Good luck to you and please keep us updated on how things are going for you.  Much love to you always my friend 

[Black]

At least I tried.

I went through the three weeks of NxStage training ...

This is NOT YOUR fault!  Three weeks is not enough training time for someone training to do it alone!!!  I find it hard to believe they did not know that.   Some patients train longer than that with a partner.  I am so sorry they   did that to you.      

Is it possible someone has an ulterior motive and wishes NxStage to fail at their center? Or doesn't want anyone to do it alone? Or are they just stupid? 

[jbeany]

Red, you're braver than I am - I don't think I could have managed any of this alone!  I hope you find a solution that works for you soon.

[Sluff]

Redbomb at least you tried. You are a lot braver than I would be.   

[Bill Peckham]

I think you are doing great. You gave it a try and were level headed enough to pull back when you didn't feel comfortable.

I have a suggestion though - practice those situations when you're incenter. Take yourself off routinely while you have staff backing you up. You might surprise yourself. Once you fall off that horse enough times you get real good about avoiding it and you learn the art of swapping out 4x4s (that you prepared as you were setting up. I get 6 ready). I'm also pro-clamp for self-dialyzors. If the dialyzor is thoughtful about not over tightening I don't see the problem. I'm pretty good about remembering to have my clamp (it looks/works like a fat zip tie) around my arm at the ready when I'm pulling needles. If it came down to it the clamp could hold a bloody 4x4 tight while I get another gauze pad ready but I haven't had to do that lately. I've gotten pretty good at swapping 4x4s out. And I know that if I had to I could apply direct pressure with my naked fingers until I stopped bleeding enough to clean up.

I've heard of couples taking eight weeks to get comfortable to go home. If you like it otherwise take some time incenter to see if you can get comfortable with that one part.

[del]

I don't think the 3 weeks training was enough!!!  It took the 2 of us 5 weeks to train for nocturnal and I had been needling for about 3 months before that.  Did you have any runs during training when you had to do everything on your own!!


At least you gave it a try Redbomb and it was a good idea to stop when you realized you weren't comfortable with doing it.

[kidney4traci]

Redbomb,

It is very tough to do this alone.  Maybe as you mentioned, with all that was going on you were stressed.  I know I can get that way.  But as Bill mentioned, being prepared in advanced helps.  Have a table with extra pads there.  Bill, great idea about the clamps - I have come close to needing that before and will keep that in mind!!  Anyway, practice and know that you can do it - you are not alone, we are here too!  And your nurse as well as Nxstage are just a phone call away.  I trainined alone, my kids are home sometimes as well as my husband, but I do everything alone.  Not judging you, but if you want to talk about doing it again, feel free to pm me.  Best of luck!

[Romona]

You are not a quitter, this just might not be the right time. 

[Ang]

definetly  not  a  quitter,smart  enough  to  see  the  signs  that  it  was all  coming  apart,  so  to  speak.
i  tried  homehaemo  training with  my wife who  was  to  needle  me, after  3  weeks  training,  she  woke  up  one  morning  ,said  sorry  i  can't  do  it.
in  my  opinion  it's better  in  centre  as  you  have  qualified  staff( )  when  things  go  pearshaped  as  they  tend  to  do  sometimes.
maybe  someday  in  the  future  you  may  feel  strong  enough  for  a  second  try,now  that  you've  a  tiny  taste  of  what  it's  like  at  home.
i  wish  you  lots  of  luck  with  it  all

[Meinuk]

Redbomb - You are not a quitter - you are a survivor and that is to be admired. 

I agree with what everyone has written in this thread.  You took a leap, learned a lot and tried something that many wouldn't even try.  You are putting your health first - emotional and physical which makes you proactive and will help you with every goal that you undertake.  I'm proud of you for trying.

[Redbomb]

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. 

My situation might change in the future so I'll try this again (if they let me <grins>)  At least I know the setup and everything!  Who knows, with as fast as technology is going there might be advancements in the future where none of us will need to be in-center! (O.K.  maybe I'm dreaming now   )

Anyway, thanks again!

[Black]

With that good attitude you will be fine!   

[petey]

You're definitely NOT a quitter, Redbomb!  My husband is on home hemo (NxStage), and we trained for two and a half weeks.  That wasn't really long enough, but somehow we managed.  When you get home with it, it really is like "on the job training."   Like Bill, we have our own little system of shortcuts, make it easier, be prepared for everything, etc.  Sometimes, four hands and two brains are not enough!  I know Marvin could not have done this by himself, and he never would have been brave enough to try it -- so, you're braver than Marvin (but probably not as good-looking -- sorry, he's a real cutie!).  Hang in there!

[Redbomb]

You're definitely NOT a quitter, Redbomb!  My husband is on home hemo (NxStage), and we trained for two and a half weeks.  That wasn't really long enough, but somehow we managed.  When you get home with it, it really is like "on the job training."   Like Bill, we have our own little system of shortcuts, make it easier, be prepared for everything, etc.  Sometimes, four hands and two brains are not enough!  I know Marvin could not have done this by himself, and he never would have been brave enough to try it -- so, you're braver than Marvin (but probably not as good-looking -- sorry, he's a real cutie!).  Hang in there!

Well, the picture of your puppy-dog is cuter than I am and I would be willing to bet that your husband looks better than your puppy .. So, yeah -- I loose. 

[petey]

R.B.,
Yeah, but just think of the things you have over my puppy.  You don't have to have a bath in FLEA SHAMPOO every week and you don't have to have your temp taken RECTALLY every time you go to the doctor.  (Or at least, I hope you don't have to)