No one told me how hard it is when your kid goes to college

[okarol]

On Sunday Jenna's brother James moved into his dorm apartment at CSUN. He is rooming with 2 boys who also attended his high school - they are
all studying music (guitar.) The 4th roommate is a drummer from San Diego. Their place is really nice and I think they would have loved to get us
out of there, but my other dorm-moms-in-law and I couldn't leave until we had them properly nested. I am excited for James and I will miss him
terribly! Earlier that day I heard the song on the radio "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon and it made me cry - he is my beautiful boy!

I didn't know it was going to be so hard on me. The college is not far but I know the boys aren't going to want their mom's dropping in for a hug.
I want James to be independent and this is a great chance for him -- but selfishly I want him where I can see him. I hope it gets easier in the next
few weeks so I don't walk around feeling like I've lost something!
 

[poohkari]

 

Well, i've never been in your position, obviously, but I have recently been that doe-eyed colege freshman. Don't worry yourself silly, Karol. He will be great! He'll mess up a few times, and hopefully you won't even know about them until many years from now. I think its awesome hes able to be with kids he grew up with - how cool! That means he wont forget his roots and wont go off the deep end. Trust me on this. In college, you figure things out on your own. The kids who were going home every weekend, and having constant visits from parents and nagging phone calls from parents were the most introverted, obviously. You seem like a really cool person, so im sure youre an even cooler mom!  Be there for him, but dont let him think youre coddling him. The best thing my mom ever did for me when I was in college would be mailing me little gift cards, or a small check here and there, without giving me the heads up - it was such an awesome suprise, and I swear moms are magic - they came just when I needed them the most!

And one more thing - if he comes back with tattoos, dont freak out. It's normal! 

[okarol]

Tattoos?!?!?

[okarol]

Just kidding - he's an adult - he can do what he wants.

Thanks Kari, I will try to not be a stalker - give him some space - although now that I think about it, I missed a perfect chance to install a "dorm cam" when I was helping him move in - damn!   

I moved out from my mom's house when I was 17 - lived on my own - if he does half of what I did he'll be just fine. 

[thegrammalady]

it will get easier. just wait till he comes home for the weekend with his laundry!!!

[kitkatz]

It gets easier as time goes on.  My girls have been gone for almost two years now.  It is quiet in the house.  I worry about them , but what can you do?  Just love them anyway no matter what.  Pray he does not call you for more money!

[goofynina]

Yes Karol, i am sure in time it will get easier, shoot, i am sure the time is going to come when he does come home with his laundry, needing money and raiding your fridge and cupboards for any food he can take back with him, lol, 

[Amanda From OZ]

Karol if he is anything like me i would be worried!!! 

Only joking!!

Karol I'm sure things will get easier eventually, from what i know of you and your family, if they are anything like there mum they will do great in everything they do.

Hoping you feel better soon.

Amanda
xxoo

 

[Razman]

Hi Karol ,  my wife and I been through that and the first week or 2 may seem different but we  found that the kids just keep coming back.  For the past 8 years our daughter calls her mom every day.    Boys are different but give them some space and they soon remember that  "HOME" is the best place to be !

[paris]

With 4 kids, someone  was always moving off to college, another state for a new job, but now they have all settled in a 40 mile radius and we see each other all the time.  I will say, I still miss the confusion, commotion, and fun of them all growing up, but not the mess!   I still worry about them--part of being a Mom.  Hope he has a great experience at college.  Fun time in life!!!

[Sluff]

It is never easy to loosen the ties that bind, but unfortunately that time has come for you Karol. I'm sure just by your example you have nothing to fear. You have instilled many great attributes and have taught your children right. Even if they stray they won't stray far. Here is a hug to help comfort you.     

[okarol]

Awww you guys are so great!
Thanks so much.
I forwarded this thread to the other 2 mom's who are feeling the same angst - my dorm-moms-in-law - and they both said it helped them too!
This is one of the many benefits of my adopted family at IHD!
 

[Jill D.]

Two years ago when my daughter moved into the dorm at Michigan State University (which is about 15 minutes away!) it was hard for me too! However, I came to enjoy how CLEAN my house stayed. My daughter is somewhat of a slob and leaves a trail whever she goes!

[thegrammalady]

glad you're feeling a bit better karol. You can count on the fact that he won't stay gone forever. mine moved home several times over the years. then i moved in with one of them 

[Slywalker]

Oh Karol - no one ever told me how hard it was either.   This is something that does get better with time.  And, I then cherished the times my kids came home on the weekends - laundry or not - they were were there visiting and a little bit like "old" times yet different.  My problem was that my kids never moved back home.  Even for the summers.  They liked the area where their colleges were and they got apartments, jobs, etc. and so the visits were not even that often for me.  But, on the other hand, that is in the end what I wanted - self-sufficient kids.

Take care

Sandyb

[Romona]

Just by reading your posts, I can tell you are a wonderful Mom. I bet he misses you just as much as you miss him. My oldest is living at home this year because he changed schools. But I missed him so much last year and he wasn't far away at all.