divorce

[keefer51]

I would like to talk about divorce and what it does to the husband and wife, family, and friends. When i was divorced in Nashville Tennessee i was devastated. Tennessee law concerning divorce is different. I am told that they still hold on to a law that is called "the tender years." It basically means that the mother of the children will get full custody of the children. First when my wife said she wanted a divorce i had to get a lawyer. The cheapest lawyer i found was 2,000$. You know you are screwed when your lawyer says to you," You can see your kids on weekends and you must pay 32% child support. No one cares about your current situation. Slowly but surely i started to see reality. Instead of receiving half of everything you are told that anything you try and take as yours except your personnel belongings you will lose. The judge i am told to my county was famous for scaring men into prison terms if you can't or won't comply. My friends i lost everything i worked so hard for: IRA, PIP account, Kidney fund, IRS refunds, house, cars, etc... I did receive 6000$ from the sale of the house. But i had to use that for lawyer, and court fees. I had 667$ left which i spent on my children. I even lost my medical insurance. you dare not say anything to the judge or she would chastise you in front of everybody in the court. What they say is this; Since you are the father of the children everything you give up helps your children. That TV you had that is in your house that you wouldn't mind having benefits your children don't you dare take it! All of your savings, retirement accounts, etc.. ditto. I was in the wrong place at the right time. Divorce is and should be split in HALF like most states. Most important, children should be with the mom and dad equally. Not a weekend ATM.

[st789]

Wow....I am speech less.  Damn.............. divorce.  You lost a lot not only financially but also emotionally.  The least they can do is let you share equal time with the children.  We are here for you brother to let all of your frustrations out.  Just rant.................this is the place.  We all need an outlet because people around us really have no clues what we go through with this chronic condition.

[goofynina]

You know Keefer, I believe everything happens for a reason, all this that has happend to you is somehow a blessing in disguise.  I am sorry for all your going through and i understand it must be rough but I thank God your still alive so you are still able to see you kids, it's not all bad.  You hang in there amigo and remember we are here for you always.  You just keep writing them poems and no on will get hurt    

[lola]

Keef hang in there!!!!

[Joe Paul]

Thats cruel, what the woman and the courts did. I found out early in life (19) what a divorce and loosing your kids can do to you, it by far was the worst feeling in the world - I couldn't imagine having to go through dialysis on top of all what you've been through. Hang in there, atleast getting to see your children is a plus.

[Sluff]

Been through a very ugly one also but not while facing a disease or dialysis thank God. Hang in there keefer one day at a time, everyday things will get a little bit better.   

[Chicken Little]

I'm sorry Keefer.     I've seen both sides get completely screwed by divorce.  And I'm in a  community property state.  It's very sad.  I hope thing start getting better for you soon. 

[Black]

I know it's not much consolation but my husband's divorce from his first wife was much worse than you describe.  We've been married almost 26 years and his life is much better than it would have been if he had stayed married to her.  He and his son are close, and his son's two boys are the ones in my avatar.

I'm sorry all of this has come for you on top of your health problems but take heart, things will get better. 

[goofynina]

My brother always says "Nowadays, it's cheaper to keep her"  about his wife..... then of course she gives him a good one    

[Earlinda]

keefer I know the pain of divorce too and my heart goes out there to you!!   Together we will get through this and life will be much more bearable!

Earlinda

[Rerun]

I've been through a divorce.  My husband had a girlfriend for 2 years before I finally ended it.  I wanted half but because he was hiding things I didn't get half.  He ended up marrying her.  I'm glad I'm not with him.  I hated the look in his eyes when I had my transplant and I gained weight.  He was as shallow as they come.

I'm just glad you are not living in TN anymore.  You would be looking for them in every store and in every restaurant. 

Who cares if the Judge makes a scene.  You should have pleaded your case.  You have a medical issue and she should not have received the kidney fund.  You lawyer is the one who screwed you.

[Falkenbach]

I don't know much specifically about the law in Tennessee - well I don't know anything about it - but I've seen a number of divorces come out so uneven.

It makes sense that the parent who does not have the kids full time should still pay support, but I really do think the courts go too far sometimes. I had a friend who was even forced into selling all of his panel beating equipment - the courts stating that, because he no longer was running the panel beating business, he had to sell the equipment and hand the money over. He had already lost the house and kids and was making support payments. How far must the court go?

[maisha_r]

Oh Keefer I am sorry to read about the financial lost and most of all the emotional pain.  But as Nina has said all happens for a reason,  good things would come to you, we all have right to happiness and you will get your part. I did divorce my first husband when I started having more complications with my health,  but I did thinking that I was not going to stay with him for using his medical insurance, money, etc. I did leave all for him, including the new car, house, et.  I own him more than that for the good support he gave me during our marriage.   The pay I got from that action of not taking anything from him was that during my second marriage, comming back from overseas the one opening the doors for me was him,  now I live in his house, and he is the one telling me what kind of man i need to take care of me and share my life with... see that is rewarding for me. You hang in there Keefer, have faith in what or who you believe,  your good actions would be rewarded, for bad actions if any i always say "my all sins have been already paid off since  i started in dialysis"

[Ohio Buckeye]

Wow, I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

[skyedogrocks]

Keefer, so sorry for what you went through.  Divorce does suck, emotionally and financially.  Your ex-wife sounds like a very spiteful person for taking half of things that she knows you would need due to your disease.  She may feel like she won that battle, however, what comes around goes around.  There will be a day when she feels the same way you feel. 

When I got divorced, it was bitter and very ugly.  Fortunately, there weren't any children involved and for or this I am forever thankful!  It cost me $30,000 to get divorced and took 1 year.  Rob on the other hand, had a very amicable divorce and he remained friends with his ex.  They also didn't have children, however, she is a very depressed person and nothing that Rob did could ever help her with that.

I agree that things happen for a reason.  If I never got married/divorced, I never would have met Rob and that would have been a travesty!

Keep your chin up!

[Sara]

My experience with divorce was being the kid and having a father who didn't/doesn't care enough to stay in contact or pay child support. 

I'm sorry you got hosed by that court.

[KT0930]

My divorce took three years b/c my ex would not a sign a single thing that we sent unless we threatened him with informing his command (he's in the military). By the time it was said and done, he had both cars, the house, and all the friends. However, he also had all the debt and I have our son, so I win.

I know I sound like a cold-hearted b*tch when I say that, but he has made NO effort to see our son in over two years, and only calls on birthdays and holidays or if we call him first. My son is absolutely wonderful, smart, and caring, it's his father's loss. Besides, he has a wonderful step-father now.

[keefer51]

My family and i have tried to place phone calls to my children but the phone is one they all use so our messages are lost on the machine. Our card with checks for birthdays and other holidays was cashed but not till for some a year later. I have found my son on myspace through a friend of mine. We sent many e-mails but he wasn't allowed to answer. He said he wanted to but would be too influenced by his sister mom and stepdad. Again i don't know why. I have sat and wondered for seven years now what exactly i did wrong. Was it just time that drew us apart. I know when i did see them i couldn't compete with my ex and her husband. They would dangle the carrot in their face just so i wouldn't see them. "Christmas with Dad or Christmas with us in Disney world?