Prayers for Kevno

[kevno]

Well its now over a week since I should of had the operation.  But a 4 day warning was a bit to quick to get my head around. Seeing Tony on Tuesday who is a long term renal patient like me, who as had the operation the Surgeons say I need. I will have to make a choice soon. I am on so many pain killers just now. I do not  think that they can help me to keep focused.  On the machine they have started me on pethidine which does make you seem like you are in a different world. The only time pain free.

I have not felt this low for a long long time. Time to shake this feeling off and make the DECISION!

Try to get back in a more positive mood. The site as helped me a lot. Remember the site is the idea of Epoman who as done a hell of a good job. For all the members of the site.

Must make the right decision for me. Only one of two ways it can go. I wonder, how long do you keep the battle going to stay alive. I know there are a lot of people who are a lot worse off than me.

Sorry for sounding so negative. I'm almost sure it is those dam pain killers talking.

Kevno

[Sara]

Mentally sending you big hugs Kevno.  Hope you have a Happy Easter!

[Michelle]

I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time at the moment Kevno. I can't imagine what this sort of decision is possibly like to make but you know where we are if you just want to rant. I have been a patient a long time too and sometimes it feels like THE last straw when things are not great but please know we are all here to help and support you as much as we can.

[Manchester Steve]

Sorry to read the bad news kevin. a friend has directed me to this site and i'm a brand new user
After everything else you have been through this must be just hell for you. I'm totally speechless i just cant think of anything to say at the moment
other than i hope things work out as best as possible

[Rerun]

Manchester Steve,

Welcome to the site.  When you get a minute, please go to "Introduce Yourself" and tell us your story?  Are you on Dialysis yourself, or do you care for someone on Dialysis.  Either way, I'm sure you hate it!   

Thanks~

[ulrika]

As I am very new here, I have just come accross this thread, and can't begin to tell you how much my heart goes out to you Kevno.
Could you tell me, is it because of diabetes you are going through this, or is it because of your kidney disease? It is probably a combination, but I am just curious, as we are so new to this.
Hugs, Ulrika

[kevno]

Hi ulrika
No it's not Diabetes. Just a long term renal patient. My veins in the bottom of my leg as calcified. Started dialysis at the age of 10 in 1977. Had a transplant 81 went back on dialysis May 88, been on ever since.

There is just something so different with this operation.  All the other operations I have had I know I will wake up with just a scar, maybe a tube and the pain. But to have something CUT OFF.  The Surgeon told me I needed the operation on the 6th April, that he was going to do the operation on the 10th April.  To quick for me 4 days notice, need time to get use to the idea. Not only that need to see other surgeons to see what they say. Never had to make a decision about an operation before. Seeing the Surgeon again this Tuesday, he said can he have an answer. Had made up my mind what I was going to do, but now not sure. Maybe I should have let the Surgeon do it, at least it would have been done now.

There is a couple of attachments that I put on this thread early on. It just says what I think. The pain is getting a bit much now. I was on a lot of pain killer, but have stopped most of them. Could not think straight.

Yours

Kevno
(Must keep  )

[kitkatz]

You are very brave. I think you are wise to wait awhile before surgery. You need time to adjust to losing a part of the body.  You will go through a grieving process when it happens.  You are Strong.  Keep going.

Katherine

[kevno]

I have had a lot of operations over the years, but this one, being sent to a Prof to talk about the operation, what I think about it. I had make my mind up about the operation sort of, but then The unit sent a patient to see me who had, had the operation, he seemed so negative, I do not believe they wanted me to see some one like that, he took his leg off a lot of the time, on the machine, in front of the TV and so on, he used his wheelchair for me, a bit to much.I know his vasc problems seemed a lot more advanced than mine. But you can not help thinking. Is this going to be me in a few years Plus he only started with renal problems in the 1990's, yes I know all renal patients are different.  If I had the operation the false leg would have to be part of me. From when I woke up in the morning to when I went the bed at night. Hopfully out of the wheelchair as fast as possible.

Now have to wait and see what is said on the 8th may. Maybe getting to like the pain killers too much


Kevno

[Sara]

I've been thinking of you Kevno.  Try to keep your chin up, and I think you're right to make a careful and thought-out decision.