Comedy Central tonight

If you don't laugh you would cry!!!

Dear wife decides she is going to help us get an early start and leaves work early to set up machine. She gets a strange alarm halfway through prime saying the dialyizor port is loose. She fixes that and moves on. As I sit down I look at machine and notice what I think is a problem. Call NXStage and after 10 minutes of describing that there is fluid in the little tiny line from access pod to the connection of access pod on the machine they say "that should not be there". Duh, that's why I am calling you. Break down and start over.

Wife hates spiking the saline bag so "big strong man" will do it. Whoosh, right in ... and through the side. Saline waterfall. (Done this before). Breakdown and start over. Get through prime and snap and tap.

Wife tries to insert first needle. Now, my fistula is wandering so there are limited spots where it is straight enough to feel safe putting in the needle. Also with the scar tissue and alcohol cleaning skin gets tough. Sometimes it seems like she needs a hammer. This is one of those times. As she tries to get needle in blood starts running down my arm. Dont know if she let off pressure and it came backwards or what, doesn't matter. Hold for ten minutes.

We place a bandage over that hole as close to its edge as we can so we have room to try again. As she positions second needle I try to stabilize fistula by "gently" stretching skin. You guessed it ...... hole under band aid erupts into second Mt Vesuvius.

Cover quick with gauze, look at dear wife and say ..."Honey, God does not want us to do this tonight" .... we are both laughing like crazy.

Ahh, the joys and beauty of home dialysis .... we can try again tonight.