Well, the Case Conference to decide Mum's future care has happened....

[Darthvadar]

Hi All... Back from a Case Conference Meeting at the hospital about Mum's future...

She will not be coming home!... Her dependency levels are FAR too high.... She needs two people for all of her care needs... Her mobility is VERY poor, and she's a high fall risk...

The medics usually rank people with care needs into four categories ... Low, Medium, High and Advanced... They have placed Mum into an even higher category... Advanced Maximum...

She still occasionally tries to get out of bed, or out of a chair on her own, and has had a few 'slips' where two staff with a hoist has been needed.....

 So we're back to her going to a Nursing Home, and she's very upset, as am I....

Thanks everyone for the support.... I'm SO weepy right now.... I'm not good company tonight!....

Love to all....

Darth.....

[cariad]

Oh, Darth. I'm so sorry. All I can say is that I hope you are able to come to terms with the decision in time.

Wishing you and your lovely mum peace and love. You are both in my thoughts. ((((((Darthie))))))

[MooseMom]

I am so sorry to hear this.  I know how much you were both looking forward to her homecoming.   

[cassandra]

So very sorry to read this Darth.


     



Lots of love, and hugs, Cas

[Rerun]

Darth, you need to have your time to take care of YOU so you can be there for your MUM.  You can go visit her and be there for her but then go home and get a good night sleep.  You could hurt yourself trying to lift her.  Then where would you be?  I know you are upset but you need to go with this so you can stay well and be there for her. 

I'm sorry.      

[Angiepkd]

So sorry to hear this!  How awesome that you want to take care of her at home!  I have to agree with Rerun, though. You can still be there for her without being totally responsible for her care.  She will need you to be her advocate in the nursing home, and that is as important a job as her daily care.  I am sure that doesn't help right now, but please try to understand how much she needs you to take care of yourself so you can be there for her!  It's hard to accept the fact that we can't always do everything we want to for our parents. You have been a shining example of what should be done for her!  Please be kind to yourself!  You have gone above and beyond what many would do, and all the while dealing with your own chronic illness. Sending you and your mom hugs and prayers!

[okarol]

 
It's strange that someone else would make a decision over the desire of the family.
They do things differently here.
Chin up my friend. Enjoy the time you have together.
Sending you BIG HUGS! 

[MaryJoe]

Darth, I'm so sorry your Mum will not be coming home. I know how much both of you were looking forward to her homecoming.  As others have said, this decision is probably best for your Mum, as it sounds like she will need more care than  you can reasonably provide by yourself at home. I know you miss having her with you but you must also think of yourself and your health. Your Mum is lucky to have such a devoted daughter. I have always admired the way you have loved and cared for her. Your love for each other shines through your posts. This is for the best, Darth, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.  Many hugs to you and Mum. I know she is very disappointed and discouraged right now.

     

[galvo]

Sorry to hear this, Darth!

[Darthvadar]

Thanks Folks....

Really appreciate your support.... I'm SO weepy right now.... She doesn't want this, and I feel such a failure for not being able to protect her from it... She's old, frail, and is depending on me, and I'm letting her down!...

It's at the stage now where she needs two people to do everything with her... From taking a few steps to toileting to transferring from chair to bed, etc... And there are still some nights where she gets agitated, so would need night time supervision, too... No Home Care Package can provide all of that... There would need to be two people coming in four times a day for continence care alone!... Just not possible....

On the other hand, the Nursing Home she'll be going to is exceptional, she would NEVER get a better placement.... Anna Gaynor House is a part of Our Lady's Hospice... It's a unit for older people with VERY high care needs, and sadly Mum falls into that category... They provide a very good level of care, and you never know, in such an environment, she could thrive, and recover enough to come home for visits, etc... I can hope, can't I???... This is what's available at Anna Gaynor... http://www.myhomefromhome.ie/homes/nursing_home?home_id=265 ....

Thankfully, Mum's needs are so great that none of the private nursing homes will take her... So she has to go into a public facility... The thing is, she'll get far superior care in public...  Let's face it, however good a private home is, it's only real reason for being there is profit... That's why I believe that at least here, public is FAR better!...More staff, better activities, immediate access to doctors,  Physios, OTs, Social Workers, X-Ray, Lab. Facilities, etc.... And luckier still, this is the VERY best of the public homes... I can honestly say that if I need nursing home care in the future, it's where I'd like to go...

Sadly though, Mum's depressed and angry.... Says she's no better than a prisoner.... Says that even the very worst of criminals usually have a 'get out' day... She doesn't!...


I'm hoping it gets better... I know she'll be very happy there if she gives it a chance...

Please pray for us....

Love to all...

Darth....

[MaryJoe]

Oh Darth, my heart is breaking for you, and for your Mum. This is so hard for you, and you being weepy is  normal and understandable in light of the circumstances. Please be kind to yourself. You are sad, disappointed, and probably angry, allow yourself to feel all the emotions that this outcome will bring.  You are not letting your mum down! You are doing what is necessary to provide the best care possible for her health and safety.  She is probably frightened  and angry that this has happened, and may see moving to a nursing home as having the last bit of her independence taken from her.I'm sure that in her heart she knows that you could not possibly meet all of her needs at home.

The home she will be going to sounds like it has everything she needs, a lot of social and recreational activities also. She may improve enough to come for visits or to go on short outings. We went through similar circumstances when my mother-in-law had to move to a nursing home. She cried an begged to be taken home every time we visited, it broke my heart to leave her. As she adjusted to the move she found that she actually liked being there. She enjoyed talking to other people her age, made some friends, and had things to do other than watching TV all day. Your mum will find her place in her new home also, it will just take time.

You are a loving daughter, Darth, you have no reason to feel like you've let Mum down, or failed her in any way.

 

[cassandra]

Beautifully said MaryJoe, and so right . You realy did what you could, and the both of you will be fine, after getting used to your new situations.

Lots of love, Cas


           

[looneytunes]

Darthie...you are the most amazing woman!  Once the new routine is settled into, I believe your Mum will have the best of both worlds....the best medical and support care...and the BEST daughter care!
Hugs and prayers being sent your way.