Poor me !

[brenda seal]

Sorry for the moan, but I have been a bit down in the dumps since Tuesday . We had to be at the hospital by 10am as Laurie needed to be reviewed by the head and neck surgeon . He had all his dressings taken down and all the stitches and staples removed - very painful for him . All the wounds and skin grafts looking good  , we also got the pathology reports back and all the cancers were squamous cell carcinomas - as suspected . The surgeon got such good margins there is no need for radiotherapy, so all good news .
This all took a couple of hours and as he was due to start dialysis at 2 pm there was no point going home . I had him in the wheelchair and we went to the cafeteria and had some lunch and then sat in the gardens for a little while .Dialysis was rough on him and then the nurse changed the dressing on his permacath - this is an ordeal as the hyperfix rips his skin .
My daughter drove in to pick us up instead of us waiting for the ambulance as it had been such a long day for him . We finished at dialysis at about 7pm , my daughter had been at work all day and had to leave her three little ones with their Dad to come and get us . We had a lot of trouble getting him out of the wheelchair and into the car , he is so weak after D he could not do much to help . To cut a long story short it ended in an argument - me telling her she didn't listen to me and her telling me I always make stressful situations worse . The ride home was made in steely silence , Laurie wiped out in the front and me affronted sulking in the back . I called my son and he met us at home to get his Dad out of the car and into bed .
I have been upset ever since , can't sleep for thinking . I am thinking there is nobody to look after me anymore - my big strong husband who always looked after me and was always in my corner - depends on me for just about everything now . I lost my Mum two years ago and she was always there to listen to my worries and now she is gone and I miss her so much .
There we are - I feel so guilty for even having these selfish thoughts , not like me at all . I can't voice this to anyone else so thanks for listening .

[frankswife]

I know how you feel, Brenda. I feel so bad for what my Frank is going through and yet... sometimes...what about me? Yesterday was my birthday and my coworkers and boss made a bigger fuss over me than my own family. No happy birthday even from 2 of my 4 sons. No birthday cake to come home to. But then I think...thats ok. Frank is sick. I have to think of him first. And  feel bad for being selfish, because who knows how many birthdays he may have?

[ceb3370]

i feel you brenda, but you got to be strong.  Plan your priorities, this is the time that he really need your support. If your feeling down, your patients feels worse. hang on there.

[MooseMom]

Brenda, you're not selfish.  You're just normal.  And scared.

Throught the miracle of the internet, we can be here to listen to you.  We're not your mom, but we're here.

[MaryD]

Brenda - Chin up!

Apart from the horrendously long days you are having, I suspect the run in with your daughter may have been the straw that's broken the camels back.  I only see my daughter for a few days every year.  She lives in Perth.  When she was over for John's wedding she made a short, critical comment about my driving.  I was borderline devastated.  She went back to Perth a few hours later and I dwelt on the matter for a couple of weeks.  Have you spoken to you daughter since?  She might be feeling the same way.

Lean on us, and care for yourself, too     

[Poppylicious]

Chances are your daughter feels pretty upset too ... give her a call and have some mother-daughter time.

*huggles* for all of you ... (and no, you're not selfish!)

[drgirlfriend]

Chances are your daughter feels pretty upset too ... give her a call and have some mother-daughter time.

*huggles* for all of you ... (and no, you're not selfish!)

This!

[christijo]

Oh my goodness, someone feels just like me ! My daughter just told yelled at me because she said I make stupid decisions that make my life worse.   i have no help. Hubby has had 7 strokes, heart attack, stint, extensive brain damage and dementia, legally blind, heart failure, severe diabetes, on dialysis, kidneys down. I cant get hospice because he takes dialysis. He wants dialysis even though he has no life. Is housebound only for dailysis, gets out. I bathe him, change  him, dress him, give all 10 meds, shots, evertything else. He yells at me constantly telling me I am a loser. He used to do everything. I was a diva and spoiled and he was sooo kind. The strokes made him miserable and mean. I was soo excited to see my kids at Christmas and he kicked them out. They are his kids, too. They were soooo hurt. My whole life is wrapped up taking care of him. Yes, I need help. Yes, I need to get out. But there is nowhere to go. I make just enough money not to qualifiy for anything. Friends have left after doing this 4  years. Pastor of my church called on us last February when I called and asked him to come. He told my hubby he would come back but never.  I dont think I will make it thru this. Think I will just not wake up someday. I am soooo tired. Heart failure keeps  him up during the night. He is on oxygen.  He needs me during the night, in the morning, all the time. He cant even open a sugar free popsicle, he is soo weak.  Go shopping? wish I could. Go for a walk? afraid to. Daughter should be helping? She has Lupus and has an adopted daughter who is bipolar at only 11. No resources.  Yes, Poor Me, I feel the same way. 

[Leon E]

Brenda - Chin up!

Apart from the horrendously long days you are having, I suspect the run in with your daughter may have been the straw that's broken the camels back.  I only see my daughter for a few days every year.  She lives in Perth.  When she was over for John's wedding she made a short, critical comment about my driving.  I was borderline devastated.  She went back to Perth a few hours later and I dwelt on the matter for a couple of weeks.  Have you spoken to you daughter since?  She might be feeling the same way.

Lean on us, and care for yourself, too     

I don't have any.. but i think i will have one soon.