Feeling a bit down since yesterday..

[tiredandthirsty]

For some inexplicable reason, i am feeling a bit down since yesterday.  i can't pin point to a particular reason why but i just feel "sad" on the inside.  has anyone felt this way?  what do you do to get out of this feeling? i slept from 4 PM yesterday to 7:30 and wouldn't have woken up if my mum had not come into the room to check up on me.  i forced myself to get out of the bed.  i am seriously trying to get this ill feeling out of me, but nothing seems to be working. tried watching a movie, tried watching funny videos on youtube, tried watching stand up comedy. 

ok i will admit, i went on to facebook and saw a picture of someone i was interested in two years ago and found out she is getting married soon.  i am not friends with her on facebook, but the picture just came up on my page because another person i am friends with commented on it.  this is the exact reason why i stopped going on facebook, seeing pictures of people have fun and living their lives was definitely putting me down when in the initial stages of failure. it still does to some extent, but this time it's not just the picture that is making me feel down.  it could partly be the reason, but i am sure not all of it.   

any ideas/tips/suggestions?

[boswife]

I just hate FB...... lol   Actually its a love/hate thing and i think its that way for many.  Im OVER 60, ya think i'd know better than to let any silly things i see on there effect me, but danged it if it involves something with one of my kidows (thats the only reason im on there to watch their lives..   )  Well, i take it WAY out of context and can throw myself into some deep sadness that to them is nothing..lol     Back to you, I am sorry that your feeling 'sad'.  My mom used to call it the "sads" when she would get overwhelmed inside and not know for what reason.  Im sure seeing the 'life' of someone else could certainly trigger these feelings, and then it went deeper to probably many other things that your body will grab onto to hold that awful feeling.  Dont know what makes that happen, but it seems to snowball.  Now, the only thing for me is exercise.  I have to do a stroll with my dogs, do some gardning, clean somewhere in the house that makes a change (not just dishes or some routien thing) , just something physical.  I dont know if your 'chair' bound, but anything that can bring your heartrate to a different state will sometimes knock that 'sad' out of you.  My hairy dogs sometimes get haircuts at this time  .  I hope you can find what will 'do' it for you and help you out of your funk     Mainly, try not to hold it and figure it out, just let it go through you, feel it and let it go 

[cassandra]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad T&T. Maybe do some exercises. It will produce endorphines, which will make you feel a bit happy.

good luck Cas

[tiredandthirsty]

Ladies thank you for your message.  i really appreciate you taking the time to respond. i am actually waiting for a message from a friend of mine and i am going to try and go lift some weights.  hopefully i can make it and it makes me feel good. 

i have been pondering over this since i last posted on what could be the reason why i am feeling this way.  yes, i will admit partially it is facebook and that's why i don't go there but a friend of mine just had to go on to chemo as his previous meds stopped working and his family posts updates on his page on how he is doing.  so i go every now and then to see how he is doing.  so that's that. 

then i think i am stressing out over what happened yesterday morning. some of you may know that the SC Department of Revenue was hacked and SS and other items were stolen.  so SCDOR has offered a year of credit report monitoring and i logged in to see if something is wrong on my report.  that's when i saw a douchebag collection agency has posted a Key Derogatory rating for 30 dollars.  i had made a payment back in july as soon as i received a letter from this collection agency.  but for some reason, my FSA decided to decline the payment which i was never made aware of.  no phone call, no letter, no communication of any sorts.  i asked the rep at the collection agency to look at his notes and tell me when i was called to notify that the payment was declined.  he was unable to do so.  i immediately made the payment but they cant be certain if the credit reporting agency will drop the notification from the report or not.  i have been busting my butt off working full time to make sure all the bills keep getting paid and stuff like this happens and it made me so angry.  for 30 bucks.  i wanted to punch a hole in the reps face if he had been in front of me.  it is still lingering in the back of my mind and it maybe causing this ill feeling.

another potential reason would be my brother asking for some money to help him out with something.  this is the umpteenth time he has asked me to help him out in the past 7-8 months.  it's like i am a damn ATM machine and people put a debit card in me and remove as much cash as they want. i don't have endless reserves you know?  but that's my brother so i feel like i HAVE to help him.  he says he will pay me back as soon as possible.  now i know he will back his words up, but paying me back after a year or two is not really helping me.  what am i supposed to do with all my bills?  mostly my medical bills? no one has asked one time how many of your bills are outstanding, how much do you owe, do YOU need any help?  nothing.  i am a little pisstified about that as well.  i am not a damn ATM. i have to be prepared for any random bills that pop out of nowhere and i am not going to get any help from anyone.  for example, i am going to have to get my tires changed soon.  my fob on my car is dying down.  all these unaccounted for expenses, who is going to help me with these?

sorry for this little rant.  but as i said, i am feeling a little down and i have been pondering around as to why and hence this massive post. 

[cassandra]

Dear T&T I don't feel I can/will say anything about your friend, and facebook, or Dep.of Revenue issue. But about you feeling as an ATM machine I can, and will. Just stop behaving like an ATM machine!!! I have a brother who saw

me like one. Than I stopped, and aha he found him self an other ATM machine.      It feels hard in the

beginning, but I feel ....... less used. 

good luck Cas

[tiredandthirsty]

Hi Cas, thanks for your message.  i know i can stop being an ATM.  but it's a bit complicated.  i would love to share the whole story here, but this one i would like to keep it to myself. i have not said this to anyone, not even my mum who practically knows everything about me. 

[lmunchkin]

Tnt, so sorry you are down.  Sounds like you have legitimate reasons though.  Reading this event at first, reminds me to check my credit scores.  I havent done that in quite a few years.  Might be a good indicator to do so.

I do not loan money to family members.  I prefer to give & help them without being repaid.  I want our Thanksgivings & Christmas's to be memorable not with Strife & Tension over someone owing someone money that has never been repaid!  Im not always a money bag either.  Quite the opposite!  But if I recieve a Blessing, then I feel Blessed and will use it to Bless someone else.  I have to pay it forward. God forbid if I ever hoard my Blessings!

Hope you get a handle on things that conflict you in your life.  You sound like a great guy and You deserve better!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

[tiredandthirsty]

hi lmunchkin, thank you very much for your message and your kind words. i absolutely wouldn't mind helping out when the requested amount is in the 3 figures or four figures and i wouldn't ask for it to be repaid either.  for example: i paid for a renovation that was done in his house, approx 1250.  has been over two years i'm thinking. i have not asked for it back even once.  but this time the request is for 5 figure amounts.  i don't make a million a year where i can give away money like that and forget about it.  these bigger amounts are actually tough decisions as i have a whole set of other things to consider.  for example, what if i have to go on disability at work and my paycheck gets reduced to 1/3rd of what it is right now?  the bills are not going to go away but the income will. anytime.  and i will HAVE to rely on my savings.  these type of things almost constantly go on in my head.  how will i support myself in the future when my income will most likely subside extensively but the bills will not.  i don't see help coming from anywhere. 

again, i am not trying to brag here or trying to bash on my brother.  it's just that at some point, i WILL be unable to work, don't know for how long, and i WILL not be able to generate income at the rate i currently am.  and i HAVE to be prepared for that day.  and sometimes it feels like no one is thinking about that. 

[lmunchkin]

Hey, I totally understand T&T.  Been there and done that.  Before I met John, he was bankrupt.  Before he met me, I was a drugged crazed mother living in the projects.  That is why God brought us together.  Now he is drawing SSD and I make a little over minimum wage.

He was working full time at the time he was diagnosed.  Not at bad pay either, but certainly not a 6 figure job!  I was working for the people I currently work for, at that time, but was out on leave to take care of my father.  My father died in July of 2004 and in Nov. 2004 my husband was full blown ESRD and had no idea!

I went back to work in 2005 with the understanding that he might not be around to enjoy the life as we knew it, so he continued to work fulltime (on PD) and I worked full time.  He made the house payment and I put everything towards the principle. 

We worked like monkeys.  I cleaned homes for the little extras we needed, but my monthly income $1,200.00, went to our Principle and guess what, we worked like hell to get our home paid off!  We paid it off by April 2008.  Hubby stopped working in Jan. 2011.  It was time, he was just struggling too much.

Now my husband can enjoy the rest of his life at home. He is a good hard working man, and he deserves the best!  I will fight tooth and nail to see he gets it.  God has Blessed us not because we deserve it, but because we saw our future and we did what we needed to make it easier on ourselves.

When you have NO debts, yea, you have more to give and it feels awesome!  Just because I make slightly over Minimum wage has never bothered me.  What bothers me are those who make good money (not all of them) but do nothing to help themselves or others. That is what Chaps me.  To be Blessed with fantastic pay, but in debt up to their eyeballs and for what? Its just for SHOW! I will never understand why people want to live way beyond their means.  If I ever had anything extra, Im looking for somewhere to give it.  If I don't have it to give, then I don't.

Tnt, if I could help you I would!  My husband & I try hard to help others.  We can't always help with money, but we try to help in other ways.  I do understand about family too, its through our experiences with family, is why we do not loan, we give.  But if we don't have it, we just say no & sorry!

I will send you a PM.  Hope things get better TNT!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

[tiredandthirsty]

lmunchkin

that is so very awesome of you.  honestly.  you are a true superstar.  fighter. 

and i promise you, i am the last person to live beyond their means.  i still have my sandals i bought back in 2010, they are perfectly fine and that's exactly what i wear to the clinic :-).  the bills i am worried about are basic necessities.  like rent, electricity, phone, gas, groceries, my student loan, these non stop medical bills that keep coming in my mailbox.  stuff like that. i don't have anything extravagant.  i just get into these thought cycles and end up feeling stressed out/down i guess.  need to find a way to control it.  or find a way out. 

but what you are doing is absolutely amazing and commendable.  i can't think of an appropriate superlative to describe your thinking.  i wish more people thought like you do.  country would be a heck of a nicer place for sure.   

[lmunchkin]

Im glad you said that TnT, because alot of people are envious & jealous of the fact that we are not strapped down in debt. They think we are Rich!  Go figure! Got husband drawing Disability and Im making a little over min. wage!
Yea, really, we are Rich!!!!! Rich with all God has given us.

When I look back to where I was 20 yrs ago when I met John, man what a handful I was.  I was a total Bitch, but he had a calming and humble way that I was attracted to.  God put him on my heart for a reason.  I didnt realize it then, but I see it all clearly now!

John was a broken man when I met him.  He was bankrupt all except his debt to the IRS. He owed an ungodly amount to IRS due to some bad advise by his Divorce attorney.  When we were dating, he told me about his IRS debt.  I thought, okay he owes taxes, so what, don't we all?  But when he asked me if he could ask my father for my hand in marriage, he said he needed to tell me how much he owed. Okay, I said, how much? He told me and I gasped!

I was so shocked, that I told him I would have to think seriously about this.  He immediately looked Defeated!  I will never forget the look on his face and how it stirred my heart!  Mind you, I was not a Christian at that time either, but knew of God through others.  A few days went by and I had not heard from him.  Ran into him at the Waffle House and went in to sit with him and some other friends of ours.

When I got up to leave, I signaled him to come out.  He did.  And I told him it was okay to ask my Dad for my hand, but this Bill would have to be paid and I mean paid with everything we could get our hands on. He agreed!

We both have always had good work ethics, so in 3 yrs time we had the Gustabo (sp?)out of our lives, and started to work on a down payment for our home!   Here we are, the rest is history.  Even in my Drug years, I never stopped working.  Always provided for my daughter, and a roof over our head.  When I met and married John, I changed alot!  Our kids grew up and turned out pretty good.  So we are definately Blessed.

In the meantime, I have come to know and love my Jesus on a personal level.  His sacrifice made it possible for me to be forgiven and forgiven even still.  If people can not see the hand of God in All things, then I just really feel sad for them. But that is my take on things, not necessarily the take of others.

Well sorry for the book here, but just to let you know, that hey, take care of the necessities first.  You are doing your best under your circumstances and that is all you can do!  Just don't stress over it!  Just meet everything head on and with trust that you will get through this!

Well got to go now!  Sending you hugs too, TnT.  We all need those from time to time!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

[kiddogal]

I would have to say your brother has a lot of nerve......so it used to be 3 figures, then 4 figures, and now he wants to "borrow" 5 figures?  If he has not paid you back for the home renovation, you certainly would not expect him to pay you back if you give him a 5 figure sum?  right?  Sure, helping out is noble and fine, but as long as you keep doing it, he will come and ask for more and more, since he now knows where the ATM machine is. Only YOU can stop this by saying NO.    Sadly, this has happened to me and I was the ATM machine for years...there was not a family member I did not help out....my mother (she's ok to help out because she really needed it), my brothers, and my sisters.  And my two sons...... It seems like I was the ATM machine for everyone.  Finally, they started to get the message that I was NOT the ATM machine because I finally started telling them NO.  My one son who got a college degree walked away from a $60,000 a year job, his excuse being " I don't like the corporate life" wanted me to give him money to help get him into an apartment and co-sign a rental agreement" When I said no, he got pissed.  It's fine if he wants to free lance, go without health insurance, make maybe a $1000 per month, but don't expect me to pay his bills.  He has a wonderful degree and could be making $125K per year if he wanted - his choice, but momma is not supporting him anymore!!!  then I have one sister who maybe, MAYBE worked two jobs in her life for less than a year of total employment, took illegal drugs, drank alcohol, made two bad marriage choices, was irresponsible, and says to me "oh, we are FAMILY', family is SUPPOSED to help each other.....yet SHE never helped me!!!  oh where did this rant come from.....lol.....well, my retirement years on going to be upon me and in just a few short years and the ATM machine will probably only have a $20 limit when they need a withdrawal.   I won't have much, but after working my butt off for 40 years, I need to look out for me, just like you need to look out for yourself.....anyway, my two cents......sorry for this rant, it just got me going your brother wanting you lend him 5 figures when he has not even paid you back.

[jeannea]

You have a lot of reasons to feel down. I won't discount any of them. But i'd like to throw out another though. If SC means South Carolina, you may be feeling the effects of the barometer changes from the hurricane. Some people are very sensitive to that. Just something to consider.

[Grumpy-1]

As was said "don't loan money to family".  Give it to them IF and only IF you can.  If you can't, then tell him so and let it go.  Grumpy.

[tiredandthirsty]

hi all,

thanks a lot for all your suggestions and advice.  i am really grateful for all your time. 

just a quick update on this.  i did give my brother some more money (5 digits) and i PUT MY FOOT DOWN!  thanks to all of you.  i said this is the last time.  do not ask again. 

[cassandra]

Well done. I hope you feel a bit better now though?

love Cas

[tiredandthirsty]

Well done. I hope you feel a bit better now though?

love Cas

yes cassandra :-).  thank you very much for asking. the bout of the blues is long gone.  i am feeling happy. 

[lmunchkin]

Great for you TnT.  Now take care of your needs first.  You deserve it my friend!

God Bless You,
lmunchkin