Any master gardners out there who can help me with a joke?

[jbeany]

A baaad joke that's probably only funny if you are a lawyer....

The last director at the pro bono clinic I volunteer at left behind a bunch of plants that she keeps swearing she's coming back to get.  The are currently - well, living is a fuzzy term for this poor things, but - living in the staff attorney's office.  She wants them gone - she's already killed one, but hasn't pitched it yet.

Sooooo....I getting a petetion for guardianship together.  This will give my staff attorney the right to ask for support, the right to determine where the "incapacitated individual" can reside - and the right to petition to end life support.   

I need a report from a "health professional" stating why the 5 indviduals are incapacitated and need a guardian.  Any one want to be my medical expert?  I could use some help with the terms to pull off a description of "physical and/or psychological infirmities" and an appropriate course of treatment.

[cattlekid]

Are they yellow?  Are they dropping leaves?  If they are flowering plants, are they not flowering?  These are some of the things I can think of based on my awesome capability for killing any living green thing.

[MomoMcSleepy]

A baaad joke that's probably only funny if you are a lawyer....

The last director at the pro bono clinic I volunteer at left behind a bunch of plants that she keeps swearing she's coming back to get.  The are currently - well, living is a fuzzy term for this poor things, but - living in the staff attorney's office.  She wants them gone - she's already killed one, but hasn't pitched it yet.

Sooooo....I getting a petetion for guardianship together.  This will give my staff attorney the right to ask for support, the right to determine where the "incapacitated individual" can reside - and the right to petition to end life support.   

I need a report from a "health professional" stating why the 5 indviduals are incapacitated and need a guardian.  Any one want to be my medical expert?  I could use some help with the terms to pull off a description of "physical and/or psychological infirmities" and an appropriate course of treatment.

Couldn't  you say they're in a "vegetative state" by the very nature of their existence, and therefore will always need a responsible guardian willing and capable of rendering care and proper fluid/nutrition requirements?  You could also look up said requirements for each individual, and include them in the guardianship proposal under the responsibilities and care needs areas.  This could help determine if they can stay in a facility with in-home care, or need a nursery with more specialized care.

have I sucked the fun out of the joke?  Cuz it's still funny to me....

[jbeany]

"Vegetative state"     Okay, that's perfect!  I hadn't thought of that one.  I was trying to figure out terms related to a plant's IQ, but "persistent vegetative state with no chance of significant improvement" is even better!  I like the in-home care vs need (committed to?  planted in? hmmm...)  a nursery part, too.  I've found all the forms online, so I'm working on the proper legal language to put on them, but I know zippy when it comes to plants, so trying to do the medical report isn't going so well.

And yes, the orchids are no longer blooming, the vine is completely dried out (hence the request to remove life support), and the rest are withering away.  Gahhhh - failure to thrive - that's it! - what they say about infants.  Maybe failure to thrive in current environment....

I need an obnoxious name for a plant doctor, too.  Ima Weedkiller?  Ina Garden?  Anybody got anything better?

[jbeany]

Hey, this has been read 47 times and no one has a better name for my plant doctor yet?    

[okarol]

Dr. House.... Dr. Green House 

[Riki]

Dr. Urban Gardiner

best I could do in 5 seconds of thinking

And "vegetative state"?  That totally cracked me up

[jbeany]

Dr. House.... Dr. Green House 

   That's it! So much better than what I came up with! Dr. House can diagnose them all as being in a vegetative state.   

[Jean]

vegatative state? That is hysterical!!!

[AnnieB]

Persistent Vegetative State....do they have a Living Will? Durable HealthCare Power of Attorney? I would say, definitely showing signs of Failure to Thrive. Also check into the DNR status (Do Not Resuscitate) to see if they are eligible for treatment, especially for any which are unresponsive.

 

[Annig83]

Not to take the fun out of the joke, but orichids are so hard to care for and require sooo much work.  My father is "an expert" with them.  He gave me one for Christmas last year, and I have his green thumb, and I killed it in a week.  They are super sensitive.  However, depending on the type of orchid they may only flower once a year, they need a warm environment, and they have to be watered routinely...not too dry...not too wet, or they die.  If the leaves on it are still green they may still be alive, just not flowering. 

This thread made me laugh.  Love it!