Brain is a sieve/frustrated, depressed

[jeannea]

I'm so frustrated. When I have something important to do, I can't seem to get it done. I can't even tell any more if I'm forgetful or if I'm procrastinating and sabotaging things for myself. I feel so depressed over it. I don't feel like I can be trusted with anything anymore. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I used to be a smart person with an important job. Now I feel like a blob. I had an encephalitis when my transplant failed (always get your Prograf level checked!) and I don't even feel like the same person anymore. Does anyone know of a brain transplant I could get?

[Whamo]

Right now I have my headphones on.  I listen to "Mental Aerobics" which takes the brain through the different wave patterns toward deep relaxation.  I have several discs.  They have five levels of mental exercise (you work your way up with practice).  They also have disks that specialize in framing good frames of mind:  deep sleep, perfect health (the one I'm listening to now); Easy Weight Loss; Building Confidence; Money and Success; and Attracting Love.  Making Change Easy; and Total Creativity.  I've been using these disks for two years with good results.  They improve your emotional outlook on life.  They're available on the web.  Just do a search for mind aerobics holosync training.

[Emerson Burick]

When I have something important to do, I can't seem to get it done. I can't even tell any more if I'm forgetful or if I'm procrastinating and sabotaging things for myself. I feel so depressed over it. I don't feel like I can be trusted with anything anymore. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I used to be a smart person with an important job. Now I feel like a blob.

Before I started dialysis I used to procrastinate a lot. With kidney failure, I, too, feel much more brain dead than I used to be and I worry about messing up at work. I combat this feeling of being scatterbrained by making a lot of checklists (often months in advance) and planning in advance so I always know what I need to do next and how good a handle I have on things. When I have to write reports or presentations, I start work on them as soon as possible and add a little more each day. (Also my wife is an editor and I have her look over my stuff.)

Finally, I allow myself to take several space-out breaks during the day. I'll pace around my office, walk around the block, or go to the gym and smack a ball around the squash court. If it's a really bad day, I'll lock my office door, turn off the light, and get out the sleeping bag I keep in my desk drawer. It's amazing what an hour-log nap can do.

[MaryD]

I agree with the idea of making lists.  I used not to, but now I am lost and often confused if I let up with my list making.

I think I lost 30 IQ points while I was on chemo.  Dialysis is not exactly improving things

[jeannea]

Nice to know I'm not alone.

[Grumpy-1]

I will join the group.  I too have feel I'm forgetting things a lot as well as procrastinating.  I just don't care about doing things any more.  While I used to make lists for myself, I've found now that I need to make more and have to look at it more often.  Could be age, but I think it does have more to do with D.    As I've said in other posts, kidney failure and D do strange things to your body - mind included.

[justme15]

Jeannea,
could you please explain the relationship between your prograf levels and encephalitis?

[jeannea]

Sure. I had a bad case of CMV that gave me terrible abdominal pain. So I basically stopped eating. But I kept taking my Prograf. There is a little known side effect of high Prograf levels called Posterior Reversible Encephalopathy Syndrome or PRES. Since I wasn't eating for months my level got too high. I had seizures, was intubated at the hospital, and flown to a teaching hospital. The syndrome causes an encephalitis that can be treated. But three years later I am still having trouble with concentration and memory loss.

[Kammie]

So glad I'm not the only one, too!!  I was a bookkeeper for over 20 years & now the thought of all the numbers and details completely overwhelm me! I get dizzy thinking about it! LOL!

Sure. I had a bad case of CMV that gave me terrible abdominal pain. So I basically stopped eating. But I kept taking my Prograf. There is a little known side effect of high Prograf levels called Posterior Reversible Encephalopathy Syndrome or PRES. Since I wasn't eating for months my level got too high. I had seizures, was intubated at the hospital, and flown to a teaching hospital. The syndrome causes an encephalitis that can be treated. But three years later I am still having trouble with concentration and memory loss.

Interesting to know about the Prograf also..I've taken it for 15 years and never knew this could happen!

[jeannea]

Yeah nobody mentions it until it happens then it's too late. It's buried somewhere in the labeling. But even as a chemist working in pharmaceuticals I had never read that part.

[iketchum]

I have been on dialysis for four years and have slowly sunk into a place where I have to push myself to do the things I love to do. It would be so easy to sit and watch Lucy all day. I want to get back into the work force when I get my transplant, and have started to bone up on my math. Amazing how tough it is to remember the math. I have purchased alot of fishing gear and a new crossbow and procrastinating has made me not get out and use them. It is hard to understand why this happens, I know what is happening, but can not seem to overcome it.

[HSM]

I know this feeling too! The way I get things done now is through routine, but there's still that thing here and there that I forget and out of the blue I'm thinking "Man! I was supposed to do that"! An elderly gentleman in my old unit told me that others felt it too and for some as soon as they had a transplant they felt the proverbial "block" was lifted. I just keep my brain active by reading, playing Chess and other challenges etc.