Nothing says 'I love you' like a kidney

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Nothing says 'I love you' like a kidney
Woman gives kidney to her husband

By Kim Lamb Gregory
Posted February 11, 2012 at 3 p.m.

Antoinette and Alex Grassi have been married 44 years and have known each other since they were 13 and 15 and growing up in the same Bronx neighborhood in New York. They display a 1965 high school prom photo. In January, Antoinette gave Alex a kidney.
With Bronx accents as thick as the mozzarella cheese their moms used to buy in Little Italy, Alex and Antoinette Grassi recalled the Valentine's Days the two spent growing up across the street from each other in the New York neighborhood.

"I would come to her house and she's looking out the window to see what I got her," Alex, 66, said.

"It's my favorite holiday," said Antoinette, 64.

But all the candy hearts in the world couldn't equal the gift Antoinette gave Alex this January when she helped save his life by giving him one of her kidneys.

"I told him he already has my heart," she said. "Now he can have my kidney."

The Thousand Oaks couple will mark 45 years of marriage this April.

"I'm so proud of her," Alex said, tears flooding his eyes. "I'm sorry I had to take it (the kidney)."

Alex blinked, looked away, then strode into the kitchen.

"You want some coffee?" He pulled strawberries out of the refrigerator and began slicing them.

"He's always feeding you," Antoinette said with a smile.

The Grassis have called Thousand Oaks home since 1980, after they came to California on vacation, fell in love with it, and moved out here with their two children.

It was the second half of a love story that began in a cluster of apartment buildings between two train tracks in the Bronx.

"We grew up between two trains that we never heard," said Antoinette's sister, Nicolette Cicatelli, 58, of Thousand Oaks. "People would say, how can you live around that noise?"

Antoinette was one of four kids, Alex was the youngest of three. They were born in the same hospital, and had all the same friends.

"It was 'Who's playing stickball, who's jumping rope? Who's roller skating?" Cicatelli said. "Everybody had three to five kids."

Antoinette's dad was a milkman and Alex's dad was a barber. Alex became a hairdresser and eventually ran several salons.

"He was the cutie hairdresser," Antoinette said.

A smitten Antoinette used to try to get Alex's attention in ways only a teenager can dream up.

"'Googy' was his nickname," Cicatelli said. "Sometimes he would play pool and she would say 'Call and ask if Googy's there. I'd call Scotty's Pool Hall and say 'Is Googy there?" and he'd come to the phone and she'd have me hang up."


PHOTO BY CHUCK KIRMAN, VENTURA COUNTY STAR

A copy photo shows Antoinette and Alex Grassi on their wedding day 44 years ago.
Alex played it cool, tossing a pan of water on Antoinette's friends, who would chant "Antoinette likes you" underneath his window.

"He was such a noodge," Antoinette joked.

"That means I was a pain in the a--," Alex said.

They had their first date at the movies when she was 13 and he was 15. They were hooked.

On prom night, Antoinette donned a yellow gown, borrowed a mink stole and let Alex do her hair into a double-decker bubble hairdo.

"Prom night was fabulous. It was in Manhattan. We went to Mama Leone's and took the Staten Island Ferry ride," Antoinette said.

Alex dropped down to one knee in front of both families on Christmas Eve of 1966 and they were married in 1967, about six years after their first date.

The couple moved to Westchester, N.Y., where he opened a shoe business. Eight years later, Kim was born, followed five years later by Andy.

In the early 1980s, the Grassis moved to Thousand Oaks where Alex eventually opened a pool business and Antoinette found work as an administrative assistant at the Cardon Conejo School, a private school in Westlake Village.

The marriage worked, and was anything but dull.

"One minute they're at each other and arguing and the next minute they're hugging and kissing each other," Cicatelli said. "They're like Gracie Allen and George Burns."

Then, eight years ago, Antoinette pestered Alex to go to the doctor because he was weak and didn't look right. He had always had difficulty with his kidneys, which had suffered a viral attack years ago, the couple said, but was managed with medication.

Alex was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Surgeons removed his prostate, but soon after, Alex's kidneys declined. He was bewildered.

"I was never sick in my life," Alex said.

In August of 2011, Alex went on four hours of dialysis three times a week at UCLA Medical Center, He said doctors told him it would be about eight years before a kidney became available, but they would put him on a kidney registry.

His daughter and son were willing donors, but Kim had just been pregnant and Alex didn't want to leave his son with one kidney.

Antoinette volunteered but another transplant center told her she was too old, she said, but UCLA Medical Center said they could perform the transplant up to age 65. Both had the same blood type and were a good cross match.

"A cross match is where we mix the donor cells with the recipient cells," explained registered nurse Tonya Frazier, Living Donor kidney transplant coordinator with UCLA Health System's Kidney and Pancreas Transplant Program.

If the donor cells react with the recipient cells, there is a greater chance of rejection, she explained.

Years ago, spouse-to-spouse transplants were not possible she said, but with advances in anti-rejection drugs, spouses don't have to be a perfect match in order for the transplant to work.

"In the olden days, the donor and recipient had to be identical twins almost," Frazier said.

Antoinette had no reservations about donating a kidney. In fact, she thanked God she was enough of a match to make the donation.


PHOTO BY CHUCK KIRMAN, VENTURA COUNTY STAR

Antoinette and Alex Grassi have been married 44 years and known each other since they were teenagers and growing up in the same Bronx neighborhood. In January. Antoinette gave Alex a kidney.
"She said to me, 'What am I supposed to do? Let him die?'" Cicatelli said. "When she said that, my heart sank to my stomach. It's true. She's been with him all her life. I said to myself, she loves him. She truly loves him."

Cicatelli moved to Thousand Oaks to care for her sister and Alex after their Jan. 3 transplant operation.

Antoinette said she was warned that the operation was hardest on the donor, but she was willing to do anything it took.

After the operation, the two were kept in opposite wings, which is customary, Frazier said, so the donor can make pressure-free decisions.

"It's like a protection for the donor," Frazier explained. "We have seen situations where the donor has been coerced by the family to donate."

Antoinette was lying in her hospital bed when Alex's nurse showed up at her door.

"She said 'I'm your husband's nurse and I'm off duty, but he wants to tell you he loves you," Antoinette remembered. "Then she starts blowing me kisses."

Antoinette then struggled to her feet, and wheeled herself and her intravenous drip pole down to the other wing to see Alex.

Cicatelli cared for the two, which was an easy job, she said, as Antoinette's co-workers from Cardon Conejo showed up with food every night for two weeks, as well as dozens of gifts and flowers.

Antoinette is now back at work and Alex is up and around and feeling much better.

For Christmas, he showed his appreciation by surprising her with a BMW to replace her 1995 Honda Accord.

"I wanted to treat her to something special," Alex said. "She's my hero."

Frazier was touched by the Grassis' devotion, referring to Antoinette as "my VIP patient, which I don't do very often," she said.

Frazier said the staff at the transplant center have heard couples report an improved relationship after a spouse-to-spouse donation.

"It's a cardinal sign of love," she said. "It's a gift. It's a true gift."



Read more: http://www.vcstar.com/news/2012/feb/11/nothing-says-i-love-you-like-a-kidney/#ixzz1mCP41aFJ
- vcstar.com