Hello Sbmyluv and I also welcome you to the forum
It is a scary thing to have a change such as ESRD in your life. I, for one, like to know what my future holds and when I don't, it causes me anxiety. But...I also have to realize that really no one KNOWS what their future will be. So, we take it day by day and sometimes minute by minute.
This forum has been a lifesaver for me and a lot of other folks. I hope you'll post often, ask any questions you may have and you'll find someone who has the answer or at least suggestions that will help.