What to do?

[gaelicdevil]

Hi folks. I have a question for you to ponder. In my lonely life I started dating a dialysis nurse. Problem being she was married. She told me the whole time she was getting a divorce from day one. Guess what-not true. So we had a six month relationship that ended in a bizarre way because she wouldn't tell the truth. I guess it was icing on the cake of a big F@#$ You. She had the police issue a restraining order against me saying I was an obsessed patient/stalker. It was a civil restraining order but they still have criminal consequences. The sweet part was the day I was supposed to appear in court was the day I was going to have open heart surgery. So I had to obtain a Lawyer. After a long drawn out fight against the B.S. it was withdrawn because I had so much evidence against her. And she still pulled the wool over her husband's eyes. The question is would you attempt to have the State take her license? She is a good nurse but I think there is some issues with patient/caregiver to address. I have had lots of time to think about it and can't really make up my mind. And the other day I realized why. Hope. It allows  you to dream about a future where things aren't so dismal. Hope kept me thinking maybe I could have a future somewhat normal. Everyone says let it go. And eventually I am sure I will. But what does that leave me? A life with no hope? I am not sure how this ends. Not sure how you share so much with someone and they throw you away like a piece of trash. Doesn't feel right. I don't get any answers. The matter was settle out of court with the result being no contact from either party. But I can still file a complaint with the Department Of Regulatory Agency. I know all about it because I was a licensed electrician for about 20 years. Just don't know...

[ToddB0130]

Not sure what advice to give.  Sorry you're feeling so bad about a relationship ending.  The fact that there was some "professional" interaction as well as the personal makes it difficult (I am not sure from your post if she was YOUR dialysis nurse or not.  Did she just work at your center ?  Did she do your treatments ?).

In any event --- this has all made you very emotional, understandably.  It sounds like it became quite bitter on both sides.   My only comment would be that I am not sure if there's any professional boundary that has been crossed here.  Are there specific rules for medical professionals and patients (sorry ... I sound very dense,  I'm just not sure) ?.   If not,  then I'd say it's best to leave it alone.  If there are 'rules",  I would think that by filing a complaint/restraining order against YOU,  she has pretty much already made her clinic aware of the situation (perhaps depending on how much she shared).

As with most things,  it's probably best to give it some time before you decide and do something rash.   Good luck and I hope you regain your lost hope.   It was a bad situation,  but it is just one situation.

[jbeany]

My thoughts -

I can understand your thinking that she should have taken into consideration her responsibility as a caregiver before beginning a relationship with you.  I agree, it shows a total lack of professionalism.  The relationship was a bad choice on her part personally too, given that she was still married.  She's hardly the first married person ever to decide to play the field, then plead innocent to her spouse though. 

But, before you make a move to take official action against her license, you need to think about YOU.  Will drawing this out just keep you down in the muck?  You've gotten out of it now, with the end of the court case.

I don't think dropping it leaves you with no hope - there's still the hope that the next relationship you find is with someone who is interested in you, not someone who is using you to distract herself from her marital issues.

I'm adding my vote to those of your friends who are saying let it go.  You need to move on to the next chapter in your life, and you can't do that if you keep paging back to look at the last one.

[galvo]

Here's a thought. Don't date married women.

[billybags]

Galvo, I could not agree more.

[Riverwhispering]

Karma's coming back to bite you you know where.... Stop seeing married women.    This is my 2 cents... if you want to play around get divorced first and if you're not married make sure your play mate isn't either. 

[SooMK]

I agree to let it go but you might want to try to find some help in doing so. If you have access to a counselor of some sort let them take you through this safely. The nurse was unprofessional and she's already shown herself to be vindictive. You need your resources to get back on track with where you want to go in life, not out in the weeds wasting your energy with lawyers and courts and getting revenge. Rather than losing hope I think you should be hopeful--if you found someone to love once (as flawed as it was) you can do so again and be pickier the next time. I wish you the best of luck.

[gaelicdevil]

Well I agree with you mostly. I never dated a married woman before. Not the way I was raised. And who would ever want to be the other person. No good can come from that. I guess one of the problems I have is the Docs say I get 10 to 15 years then I'm dust. Not much time but better than some. But when you are on a deadline you want the most out of your time. And being on full disability doesn't make you very attractive. In my experience most people are interested in someone who is their equal. At $12000 a year, no job, and a death sentence looming in the future...wow, what a catch. I certainly am half to blame for the relationship but I didn't lose my mind and solely blame the other party.

[ToddB0130]

I'm sorry if your doctors actually presented your situation to you that way.  If you happen to get a transplant at some point,  who knows what the rest of your life could be.  Or you may be a longer term dialysis survivor than you think.  No doubt that our lives are harder than 'normal'.   I hope you're able to find better support.  It seems you're not dealing with this 'new normal' well and have already dealt with a great deal being diabetic for a long time.  If dialysis is making you feel any better at all,  try and get out a bit more to meet folks.  Volunteer if you're able .... try to find local kidney support groups.   I hope you find a better partner than the married one you got yourself involved in.  Take care.  Best wishes to you.

[lmunchkin]

Just move on, Gaelicdevil.  You both were wrong, so just drop it, and learn from it!

lmunchkin