being depressed

[colibri]

My husband is 71. He's diabetic and started dialysis in April. He was in PD and after getting a bad case of peritonitis he's now in hemo. He was always very active but now he can hardly work and is tired all the time, he seems uninterested in anything and has told me many times he wants to die. I am an optimist  person and it takes a lot to get me down, but I am worried about him. He's asked me to make  arrangements (if he dies) and has put his life in order. He doesn't want a support group or talk to anybody about how he feels. He is not in good shape, but there are people worse off than he is that are much more positive. I am doing all I can to make him comfortable and take pains to make him healthy meals that look and taste good.
I am happy to have found this forum because it helps to know I am not the only one with fears and problems. Thank you all for being here

[jbeany]

It is a hard adjustment, and the first few months on hemo are usually pretty tough on everyone.  Hopefully, his mood will improve when his body gets used to the treatments.  Depression is one of those things that seems to go hand in hand with D, though.  If giving him some time doesn't help, there are meds and counseling, and no shame in using them. 
   Hugs to you while you bear with him through the rough parts!

[CebuShan]

What a hard time you both have had! I agree with jbeany, depression does seem to go right along with D. Give him time. YOU don't give up. Just keep coming here & posting, ranting if necessary. Lots of prayers  & hugs going out your way.   

[texasstyle]

A lot of things crossed my mind when I read this. The depression, the wanting to die, etc... It's a lot to handle and we know how you feel. Our lives are different of course, but in my crazy life I have learned that after struggling trying to get my H out of his depression, I had to just simply accept that I couldn't. I also had to learn (and still am), that I need to thin about me. Often i feel like I am drowning in his depression and i know that's not right. There are times i know he probably thinks at stopping dialysis. I'm sure the thoughts crossed his mind. It must be so tiring and ware you down. This is not easy being the car giver either. It doesn't seem fair most o the time but this is the life we lead. It took me a while to starting taking some time for my self and I feel better when I do. Even if it's for  little while. My main struggle is feeling like there is no real "traditional" future with us. It's weird and no one else gets it except here. I just wanted to let you know we understand.

[MooseMom]

No matter how much you love your husband, you will never really understand what he is going through.  To be forced to transition from a healthy life to one of illness and suffering is virtually impossible to do without your soul being seared to its core.  He is feeling like he has completely lost all say in how his life will be, and the only control he perceives he has is whether or not to continue living it.  And he is not far from the truth...

[pitagory]

yes its very hard to adjust I still have days that feel like I don't want to go on any more. For me I still work and if it wasn't for my Job I would probably go crazy. for me I also feel bad for my hubby. I cant help thinking that he deserves a better life a normal life what ever that is. and if I Die he can get over me and move on and be happy once again. but I also have a 12 year old son that need me. so you see its very hard because we don't only get deprest for us but for our loved ones as well because we know they are having a hard time too.

[MooseMom]

  @pitagory.  I know...it's really hard when you feel responsible for your spouse's unhappiness with life.  It's hard feeling like such a burden; that makes our illness just that much harder to cope with.  You feel you are pulling other people down into the abyss with you.

[CebuShan]

@pitagory.  I know...it's really hard when you feel responsible for your spouse's unhappiness with life.  It's hard feeling like such a burden; that makes our illness just that much harder to cope with.  You feel you are pulling other people down into the abyss with you.

And there just seems like there is nothing that will help & no one else understands. Just remember that before you can take care of him, you must take care of yourself.

[MooseMom]

@pitagory.  I know...it's really hard when you feel responsible for your spouse's unhappiness with life.  It's hard feeling like such a burden; that makes our illness just that much harder to cope with.  You feel you are pulling other people down into the abyss with you.

And there just seems like there is nothing that will help & no one else understands. Just remember that before you can take care of him, you must take care of yourself.

I'm the one who is sick: I'm the one who will soon be on dialysis.  I don't want to him to have to take care of me.  I don't want a "caregiver".  I don't want to be responsible for his resentment should I become a "burden".

[CebuShan]

OMG MM! Sometimes I could swear you have a little listening device planted somewhere near my brain! That's why I love IHD.